A Single Drop of Color - lunarwintyr - Twilight Series (2024)

Chapter 1: But The Sun Went Down, And I Couldn't Find Another One

Chapter Text

Depression is often portrayed as a greyscale filter over the world, and recovery as the color slowly seeping back into it. The protagonist of the story will one day have a realization that, through some means or another, their once-dreary world has returned to life and vibrancy; a poignant depiction of the way life can change without one even realizing it has done so.

But what most people don’t talk about and what the stories don’t say, is that once you’ve gone long enough seeing nothing but gray, even a single drop of color; no matter it’s benign intentions or existence as a sign of positive change, can be utterly and completely overwhelming.

~~~~~

“We are invited to imagine a group of people sitting in an underground cave, facing the walls. They are chained up and they cannot move their heads. Behind them, a fire is forever burning, and its flames cast shadows onto the cave walls.”

“Between the fire and the cave walls, there is a road, and people walk along this road, carrying various objects: models of animals made of stone and wood, human statuettes, and other things. The people who walk along the road, and the objects they carry, cast shadows on the cave walls.”

“The people who are chained in the cave and facing the wall can only see the shadows of the people (and the objects they carry): never the actual people and objects walking past behind them. To the people chained up in the cave, these shadows appear to be reality, because they don’t know any better.”

“Reality, to these people chained in the cave, is only ever a copy of a copy: the shadows of the original forms which themselves remain beyond our view.”

“But someone comes and unchains the people in the cave. Now they’re free. Let’s say that one of them is set free and encouraged to look towards the fire behind him and his fellow cave-dwellers. He can now see that the things he took for reality until now were merely shadows on the wall.”

“But this knowledge isn’t, at first, a good thing. The revelation is almost overwhelming. The light of the fire hurts his eyes, and when he is dragged up the slope that leads out of the cave, and he sees the sun outside, and is overwhelmed by its light.”

-

“A Summary and Analysis of Plato’s Allegory of the Cave” – Dr. Oliver Tearle of Loughborough University

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bella Swan rested her cheek against the cool glass window, thick droplets of rain slowly worming their way downwards in esoteric, winding paths. As they met along their path they would join, until the droplet became too large to continue on its path unhindered by the wind, wobbling and rippling until the droplet either broke or reached the bottom of the window.

Her father, Charlie Swan, sat in the driver’s seat of his police cruiser next to her, one hand on the wheel and the other hand resting casually on the glove box. His eyes were focused on the road ahead of him, only occasionally flicking with poorly-disguised concern and apprehension towards the girl sat next to him; a daughter he hadn’t seen in well over a decade.

The radio in the car played old music from the 70’s and 80’s, the sound coming through the ancient speakers fuzzy and distorted. Static constantly interrupted the strangled notes as the poor weather interfered with the radio signals; and after the third time smacking it, Charlie Swan gave up and simply turned the radio off, leaving the constant clattering of heavy raindrops on metal, the gentle keening of the wind, and the occasionally-chunky rumble of a well-worn engine the only sounds surrounding them.

Charlie was the first to break the silence that had sat between them since the airport, a few words spoken in his gruff voice worn down by years of exposure to smoke; be it cigarette or campfire. He cleared his throat first to buy a bit of time, pretending not to notice the way Bella’s shoulders subtly tensed at the first sound coming from his throat.

“So,” he started, keeping his eyes firmly in front of him. “Back to Forks, eh?”

The weight of everything that question was and wasn’t asking sat on the back of Bella’s neck like an albatross. She flexed her fingers and pulled in a long, quiet breath through her nose before slowly exhaling from her mouth. Thoughts and images flashed and flew through her mind; her suitcase currently ensconced in the trunk of the cruiser, thunking against the sides of the car when Charlie took a turn. The pit in her stomach as the plane slowly descended in altitude towards the airport.

Her mother, relief unmistakable in her voice as she kissed her cheek with a quick good-bye, shoving two-hundred dollars cash into her hands ‘just in case’ before disappearing into the passenger seat of Phil’s candy-red sports car with a wave and brief well-wishes for a safe flight.

“Yeah,” she said, her voice a bit raspy and creaky from disuse. “You could say that.”

A few more beats of silence passed before Charlie continued, gently tossing the ball back to Bella.

“And...how are we feeling about that?” he asked, his voice slow and careful. “I’m happy to have you here, of course, it’s been forever since I’ve seen you in person. Talking on the phone...it only gets you so far, you know? But ah, from everything I’ve been hearing from Renee this...isn’t exactly a happy homecoming.”

The words rankled at the back of Bella’s throat like the smell of gasoline. It was the most direct and emotional Charlie had been towards her in recent memory, perhaps ever, and Bella wasn’t entirely sure it was welcome.

So instead of replying, she merely shrugged. A response that had become a favorite of hers over the years for its ability to diffuse difficult questions, as most people couldn’t muster up the effort or motivation required to pursue whatever line of questioning had prompted it.

The magic number, as she had learned, was two.

One shrug being enough to dissuade someone usually meant they weren’t actually giving up, but rather picking their battles. Whatever topic had prompted the shrug would resurface later, possibly in a more confrontational manner, and would require mental preparation to receive.

Two shrugs though, meant they were giving whatever they were trying an honest attempt. Giving up after two shrugs meant that they were both genuinely trying, but didn’t have the motivation required to really follow through. So whatever prompted the double-shrug probably wouldn’t come up again.

Three was where things started to get dicey. It was pretty much a coin toss, and both sides resulted at someone being angry at Bella; the only difference was whether or not they’d leave her alone in their anger or yell at her. Neither option really made her want to talk more, but it was the danger number, and Bella had learned that it was better to simply remain still and silent, absorbing the anger, rather than inciting it further with a fourth shrug.

Charlie giving up after one shrug meant that he wasn’t letting go. Which was what Bella expected. She knew he would have questions, she just didn’t know how to answer them yet. She wasn’t really sure how to answer her own questions about the situation yet, really.

Her focus returned to staring out the window. The trees flowed past her vision like a rustling green sea in the wind, the raindrops continued to trace winding tracks across the glass as the wind pushed them sideways, smearing them across Bella’s vision and distorting the world outside the glass.

Against her will her mind began to wander. She tried to latch it down and keep it stable; keep it occupied by counting trees and potholes and raindrops, but eventually it grasped onto the threads of a stray thought and she couldn’t keep it contained any longer. The question, an echo of Charlie’s voice, flickered and hummed in the back of her mind.

She thought about her fraying relationship with her mother, the feeling of being left behind for something newer, shinier, more exciting.

Phil wasn’t a bad person. Not really. Bella certainly couldn’t blame him for her mother’s frivolous personality, her tendency to crave variety and movement and novelty to the degree of neglecting anything in her life that became the slightest bit repetitive or stagnant. But at the same time, she couldn’t help but blame him a little bit. Couldn’t help but feel like he had stolen her mother from her.

More than once since the idea had been suggested, Bella felt a stabbing thought in her stomach that before Phil came along, Renee wouldn’t have agreed to ship Bella off to Forks in the way she had done; willingly, seemingly instantaneously. Like she was dumping chaff, dropping a ballast.

She knew the thought was wrong. Her therapist had pointed it out multiple times, that Bella was still on some level unwilling to truly see the flaws in her mother and put well-earned responsibility on her shoulders, Bella’s role as a pseudo-caretaker for her own mother at a young age having warped her ability to see her mother’s actions objectively.

Bella sighed and let her forehead thunk gently against the glass, her breath fogging it up and blocking her view entirely. She indulged herself in a little self pity, wallowing in the thoughts of “where did my life go so wrong?”.

Which was a bit of a stupid question. She knew the answer to that, one of them at any rate. Sort of. One of those five-dollar words she had never really thought about before aside from getting a lot of points in Scrabble with it, never really thought it could apply to her. Even when others had pointed it out to her she had scoffed and dismissed it, refusing to entertain the thought.

Even when she got a real diagnosis from a real, live, actual therapist, she had to take a lot of time to fully process and accept it. The diagnosis came complete with a prescription for fancy pills and everything, consisting of a chemical co*cktail full of more five-dollar words, and a couple ten-dollar ones.

Depression.

Even so long after getting the diagnosis, the word still felt funny to her as she rolled it around in her head. She always thought depression was something that happened to other people. People with something actually wrong in their lives to be depressed about, or rich celebrities taking copious amounts of drugs. It was some far-away concept that shouldn’t have come anywhere near plain old Bella Swan living her plain old upper-middle-class comfortable life in plain old boring Phoenix, Arizona.

“How do you get depressed in Arizona, anyway?” was a common refrain from Bella, internally and externally. “Isn’t the sunny weather and extremely-available nature hiking supposed to be a natural kick-start to your chakras or your humors or something like that?”

Bella could distinctly remember the look her therapist gave her the first time she said that out loud. A mixture of vague disappointment combined with the knee-jerk flehmen response professionals have to commonly-spread misinformation or quackery. Like how a doctor reacts to someone putting potatoes in their kid’s socks to pull ‘the toxins’ out.

Getting through the many layers of poisoned irony and deflection was the biggest challenge Bella had faced in therapy. She still found herself cringing a little bit inside at the things she used to say to avoid talking about the real problems.

When her therapist had written down a big list of symptoms and put it down in front of Bella, many of which were a little bit relatable and many more a whole lot relatable, it still didn’t feel ‘real’ and Bella had dismissed it out of hand at first.

Then again, nothing had felt real in her life for a long time.

For as long as Bella could remember she had been merely coasting through her life, watching it pass her by. She couldn’t even remember when the apathy started. Bella had her life, her friends, she went to school and did her homework and did chores around the house, she learned how to cook when she was ten and received many nights of praise from Renee for her home-cooked meals; paving over the anxiety Bella felt from the knowledge that if she didn’t make sure of it, there was a possibility Renee simply wouldn’t eat at all throughout the day.

When Renee met Phil she had been so excited, and Bella had thought she was excited with her. She was happy for her. But when her mother started checking out of her life in favor of focusing entirely on Phil, leaving Bella home for weeks at a time to travel, to go to his away games, she didn’t even notice Bella falling into such a stupor that she ended up failing her sophom*ore year and had to repeat it.

Twice.

“Eagle has landed,” Charlie said as the cruiser gently pulled to a stop in the driveway, the rumbling engine cutting off as he turned and pulled the keys. Bella blinked a few times and looked up, staring at the weathered, worn down house in front of her.

“Guess so,” she said softly as she unbuckled her seatbelt, flipping the hood of her windbreaker over her head as she quickly ducked out of the car, grimacing as the wind blew raindrops into her face and immediately feeling herself overcome by the chilly, wet Washington air.

She trudged around to the back of the cruiser, ready to fling the trunk open and grab her suitcase.

“I got it Bells, you just head in and settle down. You’ve had a long day. Here,” she heard Charlie say as he came up behind her, handing her a house key. Bella stared at him for a moment before grabbing it and running up to the door, eager to get out of the rain. She turned the key in the lock and pushed the door open, wincing at the harsh creaking sound as she pushed.

Making a mental note to pick up some WD-40, she quickly wiped her shoes off on the doormat before removing them. There wasn’t a rack or a shelf to put them on, or even a rubber pad, so she just found the most unobtrusive part of the entryway to place them before shucking her windbreaker and hooking it on the coat hanger.

She started slowly walking through the house, looking around and taking it in. It wasn’t much to look at, it was small and rather...dusty. It was pretty clear that most of the house didn’t get actively used much. The kitchen stove looked cold and neglected, a thin coating of dust covering all the burners and counter-tops. The only part that was used was the fridge and the microwave, and upon pulling the fridge door open Bella was unceremoniously greeted by a pizza box, a six-pack of beer with two cans missing, a pack of bologna in a ziploc baggie, and a half-used bottle of ketchup that had half an inch of separated liquid at the top and a thin layer of crust formed around the cap.

Grimacing, Bella closed the fridge and cautiously looked in the freezer. She found an empty pair of ice trays and six TV dinners, one of which had completely frosted over.

The living room was slightly more used than the kitchen, but not by much. A stack of magazines occupied a side table next to an armchair that definitely saw regular use. In fact, Bella was fairly certain that it was the same armchair Charlie had when she was a kid.

Taking another look around, Bella realized that all the furniture was exactly the same as when she was a kid.

“I got your room all set up Bells,” she heard Charlie saying as he came into the house. “As much as I could with such short notice anyways. You don’t have a bed frame yet unfortunately, right now it’s just a futon but we’ll head into the city this weekend to buy some furniture for you. A bed frame and a proper mattress at the very least. There’s an old desk from the station and a chair up there, and Billy had an old dresser he gave me to put in there for you. There’s also a big ol’ mirror from Sue, not sure what to do with that so I just leaned it on the wall for now.”

Charlie spoke as he took his own shoes and jacket off, pulling Bella’s suitcase into the living room and setting it down.

“You haven’t bought a new couch in ten years?” Bella asked.

Charlie stopped talking, but his mouth continued to hang open as he stared blankly at her, the question clearly catching him off guard. “I uh, no, I mean. I don’t really use it. Billy has his own chair and Harry doesn’t really come around anymore, I see him at his place these days…”

“I think this TV counts as a fossil,” Bella said with idle fondness, patting the dusty top of the boxy CRT that, in her mind, very clearly belonged in a museum.

After a few more moments of blank staring, a small smile slowly formed on Charlie’s lips. “Well, that TV is nearly older than you after all, I think. Might actually be.”

“And it still works?” Bella asked, co*cking a disbelieving eyebrow.

“Needs a good whack every once in a while but it shows Sunday ball games just fine, so I’d say it works well enough,” Charlie chuckled, leaning against the wall.

“Maybe you belong in a museum too,” Bella said with gentle snark, poking Charlie’s upper arm.

“Hey now, I’m not that old yet. I’ve still got plenty of gas left in the tank,” Charlie said with feigned indignance, rubbing his arm where Bella poked him.

Bella rolled her eyes and stuck her hands in her pockets, casting her eyes around the house again. A strange nostalgia was settling around her shoulders, and for some reason she could smell the hint of campfire smoke and feel the echo of cold mud on her arms. Faint memories of a time when her life was less complicated, less heavy.

“Whatever you say Charlie,” she continued, reaching out and grasping the handle of her suitcase. “I’m gonna crash for a bit, yeah? Feel like I’m about to die on my feet.”

Charlie nodded and ran his fingers through his hair. “I figured you would. I took the day off so after you wake up come grab me, we’ll go grocery shopping. I do alright for myself but the kitchen isn’t exactly stocked and I don’t know what you like these days, so I figure you wanna pick out your own things.”

“Oh good, I was hoping you weren’t going to subject me to the war crime that is your refrigerator,” Bella said, wrinkling her nose. “Sounds like a plan though, I’ll see you in a few hours?”

Charlie gave her a wry chuckle and nodded in acknowledgment, and Bella hefted her suitcase up the flight of stairs, pausing at the top to call back down to Charlie asking which room was hers again. When she got her answer she dragged her suitcase into the room behind her, pushing the door open and standing in the frame for a few moments. Then she sighed, crossed the threshold, and closed the door behind her with a gentle click.

It was as Charlie had described it; a dingy futon with a fitted white sheet, and a thinner blue sheet for a blanket tossed over it, with an old worn out pillow at the head. It looked slightly better than a sleeping bag or a pile of her own clothing, at least. Bella presumed the futon came from the depths of the attic somewhere and prayed that she would be the only living thing occupying it.

Laying her suitcase down she sat next to it and unzipped it. First out were the clothes she’d need right away, her current outfit had already been through three different airports and almost twelve full hours of travel. She was slightly worried that it had fused to her skin, and made a face as she peeled her jeans and various other articles off of her.

She set aside a fresh change of clothes and then dug out an oversized t-shirt and new underwear to take a nap in. The rest of her clothes were haphazardly piled next to the old dresser from Billy Black, to be put away later. She should probably get some new ones if she was going to a new school, lest she forever be branded as the girl with only five variations of “t-shirt and jeans” as the extent of her fashion sense.

Which, it was. To be fair. But she could at least get a different color of jeans to wear some days, and maybe something besides t-shirts from the bargain bin at Goodwill.

Her laptop was next, wrapped snugly in three layers of bubble wrap and two t-shirts. After unearthing it from its popping-plastic sarcophagus Bella quickly located an outlet and plugged it in, flipping it open and attempting to boot it up. She let out a quick exhale of relief when it successfully booted and the screen appeared fully intact, confirming that it had survived the travel.

The rest of her possessions weren’t of much note. Some of her favorite novels, worn from time and many repeated readings, the spines cracked and some of the threading exposed; dozens of pages holding creased corners and a few errant stains. A journal she had begun under protest on the advice-slash-demand of her therapist, but eventually came to begrudgingly admit that it was helpful, even if some pages were just filled with angry scribbles or idle doodles.

Her preferred brands of shampoo, conditioner, body wash, face wash, the works. She had no idea if the local department stores would even carry them, and she didn’t fancy having to struggle to find something new right away. She would have to ration what she brought until she could either find a place to buy more or find a new brand.

A basic set of makeup supplies. One eyeliner pen, one ruby-red stick of lipstick, and a very basic palette of eyeshadow. A gift from Renee from Bella’s seventeenth birthday that remained untouched, yet Bella couldn’t find it in herself to throw it away.

Bella wasn’t exactly fond of red lipstick anyway.

Then came a heavy, thick envelope. Printed-out medical records, in case the transfer of her records and prescriptions to a new facility and pharmacy in Port Angeles didn’t go through. The local drugstore in Forks, while a steady supply for one’s regular needs of ibuprofen and band-aids with cartoon characters on them, didn’t carry the specialized co*cktail of medication Bella needed. She would need to go into the city for that.

And then came the sealed plastic ziploc bag with a bundle of orange bottles inside, all of them containing a differently-shaped and colored pills. Opening up the bag she pulled out one of the bottles and held it up to the light, shaking it a little bit and staring at it as if it might start speaking to her. Another piece of tangible proof that something was wrong inside her; a real, actual prescription with pills. That she had to take. Every day.

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors.

Or just SSRI’s. Antidepressants. Crazy pills. Asylum candy. Loco skittles. The magical anti-grippy-sock pals. Bella changed it up every so often, for her own amusem*nt. The pills had been an interesting process and Bella wrinkled her nose in distaste at the memories of the initial attempts at finding the right ones for her.

The medication was still new. Barely eight months total, and only three on the new one that seemed to work better than the rest. It came bundled with something to help her sleep, something to keep her anxiety down, and something for the nightmares.

All in all, it helped. Sort of. Before the meds everything had felt...suffocating. Like a big thick layer of gray wool being wrapped around her brain, a gnawing pit of Emptiness and Nothing inside her stomach and a shell of granite apathy around her heart. But slowly, she was becoming more and more able to at least process most of what was happening around her.

The problem was that she had to re-learn everything.

She had to learn all over again what a ‘routine’ was and how to implement one into her life, how to brush her teeth every night before going to sleep and how to shower more than once a month and wash her hair properly. At least she was pretty certain she wasn’t in for another repeat year of high school.

But the pills didn’t exactly chase away the dull repetitiveness of her life, the feeling that she was just going through the motions. Like nothing was really real or tangible in any way. Like nothing was solid. Bella always felt like she was looking at the world around her through liquid glass, a softly distorted layer of separation between herself and Everything That Mattered.

This, too, was something Bella had gone over with her therapist. Depression being a simple chemical imbalance in the brain that pills could just correct was, to Bella’s irritation, mostly a myth. Most people who dealt with depression had some form of underlying cause to it all.

The pills could help, but they weren’t magic.

Her therapist had compared it to a really big leak on a tanker. The medication had patched up the hole and as long as Bella kept taking the medication nothing else would leak out that way, but Bella still had to figure out what actually caused the hole in the first place; as well as cleaning up the mess the hole had left behind. And there was a lot of mess.

Bella sighed and scooped the bottles up and into her arms, setting them all down on the desk and brushing hair out of her face. She arranged the bottles and put her hands on her hips.

Forks was supposed to be a fresh start, a change of scenery. There had been some worries expressed that Bella was just running away from her problems, but it ultimately was up to Bella herself. If this was going to work, she needed to be genuine, to give Forks a real chance. If she just continued going through the motions and doing the bare minimum in her life, Forks wouldn’t do anything in return for her and she’d be back to square one with the same problems and no solutions.

And it all started with taking a nap and then going grocery shopping with Charlie.

With her father.

A man she hadn’t seen in person since she was eight years old.

Bella groaned and flopped down onto the futon, grumbling under her breath as she grabbed for her phone and set an alarm to wake her two hours from now. She half-hoped for a text message from her mother, or even Phil, making sure her flight went well.

It was with a slight sting that Bella sent a text to her mother, looking at the brief, one-sided message history, all of which marked with a little ‘read’ checkmark, letting her know that she had arrived safely and was settling in before turning her phone’s display off and tossing it across the room onto her pile of clothes.

“I am going to invent time travel,” she grumbled to herself, “for the sole purpose of going back in time four months and punting myself in the ass for this stupid idea.”

She pulled the thin pillow close to her face and got as comfortable as she could, tucking the sheet over herself and closing her eyes. As soon as she did so she felt extremely heavy, the reality of how tired she was crashing over her like a tidal wave. Fatigue filled her limbs as her body felt like it was being topped up with cement.

Bella let out a long, weary exhale as she drifted off into a well-needed nap.

~~~~~

The tell-tale heavy bass of her alarm flung Bella out of sleep and into a groggy, fitful state of wakefulness. Her hands scrabbled along the mattress looking for her phone, and she briefly panicked upon both not being able to find it and the realization that she was not in her bedroom back in Phoenix.

But her senses quickly oriented themselves and she found her phone across the room, shutting off the alarm; and in that time her brain managed to catch back up and remind her of where she was and why. With a groan and a stretch, Bella worked out some of her stiff-as-rocks muscles that the twelve hours of airplanes and airports had hardened into uncomfortable knots and stones.

She briefly debated getting in the shower, and took a quick whiff of herself to see if it was really necessary. Wrinkling her nose, she decided that she could probably get away with putting it off till the next morning. She didn’t smell awful, she just smelled like an airport.

After pulling on a new set of clothes and tucking her phone in her pocket, Bella made her way downstairs to find Charlie. As expected she found him in his armchair, reading a newspaper with furrowed brows. He quickly folded it up and set it aside when he spotted Bella.

“Good rest?” he asked, pulling himself to his feet.

“I closed my eyes and was not conscious for about an hour and a half,” Bella deadpanned. “I’ll get some proper rest tonight. For now I just want to get some food.”

“Uh, right,” Charlie replied. “What do you want for dinner? Figured we could eat before shopping, if you haven’t eaten yet.”

“Honestly I feel fine right now,” Bella said with a dismissive shrug. “I’d rather just get the shopping out of the way and eat when we get home.”

“We can call in pizza? Pick it up on the way home?” Charlie suggested.

Bella frowned and scratched the back of her head. She hadn’t eaten pizza in a while and her stomach twisted a little at the thought of hot grease and cardboard crust, but she also really didn’t want to cook right now. Even the effort of putting together a club sandwich felt out of reach.

“That works I guess. Wanna leave now?” Bella asked.

“Whenever you’re ready,” Charlie said with a nod, which Bella returned.

The rain had thankfully stopped during Bella’s nap, so she wasn’t getting wet as she bundled herself into the passenger seat of the cruiser again. The drive was made in relative silence until Charlie spoke up.

“You wanna call in the pizza?”

“Sure,” Bella said, getting her phone out. Charlie gave her the number and she dialed, and as the phone rang he gave her his order.

“Just get me a medium meat-lovers, get whatever you want for yourself.”

Bella made an exaggerated gagging sound. “Heart attack on bread for the old man, got it,” she said, resisting the urge to laugh as Charlie shook his head and sighed in mock disappointment.

One pizza order and the remainder of the car ride later, they arrived at the grocery store. Bella immediately commandeered the cart the moment Charlie tried to pivot towards the frozen section, smacking the back of his hand to make him let go of it.

“Absolutely not,” Bella scoffed. “Charlie, I’m planning on eating actual food most of the time I’m here, yeah? If you ask nicely enough I’ll cook for two and you’ll get a better diet that also happens to taste good. Deal?”

Charlie grumbled a little as Bella took the cart in a one-eighty and headed towards the produce section.

“You’re not a vegetarian or anything are you?” he asked, wrinkling his nose.

“I still eat meat,” Bella sighed. “Just in a healthier way than frozen pizza and Marie Callender dinners. Just trust me on this one and maybe you’ll get a few years added onto your expected lifespan.”

“Hrmph. Fine. Trial basis, but I’m still getting a few frozen meals just in case,” Charlie said. He was grumbling, but Bella could see the twinkling in his eyes. She was happy Charlie was bantering with her. She hadn’t quite known what to expect from him, if she was being honest with herself. You can only glean so much about a person from brief conversations over the phone.

She wasn’t worried about him turning into a massive asshole or anything. Mostly, she was just worried things would be too awkward and uncomfortable.

But while she certainly wasn’t ready to bare her heart and soul to Charlie anytime soon, if ever, her mother had always told her she had inherited Charlie’s dry sense of humor. Having that confirmed with their gentle banter they had exchanged so far was...nice, Bella decided.

Eventually the two of them found themselves in the pasta section with Bella grabbing a variety of boxes and bags of pasta consisting of different shapes, sizes, and even colors. As she was scouring the shelves for fettuccine, she felt her neck crawl as a shiver went down her spine.

Shuddering, she let out a little ‘brrr’ sound as she shook out her shoulders and arms.

“You good Bells?” Charlie asked, looking faintly amused. He co*cked his eyebrow at her and Bella blinked in slight surprise, recognizing the expression as one she commonly wore herself. “It’s not that cold is it? I mean, I guess you are more used to the Arizona heat…”

“The desert gets pretty cold at night actually,” Bella said idly before blinking and shaking her head a little. “Yeah, no, no I’m good. I’m not cold. Just got a weird shiver down my spine, like someone was watching me or something. I dunno.”

Charlie turned around and looked down the aisle.

“Well, unless old lady Henderson was ogling you instead of the alfredo sauce I think you’re safe,” he said wryly. True to his word, Mrs. Henderson was the only other person in the aisle, inspecting a jar of the sauce with a vaguely constipated look on her face as she read the label.

Bella chuckled.

“I think I can outrun her. C’mon Charlie we’re getting to your favorite part, let’s go to the butcher section. How do you feel about pork chops?”

“Extremely amicable,” Charlie declared with a smile on his face as the two of them headed off. Bella fought off the nervous urge to fill the space with idle conversation, trying to shake the weird feeling off her shoulders.

She was positive someone had been staring at her.

~~~~~

“Good lord Charlie I know I joked that it was a heart attack on bread but this is absurd. Are you even sure there’s cheese on this thing?” Bella exclaimed, her expression aghast as she opened the lid of Charlie’s pizza box, having just pulled out a few plates after putting all the groceries away.

The monstrosity that was allegedly a pizza in front of her was certainly circular and had what looked like a pizza crust around the edge of it, which was of course stuffed on top of everything, but beyond that Bella couldn’t see anything other than heaps of pepperoni, ham, bacon, chicken, and sausage.

“Yep. There’s cheese in the crust, look,” Charlie said with the trademark stupid ‘Dad grin’ splitting his face in half as he pulled a slice away and pointed at the long stretch of mozzarella still connecting it to the rest of the pizza.

Bella made a face and mimed throwing up with accompanying sound effects as she got her own slice from the small cheese pizza she had ordered.

Charlie laughed and made his plate, setting it aside as he pulled a beer out of the fridge. “You’re missing out, kiddo.”

“On early-onset heart disease? I’m cool missing out on that, thanks,” Bella said sarcastically. “Also, hey! Not a kid anymore. I’m like, a real adult now. Legally,” Bella said, pointing her pizza slice at Charlie in a faux-threatening manner before taking a bite.

The grease immediately coated her tongue, and all she could taste was sweet tomato and burnt crust. She resolved that this would not be a regular occurrence, and she would introduce Charlie to healthy ways to eat meat if it was the last thing she ever did.

Charlie turned and looked her up and down, wrinkling his brow and making an exaggerated hmm noise, stroking his chin lightly before holding his palm above her head slightly. “Nope. Pretty sure you’re still about thirteen or so. I’m gonna have to beat the boys off with a stick soon.”

Bella gasped indignantly and stuck her tongue out at Charlie, huffing and stomping off to the living room with him laughing as he followed behind her. She set the glass of lemonade she had poured for herself on a side table and realized Charlie didn’t own coasters. She made another mental note to pick some up.

“That was rude,” Bella grumbled as Charlie sat down in his armchair. “But you won’t have to worry about beating boys off. I’ll be doing that myself, thank you. Chateau du Bella is not open to the menfolk,” she said with an exaggerated shudder.

“That so?” Charlie asked curiously, letting out a grunt of effort as he sat down and cracked open his beer.

“Didn’t uh, Renee tell you?” Bella asked in surprise around a mouthful of pizza, coughing a little as she tried to swallow. “I mean, I at least thought she would.”

“Renee hasn’t told me much for the past several years,” Charlie huffed lightly, flicking the TV on with the remote. “Honestly if I hadn’t gotten news about you directly from the source I’m not even sure I’d have heard a damn thing about you. Started to think Renee wouldn’t even tell me if you were dead. Only thing I heard from her lately was when she called me to ask if you could move up with me, and then again to tell me she was sending over all your important documents. Birth certificate and all that.”

“Uh...right,” Bella said, nerves gripping her heart a little. That statement made her mind start walking down a few roads she most certainly did not want to re-tread right now, so she quickly veered her mind with a hard left towards more urgent matters.

“So what was she supposed to tell me, then?” Charlie asked, peering curiously at Bella.

“Uhhhhhhhh….” Bella said, her brain starting to stall out a bit as panic mounted. “That like. Uh. You know. That I’m sorta like, uh, not super very much into men. Sorta. And stuff like that,” she managed to mumble out, averting her eyes and rubbing the back of her neck. She was positive Charlie had already known. Hadn’t he? Didn’t she mention her ex to him at some point?

...Did she forget to mention that her ex was another girl? She totally did. She totally and completely never mentioned that her ex was not in fact an ex-boyfriend but an ex-girlfriend. Bella felt her mind racing as she remembered the conversation with a bit more clarity, and realized in a rush of adrenaline and cortisol that she was most definitely coming out to her dad for the first time right this moment.

Oops.

“And stuff like that,” Charlie deadpanned, co*cking an eyebrow.

“Uh. Yeah.”

“So…” Charlie said, after a few very drawn-out moments of silence. “You’re...gay, then?”

“That’s uh. That’s about the gist of it, yeah,” Bella whispered, suddenly feeling very small and worried about his reaction. Would he be okay with it? With her? She knew Charlie was pretty old-school in a lot of ways, had a lot of traditional beliefs. Her mind raced.

He wasn’t particularly religious, not that she ever noticed, but he had been raised decades ago. Had he ever talked about gay people before? Bella’s mind churned through her memories of Charlie trying to remember if he had mentioned the topic in any capacity, any comments or verbiage that could indicate where his opinion swayed.

“Well! That’s a load off my shoulders,” Charlie exclaimed with a sigh of relief, pushing his hair out of his face. “I am not ready to be a grandfather.”

Bella’s train of thought was completely derailed at that point, and she just stared blankly at him.

“...what?”

“Well…” Charlie said slowly. “From my understanding, as an old fuddy-duddy anyway, gay women have a much harder time getting pregnant. Unless they’ve changed the rules on me in the past thirty years?”

“Uh,” Bella said, blinking rapidly. “I mean, I guess? It’s a bit more complicated than that but...but that’s like, super not the point, that’s all you care about?” Bella asked, feeling completely dumbstruck.

“Am I supposed to care about something else?” Charlie asked, sounding confused.

“I mean. I’m gay. Big fat lesbian? Very much not straight?” Bella asked, her voice feeling strangled in her throat.

“You aren’t fat.”

“Charlie.”

“What!? You aren’t! Where’s this coming from Bells? You’re gay and that’s fine with me. Is that...fine with you?” Charlie asked, leaning forward a little and looking at Bella with concern etched onto his face.

“So...so you aren’t like, upset…? Or anything?” Bella croaked out, forcing herself to meet his eyes.

Charlie looked completely gobsmacked at the question and leaned back in his chair again. “Am I...what, no! Good grief no, not at all! I understand that I’m a bit old-fashioned and there’s a lot about the modern world I just don’t connect with, but I don’t give a damn if you’re into men or women or space aliens as long as you’re safe and don’t make me a grandfather until you’re at least thirty.”

After a few more moments of silence and a hearty chug of lemonade for Bella she burst out laughing. This only served to confuse Charlie further, who sat in his chair looking absolutely befuddled and lost. The look on his face only made Bella laugh harder, doubling over on the couch for several minutes until she was able to take several deep breaths to calm herself down.

“Thanks, Charlie,” Bella said with a heavy sigh. “That means a lot to me.”

“...you’re welcome, kiddo,” Charlie said with a weary chuckle.

Bella wiped her eyes and let out another long sigh of relief before settling back in and taking another bite of pizza, idly watching the late-night show Charlie had put on. Charlie looked pleased that the tense situation had passed and was done with, and after a few moments he reached over and patted Bella’s knee.

“I love you kiddo. Don’t forget that,” he said gruffly, refusing to make eye contact as he appeared to be attempting to bore right through the television with his gaze.

Smiling a little, Bella patted his hand back.

“Love you too, old man,” Bella said quietly.

“Good,” Charlie grunted, nodding slightly before pulling his hand back and settling into his armchair. Bella got the hint that the emotional moment was now over, which she was perfectly fine with.

Leaning back on the couch, Bella closed her eyes and listened to the background of a terrible late-night talk show, occasionally interjected by Charlie muttering his own opinions about what was being talked about as if the people on the screen could hear him.

One year of mounting depression.

One year of it reaching the peak.

Three years of her life utterly deteriorating around her.

Three months of inpatient care.

Nine months of slow, excruciating talk therapy.

Eight months of medication.

Four months of planning.

One week of packing.

Twelve hours of travel.

As Bella slowly turned her inner eye from the past towards the blank canvas in front of her, she felt her legs tremble a little and her heart rate speed up. Only twenty-four hours prior, the concept of being where she was now had scared the absolute crap out of her.

She had almost called it off entirely.

But now, sitting on a dusty couch with another rainstorm starting up outside, listening to Charlie mutter at the TV as her stomach contended with its first slice of pizza in years, Bella felt an odd feeling begin to creep up on her.

The feeling that, maybe, for the first time, she had a hint of solid ground beneath her feet.

The feeling that maybe she could get used to this.

The feeling that maybe Forks could be alright.

Maybe she could be alright.

Downing the rest of her lemonade, Bella cleaned up the mess and put away the leftover pizza.

She said goodnight to Charlie and started heading up the stairs.

One step at a time.

She could do all of this, she thought to herself as she ascended.

Just like the stairs.

One step at a time.

One day at a time.

Chapter 2: There Is A Reason The First Nine Months Doesn't Count

Chapter Text

The water was hot as it slid in rivulets over Bella’s skin, tracing pathways along her muscles as she rinsed the conditioner out of her hair. She shivered involuntarily as a particularly large drop of water slid between her back muscles in a way that tickled a little bit, pushing a hand through her hair and wringing the last bit of the slick conditioner out.

She had been extremely grateful at her past self for having the foresight to pack her own toiletries. Charlie had attempted to present her with a fresh bottle of his “everything-in-one” combination shampoo-conditioner-body-and-face-wash that was allegedly supposed to smell like “Ocean Breeze” but to Bella it just smelled like the pungent fake-floral smell of the air freshener the janitor used to spray in her middle school bathroom. She accepted the offering tastefully, only to promptly stick it in the corner of the shower where it will remain untouched until hell freezes over.

Her two-week grace period of settling into Forks before having to worry about starting school was officially up, and Bella was equal parts grateful and utterly terrified. Because the timing of moving her out to Washington had been so tight, she would have been starting the school year a few weeks late anyway, so Charlie simply set it up so she would be starting two weeks after she arrived.

She had, at first, used the time productively. As promised Charlie had taken her into the city the very first weekend, borrowing someone’s truck in the process, and Bella returned home with a new bed frame, a new mattress, a chair that was a bit more comfortable than the rickety refuse from the station’s ‘put it on the side of the road and hope it disappears’ pile, along with a slightly more varied wardrobe.

But rapidly Bella’s productivity hit the dirt. Charlie went back to work, and Bella couldn’t muster up the willpower to do much of anything beyond make sure there was always a non-frozen option for her and Charlie to eat each night.

Today though, that would change. Bella wouldn’t even get a chance to slip back into stagnancy. Today, she was going into school.

Part of her was hoping that she could merely slip into the crowd and be just another face in the sea, keep her head down and get through it. But she knew that was a thin possibility at best. Forks was a small town, and even if she had started in September like everyone else she would have gotten extra attention. A student transferring into Forks High halfway through October not only was even more noticeable, Bella would comfortably put money on her being the first example of it in well over a decade.

Her hands braced against the walls of the shower as she closed her eyes and stuck her head back under the hot water, feeling the heavy water pressure thundering against her skull and reverberating in her inner ears. Her stomach was twisting itself into a knot and she took a slow breath to force the nausea down, focusing on the prickling of her skin from the hot water.

Bile collected in her throat and burned the back of her tongue as she felt her stomach convulse, and she took another deep breath in through her nose, squeezing her eyes closed even tighter and hanging her head a little. She could feel the heat on the back of her neck that wasn’t from the water, and the sound of the shower began to dull slightly as her ears felt fuzzy.

She was jolted out of her near-panic attack by the sound of her phone buzzing incessantly on the bathroom counter, and she quickly fumbled around for the valve to turn the shower off. She didn’t have time to think any further, she had to dry off and get dressed to leave.

Fifteen minutes later she was bundling into Charlie’s cruiser and they were driving; intending to arrive a little early to both avoid Bella’s first day being started by having to navigate a massive crowd of students and to make sure all the details of her transfer were finalized. She still needed her class schedule, and there was a bit more paperwork she needed to do according to Charlie.

Charlie, to his credit, had taken one look at Bella when she had come down the stairs and clearly understood that her desire for conversation was sitting around a big fat zero, so the drive was made in complete silence. When they did arrive, the parking lot was nearly empty still.

Bella quickly speed-walked her way into the front of the building, Charlie right behind her. Once they were inside he led her to the main office where he had a few quick words with the woman at the desk. She was typing at a computer; a worn, off-white plastic casing surrounding the machine that was whirring and occasionally sputtering a bit pathetically. Bella could hear the various fans whirring, the sound somehow drowning out Charlie’s words with the woman as Bella’s ears started tingling again.

“Miss Swan?” came a high-pitched, somewhat weaselly voice eventually breaking through Bella’s reverie. Bella blinked and shook her head a little, looking at the woman sitting at the desk. Charlie was looking with a bit of undisguised concern at her, but Bella resolutely ignored him as she looked at the woman.

She had graying hair with the remnants of a light-brown dye treatment that had long since started to fade, put up in a tight bun. The frames of her ruby-red glasses had points on each of the upper outer corners, accentuated with a plastic crafts gem the size of a dime on each point. Her glasses matched her lipstick, which looked over-applied and slightly lumpy.

“Yes?” Bella asked awkwardly. “Sorry.”

“I have your class schedule here, and some paperwork for you and your father to fill out,” came the terse reply along with a clipboard, abruptly shoved in Bella’s direction. Bella took the clipboard, a pen tied to it with a piece of fraying twine, and sat down in a chair.

The top piece of paper was her weekly schedule. She took that and folded it in half, to look at in a minute.

Charlie sat next to her as she slowly started filling everything out. She needed a few pieces of information from him as progress was slowly made, and eventually she reached the final paper. An emergency contact form, with room for three entries.

She quickly put down Charlie, then looked at him.

“Put down Billy Black,” he suggested. “In case they can’t reach me. If something happens and I’m not available, he’ll take care of you. I trust him with my life.”

“Okay,” Bella said quietly, writing down the information Charlie gave her. She stared at the final blank entry, and the corners of her eyes pricked. “Should I...put Renee down?” she asked Charlie slowly, her voice halting.

He didn’t reply right away, choosing to adjust his sitting position for a moment instead.

“Whatever you want, kiddo,” Charlie murmured eventually.

Bella chewed on her lower lip for a moment as she debated internally before slowly writing in her mother’s contact information. Charlie didn’t say anything as Bella handed him the clipboard, unfolding her class schedule as he went to deliver her paperwork.

It was an entirely unremarkable schedule. The school wasn’t particularly large, and didn’t offer a lot of classes outside of what the government required them to have. Bella didn’t have too many options when selecting classes outside the basic curriculum, which was probably a good thing. She didn’t want to overwhelm herself.

She put her schedule down in her phone. The slip of paper would most likely disappear before the day was done, and Bella didn’t trust her memory in the slightest to absorb the schedule in its entirety for at least a few weeks.

When she stood up, the lady sitting at the desk handed her another slip of paper including her locker number and combination, which also went into her phone with her schedule. More words were said, words that Bella was certain that she heard but didn’t process in the slightest as the noise just fell onto her eardrums in the same way the buzzing of a gnat does.

Then she was dismissed and told to follow school rules and that she wouldn’t be getting any leniency just because she was Chief Swan’s daughter, and Charlie was accompanying her to her locker. Students had begun to arrive by this point and they had to navigate a crowded hallway to get to the right spot.

Whispers bounced from wall to wall as they walked, heads constantly turning and looking with varying mixtures of shock and confusion at Charlie. Curiosity as to why he was here was the main topic of the whispering, with several of the stares ricocheting off of Charlie and onto Bella.

Bella’s shoulders tensed every time she felt someone’s eyes on her, but nobody attempted to speak to her; no doubt due to Charlie’s intimidating presence. A few “Hello Chief Swan”’s were tossed his way, and he responded politely to each student who greeted him, but they were mostly left alone to get to Bella’s locker and deposit all the things she wouldn’t need for her first class of the day.

“You gonna be okay, kiddo?” Charlie asked quietly as he leaned against the lockers. Bella had just closed her own and locked it, spinning the dial before hoisting her backpack onto her shoulder. She shrugged.

“I’ll make it home in one piece,” she said, trying to laugh. All that made it out was a weak, thin chuckle, and Charlie sighed, patting her on the shoulder.

“Good luck,” he said after a moment. “Call me if you need anything.”

“Yeah,” Bella said, chewing on the inside of her cheek. “Bye Charlie.”

It only took thirty seconds after Charlie’s departure for the first person to come up to her, a boy.

“Hey, you’re the new girl. Chief Swan’s kid right?” he asked, looking Bella up and down a little. She felt herself recoil slightly under his gaze, but she nodded. “I’m Eric. Could I get an interview with you for the school paper? It’s not often we get a transfer into Forks High.”

“No,” Bella immediately said. “Excuse me, I have to find my class.”

She pushed past him and started to make her way through the hall. She heard him vaguely as he replied to her, but she ignored the words and just kept walking. A few other students tried to greet her, but she just tuned them out and kept walking. It was only when she just barely broke free of the crowd that she realized she had no clue where she was going,

Bella looked upwards at the little signs posted over the various doors, seeing if there would be any indication. They were labeled with letters and numbers, and when she pulled out her class schedule she couldn’t find anything resembling a guide that actually told her which classroom these classes happened in.

Letting out a small noise of frustration Bella took a step forward to just start walking again, and immediately collided with another person, sending several books tucked under their arm scattering to the ground. One of them hit Bella’s foot and she swore under her breath, setting her jaw.

“f*cking-” Bella hissed under her breath as the person she collided with quickly started apologizing profusely. Other students took brief looks and laughed a little before moving on, and Bella bent over to grab the book by her foot.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t looking where I was going,” the other person was saying. This time it was a girl, taller than Bella by nearly a full head. She had curly brown hair and lightly tanned skin, with thick-rimmed glasses covering nearly a quarter of her face. Bella blankly handed the girl her book back, and resisted the urge to reflexively yank her hand back when their fingers brushed together.

“Are you okay?” the girl asked, looking at Bella with anxious concern.

It took Bella a solid moment to reconfigure her brain as she realized that a girl close to her in age was actually willingly speaking to her, in a way where none of the words involved were slurs or insults, or telling her to go away.

“Fine,” Bella said automatically.

“That’s good,” the girl sighed in relief. “I don’t recognize you, so you must be the new girl everyone’s talking about? Chief Swan’s daughter?”

“Why is everyone talking about me,” Bella whined softly, putting her face in her hands. She sighed and nodded, pushing her hands through her hair. “I’m Bella Swan, yeah. Nice to meet you.”

“Because this town is small and nothing happens here,” the girl said with a light laugh. “It’ll pass eventually, someone will cheat on someone else or someone will get arrested for weed and then you’ll be old news.”

“I’d really rather not be news at all,” Bella muttered, rubbing her upper arm.

“Then you really shouldn’t have come to Forks,” the girl said wryly. “I’m Angela by the way. Angela Weber.”

Angela held her hand out, and Bella stared blankly at it for just long enough for it to be awkward before hesitantly reaching her own hand out and briefly shaking. The contact felt strange, foreign. The only people who had touched her in years had been Renee with her smothering hugs and lipstick-smearing kisses on her cheek, doctors, and Charlie’s occasional awkward pat on the knee or shoulder.

Bella resisted the urge to stare at her own hand after pulling it back, instead subtly rubbing it on her shirt to try and push away the tingling feeling on her skin.

“Do you need help getting around? Has anyone shown you around yet?” Angela asked.

“I uh,” Bella stammered a little, looking back down at her class schedule. “I have no idea what I’m doing,” she admitted.

Angela giggled, covering her mouth with her fist.

“What’s your first class?” she asked.

Bella went over her schedule with her, and found that they shared a few classes together. Angela gave her a quick run-down of which classroom contained each class, and Bella quickly noted it all down in her phone. They spoke as they walked, Angela leading Bella to the classroom she needed to be in for the beginning of the day.

“We’re here by the way,” Angela said as they arrived at a classroom door. There were already several students sitting inside, and Bella took a breath. “You should find me at lunch! You can sit with me and my friends.”

“Uh. Alright,” Bella said, nodding awkwardly. “...thanks.”

“Sure!” Angela said with a smile before heading off down the hallway, leaving Bella in the threshold of the classroom.

The morning continued to pass, fraying Bella’s nerves with every passing minute until the bell rang in the middle of the day, announcing lunch. A few more people had tried talking to Bella throughout the day, but she mostly brushed them off, trying to focus on getting to her classes without getting lost.

As she put her things together and began to prepare herself for another several minutes of being lost in crowded hallways, she could hear whispering. Voices she didn’t know, that she normally would have just ignored, but one of them had said ‘the Swan girl’ and now her ears were pricked and infuriatingly attentive.

“She seems weird,” a girl huffed.

“Weirdly hot,” came a hushed male voice. “Isn’t she supposed to be older too? I wonder why she’s still in her junior year.”

“Who cares,” came the girls voice again, sounding exasperated.

“Think I can get her number?” a third voice asked, a different boy.

“Ugh.”

Bella started putting her things together faster, fumbling with the zipper on her bag trying to get it closed as quickly as possible. She wasn’t fast enough though, as one of the whisperers started to approach from behind her.

“Hey, Swan! Need an escort to the cafeteria?”

“Sorry, no,” Bella said as she finally managed to zip her backpack up, throwing it over her shoulder and walking quickly away. She heard a huff of indignance from the boy as she shoved her way into the hallway, ignoring the irritation and grumbling from the others.

Her heart was thundering in her ears as she tried at first to navigate to the cafeteria, but with every step she took her muscles got more and more tense. She could feel the bile rising in her throat again, and this time she wasn’t confident she could fight it off.

She ducked into a bathroom and quickly found an empty stall, closing it behind her and dropping her backpack as she sunk to her knees and retched, gripping the edges of the toilet as she coughed heavily. Her throat and mouth burned with stomach acid as her empty stomach forced what little it could out of her and into the toilet, and her vision swam as her eyes watered.

A few coughs later, she grabbed some toilet paper and wiped her mouth. Gagging slightly at the smell and lingering taste in her mouth, she tossed it into the toilet and flushed it. She stumbled as she stood up, a palm on her forehead as she took a deep breath.

Bella briefly debated going to the cafeteria but quickly discarded the thought. She would have to speak to Angela and her friends if she went, or ignore them outright, and neither option particularly appealed to her. Avoidance was a policy that worked out for her most of the time, so she quickly grabbed her backpack and walked back into the hallway.

She didn’t know how long she had been in the bathroom, but it was long enough for the hallways to empty. Quickly flicking through her vague memories of Angela’s description of the schools layout, she knew there should be a door leading to a small outdoor area nearby.

A few moments later she found it, a door tucked behind a flight of stairs that led outside. It was nearby a janitor’s closet, and seemed to lead to where a set of large dumpsters were set up against the walls of the school.

Bella didn’t even mind the smell as she opened the door and got hit with the outdoor air, a gentle fall breeze carrying stray leaves across the ground as she took enough steps away from the dumpsters to escape the smell and sat down, her back against the cool brick of the school.

Her eyes closed as she pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs and tilting her head back until she felt the wall. She took long, steady breaths as she tried to calm her racing heart, her only remaining goal for the day being to make it through the afternoon classes. She refused to go home early on her first day.

As she was sitting, she heard a strange rustling noise followed by light, careful footsteps. Cracking an eye open, she saw someone approaching her; a girl. She was short, and at first Bella wondered if she was even a highschooler.

She had short brown hair in a pixie cut, and it looked messy in an intentional way, as if the girl had specifically combed and styled her hair so that it pointed in all sorts of wild directions. It suited her in an odd way. Her hands were clasped behind her back and she swayed back and forth as if she was being pushed around by the wind, the fabric of her skirt blowing around her legs slightly.

The girl simply stood and stared at Bella for a few moments until Bella opened her eyes all the way, clearly letting the girl know that Bella had spotted her.

“Can I help you?” Bella asked brusquely, not particularly in the mood to socialize.

“That depends!” the girl chirped, sounding cheery and upbeat. A wide smile split her face in half, and Bella found herself noticing that she had particularly prominent canine teeth. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

Bella wasn’t sure why she was entertaining the thought of this conversation, but something about this girl was putting her at ease, almost against her own will. There was a whisper in the back of her mind, like the tendrils of an old memory trying to tell her something, but it felt strange and off.

She almost felt as though the girl looked familiar, but in a different way than some of the other Forks residents had felt familiar. In the two weeks leading up to school starting, the few times Bella had been out of the house she had seen a few faces that a part of her had recognized from when she was a child.

Billy Black’s face in particular had stood out to her. He had come over on the weekend to spend time with Charlie, and meet Bella. His face was well-worn and shadowed with time, but Bella still felt a tug in her gut upon seeing it and even though she couldn’t pull out any specific memories, Billy Black’s face still gave her a warm, nostalgic feeling. It was one of the only conversations she had since returning to Forks that was enjoyable to her.

Billy didn’t ask her anything about Arizona or Renee, or why she had come to Forks. Instead he talked to her about books and music, about old movies and tentative questions about her plans for the future.

This girl gave her that strange feeling of foreign familiarity, but as if it was coming from the opposite direction of Billy. While Billy gave her a warm, nostalgic feeling of her childhood self she could no longer clearly remember, this girl felt almost hazy; dreamlike.

“Sure,” Bella said with a nonchalant shrug.

The girl’s smile somehow got a little wider as she skipped a few feet closer, holding her hands out to the side a little before jumping, landing with both feet side by side. She was holding her arms out as if to keep her balance, but something about the way she moved her feet made Bella wonder if she really needed it. The sway of her body when she landed on her feet was almost convincing, but had an uncanny feeling to it.

The hairs on the back of Bella’s neck shivered, standing up and then slowly coming back down. A tickle crept through her spine, a tremble of odd anticipation.

“What,” the girl started slowly, “is the strangest dream you’ve ever had?”

Bella frowned.

The girl just continued to stare and smile at her, her head tilted slightly to the side in the same manner as a puppy does when it’s slightly confused by something. Bella rolled her shoulders as she thought about the question, wondering again why she was entertaining this conversation.

“I don’t really remember my dreams,” she mumbled.

“Really? But you do have them?” the girl inquired, tilting her head in the other direction. The smile had disappeared, having been replaced by a curious half-frown as the girl seemingly puzzled over Bella’s answer.

“I guess so. Doesn’t everyone?” Bella said with a shrug.

“I wouldn’t know. I suppose you’d have to ask everyone in the world to find out,” the girl hummed softly.

“Do you dream?” Bella asked.

“In a sense,” the girl replied easily, poking her foot out and drawing a half-circle across the concrete with her toes.

“One down then,” Bella murmured.

“Only about seven billion to go,” the girl giggled.

The two of them fell into a strangely comfortable silence. The wind whispered softly in Bella’s ear as it gently swam through the air past them, sending a few stray strands of hair into Bella’s face. Tucking the errant locks behind her ear, Bella took another, more thorough look at the girl.

Her skin was perfect. That was the first thing she noticed. She must have an absolutely back-breaking skincare routine, Bella found herself thinking idly as she looked for even the barest hint of a pimple or an acne scar anywhere on the girls face. She couldn’t even see a line where makeup had been blended into her skin, meaning either this girl was unfathomably thorough with her makeup or really just had skin that perfect.

The next thing Bella noticed was the honeyed, amber color of the girls eyes. When their eyes met, the girls face crinkled in another small smile as an almost catlike playfulness danced in her expression, concealing a depth in her eyes that Bella wondered at.

“I’ve never met anyone with amber eyes before,” Bella found herself saying casually.

“Did you know it’s actually rarer to be ginger than to have amber eyes?” the girl replied with a grin.

“...really?” Bella asked, frowning.

“Being ginger is actually rarer than most other cosmetic conditions people think of as rare,” the girl continued, nodding. “Only about two percent of the population are ginger. It’s actually more common to have an outie belly button than to be ginger.”

“Huh,” Bella said. “Neat.”

“Isn’t it?” the girl asked.

Bella was about to continue speaking when the bell rang. She jumped, startled by the sound, which prompted a bout of giggles from the girl. Bella felt her cheeks tint slightly pink from embarrassment as she gathered herself and stood, stretching her neck a little and groaning.

“It was uh, nice meeting you,” Bella said awkwardly to the girl, who had already stepped out of Bella’s path to the door.

“Oh! Yes, it was lovely to finally meet you as well. I’ll be seeing you around Bella!” the girl chirped excitedly before turning and skip-running away around the other side of the school. Bella’s mouth was open to formulate a reply, but before she could say anything the girl was already gone.

“Well. That was...that was something,” Bella mumbled to herself. She paused when she realized she hadn’t actually gotten the girls name, nor given out her own. She supposed it wasn’t exactly too surprising that someone knew her name, she’d introduced herself in class a few times by now at the prompting of teachers, but it was still odd.

Despite her best efforts, Bella couldn’t shake off the thoughts of her strange lunchtime encounter throughout the rest of the day. Angela found her in one of their shared afternoon classes and asked about her whereabouts during lunchtime.

“You okay? I didn’t see you at lunch,” she said, looking a bit wary.

“Yeah, sorry, I uh,” Bella said, trying to find an excuse as Angela sat in the desk next to hers. “Had to take a phone call. Stepped outside for a bit, kinda lost track of time.”

“Oh, I see,” Angela said, nodding slowly.

“I’ll sit with you tomorrow though!” Bella said quickly, trying to smooth things over. While she still wasn’t quite sure how on board she was with the whole ‘making friends’ concept, it was unfortunately an important part of ‘taking Forks seriously’ and she knew her therapist would be quite thoroughly disappointed in her if she self-sabotaged the first tentative offer of genuine friendship she got.

It seemed to work though, as Angela gave her a small smile before the teacher started talking. By the time the class was over, Angela seemed to have decided that Bella wasn’t actually intending to snub her and had gotten over her obviously somewhat-hurt feelings from lunchtime.

So much so that before they parted ways to separate classes, Angela handed Bella her phone with a new contact page already opened up. Bella’s name sat in the ‘Name’ box, and the phone’s keyboard was already open and waiting for a number to be put in.

Bella looked at Angela.

“Y’know, so if you’re gonna blow me off again you can at least text me first,” Angela said, the tone of her voice making it clear she was just poking fun, along with the slightly crooked smile. Bella offered a tentative smile in return and slowly input her own number, handing the phone back to Angela.

A few moments later in her next class, Bella felt her phone buzz against her thigh. Carefully extracting it when the teacher wasn’t looking, she saw the preview of a text from Angela.

Unknown Number[2:34 p.m.]: My friend Mike is really mad that I got your number before he did. The fact that we’re both girls does not seem to be assuaging him :P

Bella half-smiled, half-panicked as she read over the text. Her mind immediately jumped to several awful conclusions at the dismissive implications of Angela’s text, but Bella quickly began working on convincing herself that it was fine. Angela was straight, and simply assumed Bella was too. There was no reason to extract any implication of hom*ophobia from a single text message.

While she managed to fend off panic, Bella did resolve in the back of her mind to test the waters of Angela and her friend groups opinions on certain matters before revealing information about herself. She wanted to keep that under lock and key until she got the lay of the land.

Dark, flickering memories from her old high school in Phoenix threatened ominously at the edges of her consciousness, and she felt a shiver go down her back at the thought of the last time Bella neglected to scout things out before revealing herself.

She didn’t run into Angela the rest of the afternoon. They only shared the one class today, and Bella felt that it was maybe for the best. If they spoke again now, she was certain her fried nerves would be on full display and she’d be unable to conceal the completely unreasonable anxiety that was currently playing havoc with her nervous system over Angela’s text.

The end of the school day saw Bella making her way as fast as she could to the entrance where she hoped Charlie would have already arrived.

Scanning the parking lot for his cruiser, Bella found her eyes glancing across a group of students and finding among them a familiar mop of messy brown hair. The girl from earlier was talking animatedly to a taller blonde boy, hanging off his arm.

A much larger, broader boy was in front of them, walking backwards as he engaged in conversation with her. His hands were in his pockets and he somehow didn’t bump into anyone despite not looking where he was going.

As if she could feel Bella’s eyes, the girl abruptly turned and stared right at Bella’s face, her previous animated expression vanishing in favor of quickly flashing from surprise to curious joy, a small smile alighting on her face as she gave Bella a quick nod before turning back to the blonde boy.

Bella felt another shiver down her spine and growled to herself, irritated at her body for all the off-kilter feedback it was giving her today. She shook herself out and took another look around, sighing in relief as Charlie’s cruiser pulled into the parking lot.

As soon as she was sat in the passenger seat she had her phone out, properly adding Angela to her contacts and texting her back.

Bella [3:53 p.m.]: Mike certainly sounds like a character. Will I be meeting him tomorrow?

“You alright?” Charlie asked as he pulled into the road. “How’d the day go?”

“I threw up,” Bella said bluntly. Charlie grimaced in sympathy. “Aside from the minor anxiety attack though I guess it went about as well as I expected it to. People talking about me like I wasn’t right there in the room with them constantly throughout the day, lots of staring. Can you please go plant some weed on someone so they stop talking about me?”

“Can’t do that Bells,” Charlie chuckled ruefully. “Pretty sure that’s unethical.”

“Lame,” Bella groaned. “I did make one friend though, sort of. Maybe friend is too strong of a word. I met a girl with whom conversation was not entirely painful.”

“Yeah?” Charlie asked. “That’s good.”

Bella debated mentioning the strange girl from lunch, but decided against it. That was a bit too weird to talk about with Charlie, and she wasn’t really sure what the point of it would be.

“Her name’s Angela,” Bella said as her phone buzzed.

Angela [3:56 p.m.]: Unfortunately for you, yes you will. I wish I could tell you that he’s not as obnoxious as he seems and that he gets better when you get to know him but lying is against my personal creed.

Angela [3:56 p.m.]: He’s alright though. If you can get past that part. :)

Bella [3:56 p.m.]: Cool.

“That her?” Charlie asked.

“Mhm,” Bella replied.

“Angela, Angela…” he repeated under his breath a few times. “Tall girl? On the darker side?”

“Yep,” Bella said, popping the ‘p’ as she put her phone away. “Got it in one.”

“I think I know her father,” Charlie muttered to himself. “Good family.”

“I’m glad my first friend has the Charlie Swan stamp of approval,” Bella drawled lightly, prompting a huff from Charlie.

“Hey that’s not an easy stamp to get,” Charlie said firmly. “She should wear it with honor.”

“I’ll be sure to inform her,” Bella said, rolling her eyes lightly.

Some hours, a long, hot shower, and the first thing she’d eaten all day later, Bella collapsed into her bed. It was now a proper wooden frame with a thick, queen-sized mattress instead of a ratty futon. She had three new pillows with a fresh set of sheets and pillowcases, and real blankets now.

There was even a teddy bear, which Bella thought was a bit overkill but Charlie had insisted, saying no kid’s bed was complete without a stuffed animal of some kind. Bella’s insistence that she was no longer a kid fell on deaf ears, and thus Mister Bearington Bear the Third was born.

Charlie asked her what happened to Misters Bearington Bear the First and Second, and when Bella had looked him dead in the eyes and very forlornly informed him that they had died in a horrible stuffed shark attack, she was half convinced Charlie was about to throw her in the looney bin right then and there.

As Bella relaxed in bed, the evening slowly wore on as the sun dipped below the horizon. Various noises of insect life came alive, the gentle chittering being joined by the occasional bird or frog making its presence known. The gloomy gray afternoon curled into a brief explosion of color, orange and pink streaking across the sky as the sun illuminated the clouds and shone in through Bella’s window.

Bella watched the colors fade from the sky before sighing and getting out of bed, walking over to her desk and flicking the lamp on. She sat down and unzipped her backpack, pulling out various packets of homework she had received from classes so far.

The teachers all were various levels of lenient about when Bella could turn in the homework they had assigned since the semester started, but all of them expected it to happen before the end of the year.

She began working, filling in worksheets, reading and re-reading sections of textbooks, and filling up pages of notes in a fresh pad. Bella worked for about an hour when she heard her phone buzz again and, thinking it was Angela again, she picked up her phone and flicked the display on.

Unknown Number [6:03 p.m.]: Lovely meeting you today Bella. I hope you don’t mind the unprompted communication, but I must insist you go to the cafeteria for lunch tomorrow. It’s quite important. Thank you! :)

Bella blinked a few times in confusion, trying to figure out if she had given her number to anyone at all today besides Angela.

Bella [6:05 p.m.]: Who is this?

Unknown Number [6:05 p.m.]: Spoilers! :)

The immediacy and strangeness of the one-word response set Bella on edge. She stood up and looked out of her window, feeling a wave of paranoia sweep over her. After confirming that nobody was outside, that she could see, she grabbed her phone again.

Bella [6:10 p.m.]: This isn’t funny. Who are you?

Unknown Number [6:10 p.m.]: I’m very sorry for upsetting you! That wasn’t my intention in the slightest. I’m simply trying to push a few things in the right direction, you see. I promise you I only have your best intentions in mind and mean you no harm whatsoever.

This time the reply was much longer, but still came in practically immediately; as if the sender knew exactly when Bella was going to send her own text. Bella was going to reply when another text came in.

Unknown Number [6:10 p.m.]: Is there anything I can say to soothe your fears?

Bella [6:14 p.m.]: My dad is the local Chief of Police. If you’re some kind of weirdo stalker, you’re not going to have a good time.

Unknown Number [6:14 p.m.]: I can see you’re not very responsive right now, which is probably my mistake. I’ll leave you alone now, and I apologize again for scaring you. But if you could pretty please eat lunch in the cafeteria tomorrow it would make things a lot easier for everyone.

Bella [6:15 p.m.]: Seriously, who are you??

Unknown Number [6:15 p.m.]: Spoilers!!!!!

Bella groaned and threw her phone into her bed, putting her face in her hands.

Part of her debated going to Charlie and showing him the texts, but another, much louder part of her guessed that it was just one of Angela’s friends that had gotten her number somehow and was playing a very weird, very creepy practical joke of some kind.

Scaring Angela’s friends with her dad was not exactly the best way to endear herself, but on the other hand if it was some kind of stalker, Charlie would probably disembowel Bella himself for not telling him sooner.

In the end she decided to just leave it. One way or the other she’d figure out what was going on tomorrow, and if Angela and her friends denied knowledge of the texts then she’d simply take her phone to Charlie.

She went to sleep not long after that, her brain finally giving her the message that it was very much done with being conscious for the day and it was time for bed. She brushed her teeth, said goodnight to Charlie, and went to bed.

~~~~~~~

When she woke the next day, the first thing she did was check her phone; only to discover that the mysterious texts from the previous night had vanished entirely without a trace. She checked every last aspect of her phone to see if it had been broken into in some fashion, but it was functioning completely the same as last night.

The last text she had received was the one from Angela that had come in on her way home from school. No sign of the number from the previous night.

Bella felt like she was going crazy.

She knew it had happened. She had received those texts. She had replied to those texts. There had to be a way to recover them if they had mysteriously deleted themselves through some glitch or bug in her phone.

As she was gathering her things for school she dialed the customer support line for her carrier, and was still speaking with them when she went downstairs. Charlie was standing at the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee, waiting for her.

“No, I’m absolutely positive I received them last night. Around six. Yes. Yes ,” Bella repeated herself, pinching the bridge of her nose. “What do you mean you aren’t able to recover lost texts. Don’t you guys keep all that sh*t to send to the government to find terrorists and sh*t?”

Charlie raised his eyebrows in concerned curiosity as Bella ranted.

“No, you know what, I want to speak to someone who can help me, put your manager on,” Bella snapped eventually. Then she groaned again, bending over and putting a hand on the counter. “Seriously? Is he actually in a meeting or are you just stonewalling me because he wouldn’t know what the hell to do either? Yeah. Yeah I bet. Yeah whatever, have a nice day.”

Bella hung up the phone and stood up straight, taking a deep breath.

“Stupid useless customer support,” she muttered before turning around to face Charlie. “Hi. Sorry. Stressful morning. My phone somehow deleted an entire message history with someone and the company is pretending they don’t know anything about it or how I would go about recovering lost messages.”

“That sucks. Was it that Angela girl? You can always get her number again today if you lost it,” Charlie said sympathetically.

“No. Someone else,” Bella said offhandedly, rubbing her temples. “Can we just go? I’m about to scream at someone and I just want to get there.”

“Sure,” Charlie said, tossing Bella a set of keys. She reflexively caught them before a look of confusion washed over her face, and she looked from the keys, to Charlie, back to the keys, back to Charlie. Back to the keys. Back to Charlie. Keys. Charlie. Keys. Charlie. Keys.

“Bweh?” she eventually managed to get out.

“I figure I owe you for about ten years of missed birthday parties,” Charlie said slowly, taking another sip of coffee. “Technically it’s from me and Billy. Billy’s truck that his kid fixed up, and I bought it off him for a discount.”

“Bwuh?” Bella said again.

“Picked it up early this morning,” Charlie said. “It’s in the driveway now. Full tank of gas, ready to go. You uh, you do have your license, right?”

Bella nodded several times in rapid succession. Getting her drivers license had actually been one of the few things Renee was on top of. Depressive episodes be damned, Bella had been pushed and prodded and corralled into learning how to drive.

“Good. You’ll be taking yourself to school then, unless you need me for navigation,” Charlie chuckled.

“I can GPS it,” Bella whispered before throwing the keys onto the counter and practically launching herself at Charlie. He grunted and lifted his arms up to stop his coffee from spilling as Bella briefly wrapped her arms around his torso in a bear hug before releasing him just as quickly and leaping several feet back, smacking her hip against the counter in the process.

The two of them stared at each other for a minute.

“I uh,” Bella coughed awkwardly. “Thanks. Charlie. That uh, that means a lot. To me. I really appreciate it.”

“Don’t mention it,” Charlie mumbled, rescuing his mouth from having to say more words by drinking more coffee.

Bella thanked Charlie again before grabbing the keys and racing out to the driveway. She was met with a worn-out truck that looked like it had been made twenty years ago, but whoever had done the work on it had done a very reasonable job. It certainly wouldn’t be fooling anybody into thinking it was new, but it was hers and that’s all that mattered to Bella right now.

Hopping in the driver seat and inserting the keys, Bella couldn’t stop the smile from breaking through her lips as the engine rumbled to life. It stuttered a few times but was soon consistently chugging away, and Bella took a few moments to familiarize herself with it before slowly pulling out of the driveway.

For the moment, the thoughts of the mysterious vanishing texts and the impending arrival of whatever the texter wanted for Bella at lunchtime were pushed to the back of her mind as she took a few laps around the block to get acquainted with her new vehicle.

It was another step towards moving forward, Bella felt as she finally pulled onto the main road to head towards the school. Even once she had her license, she hadn’t made any real use of it back in Phoenix. She’d drive Renee to the grocery store occasionally when Renee really didn’t want to drive herself, but that was about it.

But here she was. Driving a truck that, beat-up hunk of metal it may be, was all her own.

Bella arrived at school that day with a smile that not even the stares of the students as she walked in through the front doors could wipe away immediately.

It only disappeared when she saw Angela, and asked her if she had given her number to any of her friends. Angela looked at her strangely and shook her head.

“Uh, no? Why would I do that?” Angela asked.

“I just got some weird texts last night and I wondered if someone was playing a joke on me,” Bella sighed.

“Oh. It was probably just spam,” Angela said with a dismissive shrug. “Anyway, are you coming to lunch with me today like you said?”

Bella’s stomach did a flip.

“Uh. Yeah. Yeah, sure,” Bella nodded, trying to tamp down her anxiety.

It would be fine. Bella would be fine.

Probably.

...right?

Chapter 3: I Don't Know Quite Who I Am, But Man I Am Trying

Chapter Text

Fate was a concept Bella never put much stock in. In her childhood, the stories of destined heroes and Chosen Ones, of prophecies, never resonated with her. She enjoyed stories about people, regular people just going through their lives and struggles. When a fantasy craze swept through her elementary school and recess was dominated by wizards and knights and dragons, Bella was sat underneath a slide reading something that teachers would snidely inform her was ‘too far above her reading level’ and her peers would deem ‘boring and lame’.

She wondered occasionally if it was Renees taste in television that pushed her in that direction. To this day, her mother was obsessed with procedural dramas. Cops and doctors seemed to be the most prevalent subjects in her mothers television-watching, all of whom seemed to have an endless well of drama in their personal lives to draw on. Secret and counter-secret, plotlines that logically could have been solved in a single episode drawn out to a whole season by pulling the lever of human stupidity, and a frankly uncanny portrayal of the natural tendency human beings seem to have towards hurting each other; intentionally or otherwise.

Bella would eat it up along with her. Even as she grew older and started to develop some of her own tastes, countless hours were wiled away sat in front of a television as a group of middle-aged actors collected their fourteenth straight year of paychecks from the same show.

Those were the kinds of stories that Bella always enjoyed. The tragedy of human choices, scoffed at as unrealistic by critics of those stories, but Bella knew that there was a bit more truth in them than most would be comfortable admitting.

She had seen and experienced first-hand the kind of pain human beings are willing to inflict on each other for seemingly no other reason than the drama of it all.

~~~~~

The second day of school progressed exactly the same way the first day did. There were some minute differences, like which classrooms specifically Bella got lost on the way to, but it was the same pattern. Navigate the hallways, find the right classroom, sit through the class, ignore the whispers and stares, wash, rinse, repeat.

But today, the ramping anxiety throughout the morning had a real source rather than simply being a build-up from the natural stressors of Bella’s surroundings. The mystery texts hung in the back of Bella’s mind ominously, and as lunch got closer and closer, she could barely keep her hands from trembling as she took notes.

She tried to distract herself with anything she had available. She read through her textbooks, and when that became too mind-numbing she scribbled in the margins of her notebooks; idle little doodles and words that ultimately meant nothing.

The final period before lunch had Bella completely unable to focus on anything other than keeping the meager contents of her stomach firmly inside. It felt like electricity was humming through her body, her capillaries tingling and swelling with each heartbeat. Her vision would occasionally swim in front of her eyes as her throat dried up from unseen ash; prompting dry, uncomfortable swallows every few minutes to try and ease the sandpaper-sensation of her throat closing up.

Dull vibrations in the air were all that reached her from the teacher’s lecturing mouth; his lips moving only to produce a slightly warm, bassy tone that sounded to Bella like hearing someone speak through several feet of water. She could somewhat make out the words and parse general context from the shapes his mouth made, but otherwise she couldn’t understand a thing.

Someone asked her if they could borrow a pencil at some point, she was pretty sure. She felt a little bad for ignoring them but she barely had enough control over her limbs to write her own notes; if she tried to hand someone a pencil right now she was certain she’d somehow end up stabbing someone’s eye out by complete accident.

“sh*t,” she whispered as the tip of her pencil lead broke on her notebook. The sound cracked through her skull like a gunshot and she was certain the entire classroom must be staring at her right now. She kept her eyes pointed firmly downwards, the weight of the inevitable glares and eyes pointed her way crushing her esophagus. Her notes turned to utter gibberish in front of her and time began to feel dilated and murky, caught between hours feeling like seconds and seconds feeling like hours.

And then the bell rang and Bella flinched hard, squeezing the broken pencil in her hand and wincing from the pain in her fingers. Conversation began flowing through the room and managed to break through the hammering of Bella’s heartbeat in her ears. The slow realization bled through that she was, in fact, not being stared at, and a soft exhale of relief passed through her lips.

Her legs felt wobbly from the adrenaline spike as she tried to stand, stumbling slightly into her desk. She clumsily gathered her things together with a faint sense of defeat. There was no avoiding the cafeteria now, if she didn’t get something to eat after that she was liable to pass out.

Shoulders jostled against shoulders as Bella allowed herself to be swept and bumped through the hallways, mumbled apologies constantly on her lips as she made her way to the cafeteria. The edges of her vision were a little fuzzy and her legs still wobbled, but by the time she got the cafeteria she mostly just felt sleepy.

A tray was unceremoniously filled up with the vague slopperies of a high school lunch. A sandwich filled with what could only be canned ‘Sloppy Joe’ meat on a fifty-cent bun, a scoop of vaguely lumpy macaroni and ‘cheese’, a scoop of vegetables that smelled about as appetizing as they looked, and a choice between either a small bottle of Sunny D or a weird, off-brand lemonade.

She chose the Sunny D. It might have the taste equivalent to what an alien might guess an orange would taste like based off a verbal description, but at least it was familiar. Turning around she already saw Angela waving her over.

Angela had an open seat next to her, on the edge of the table. On her other side was another girl, with braided hair. Sitting across from her were two boys and a third girl, all three of which were attempting to, with varying levels of subtlety, look over their shoulders at Bella.

Bella approached and sat down, keeping a wary eye out for the mystery texter. She sat with a heavy sigh and rubbed at her eyes with the base of her palms, turning to Angela with a tired expression.

“Hello. It has been a morning. I certainly hope yours has gone far better than mine,” she said with as much friendliness as she could muster. It wasn’t much, and Bella expected she sounded far more irritated than she actually felt, but Angela seemed to pick up on it enough to flash a smile in return.

“It’s been whatever,” Angela said with a shrug. “Bella these are my friends. Jessica, Lauren, Tyler, and Mike.”

She pointed at each in turn, each of them greeting Bella with varying levels of enthusiasm. Jessica, the girl sitting on Angela’s other side, immediately pounced on Bella with a flurry of questions about why she had moved to Forks and was it really true that she was already eighteen and why did she have to repeat her Junior year?

Lauren made a show of rolling her eyes at Jessica but couldn’t hide the curiosity that was still blatantly showing on her face. Tyler and Mike just looked at Jessica with exasperated expressions, and Angela scrunched her eyes closed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“What?” Jessica asked the group, looking vaguely offended at their reactions. “Am I supposed to just not ask?”

“Jess…” Angela started.

“It’s fine,” Bella said quietly, pushing her macaroni around with a plastic fork. “I went through a really rough patch back in Phoenix and got held back a year. No biggie. I’m in Forks for a...change of scenery, I guess.”

“Pretty drastic change,” Lauren commented. Bella just shrugged.

“So, you got a boyfriend back in Phoenix or whatever? Is he mad you moved?” one of the boys asked, Mike, Bella thought.

She couldn’t help the knee-jerk reaction and gagged slightly, shaking her head.

“Ugh, no,” Bella said, rolling her eyes before taking a bite of her sandwich. It was disgusting, but she resolutely forced her way through chewing it to a rough swallow, drowning the bite with some Sunny D.

“Cool. Cool cool cool,” Mike said, shifting in his seat and running a hand through his hair in a way he clearly thought made him look attractive, but Bella just thought he looked a bit silly.

Some more surface level conversation was exchanged as Bella slowly picked her way through her food. Most of the questions were things she deflected, some of them were easy enough to answer like her favorite movie or band, and eventually they seemed to lose interest in her. Angela was the only one who kept talking directly to Bella, with the other four seemingly happy to conversate amongst themselves.

About halfway through lunch the doors opened again, and the strangest thing happened. All the conversation in the room seemed to die in an instant, replaced with only a few hushed voices as all heads briefly turned in the same direction. For only a second Bella nearly panicked thinking everyone was about to look at her, but then her head turned in the same direction as everyone elses.

Bella’s eyes widened as she took in a view of the most attractive group of teenagers she had ever seen in her life. Practically air-brushed supermodels made reality, they talked amongst themselves as they filed down the line, filling up their trays.

She nearly did a double take when she spotted the same girl from yesterday among them, squished in between the same two boys she had seen her with in the parking lot. She was practically bouncing with every step, and had a face-splitting grin on.

Then, as soon as the silence had arrived, it left. The din of conversation returned to the room and it was as if the moment of silence hadn’t even happened in the first place. Bella felt a poke on her cheek and she turned to face Angela.

“Yeah, sorry, I should have warned you or something?” she said awkwardly. “That happens every day they’re here. You kinda get used to it.”

“Who…?” Bella said, her brain trying to catch up with what it had just experienced.

“The Cullens,” Lauren muttered, rolling her eyes. “Bunch of f*cking freaky weirdos. They’re pretty, sure, I guess, but whatever.”

“You’re just mad because Rosalie roasted your outfit so hard last year you had to burn it,” Tyler snarked, chuckling at the murderous glare Lauren threw his way.

“They moved here the summer before last,” Angela explained to Bella. “All adopted by some rich doctor named Carlisle Cullen and his wife Esme. I guess they can’t have kids of their own or something so they adopt.”

Bella took another glance at the Cullen kids, who had all made their way towards the only empty lunch table in the room. Something warm passed over her as she glanced at them, and a powerful urge to keep staring was muted by Angela catching her attention again with further explanation.

“They have a bit of a mixed reputation around here,” she continued with an awkwardness to her tone. “Emmett and Alice are friendly enough, especially if you manage to catch them without their siblings around, but the other three are a bit...um…”

“Edward and Rosalie are massive bitches,” Jessica grumbled, interrupting. “Edward’s tolerable though I guess as long as you don’t try to talk to him. But you can just tell that he’s one of those super judgmental pricks that thinks he’s way better than everyone around him.”

“Which is who?” Bella muttered to Angela, the names being thrown at her meaning absolutely nothing.

“Right, yeah, sorry,” Angela said, trying to subtly point at each Cullen without them noticing. “Big football-player looking guy is Emmett. Somehow he’s the least intimidating of them all, he’s really nice actually. Still kind of standoffish and weirdly private and avoidant of anyone outside his family, they all are, but he’s nice.”

“Okay,” Bella said with a nod, tossing another sideways glance.

“Dark haired boy is Edward. Despite Jessica’s words he’s...fine. A bit prissy I guess but I think he’s mostly just tired of having to constantly reject all the girls who routinely ask him out once every other month or so. I think Jessica attempted it three times before she gave up.”

Jessica huffed and turned away from Angela, flipping her a not-so-subtle bird in the process.

“Who’s the short one?” Bella mumbled. “I ran into her yesterday. She was, uh…”

“That’s Alice,” Angela said with a nod. “She’s a character, yeah. Don’t get me wrong she’s nice and will happily carry a conversation with you if she’s alone, but she’s definitely kind of out there.”

“She’s a freak,” Lauren said plainly.

“She is not a freak,” Angela insisted. “Just because she’s a bit spacey and says weird things sometimes doesn’t make her a freak.”

“No but the fact that she’s dating her brother does,” Lauren said, making a face. Bella coughed hard, having been in the middle of taking a drink.

Angela thumped her on the back a few times as she tried not to choke.

“What?” Bella rasped.

“The blonde boy, Jasper, people think he and Alice are together,” Angela sighed.

“They are,” Lauren insisted. “Johnny says that Colleen, his friends girlfriend I think? Saw them making out under the stairs last May.”

“Right, because that’s a reliable source of information,” Angela muttered.

Lauren scoffed and pulled out her phone.

“And...the last one?” Bella asked quietly. She had managed to connect faces and names to four of the five Cullens, which left ‘Rosalie’ to the tall blonde girl whose legs Bella was most certainly not looking at. Definitely not.

“Rosalie Hale. Jasper’s twin sister. They kept their last names, I guess,” Angela said with a shrug. “She’s the only one who actually lives up to her reputation. She’s got a real viper of a tongue on her, more likely to insult you in some way than say good morning.”

Bella definitely did not need to be thinking about Rosalie Hale’s tongue and found herself cursing Angela’s choice of words in the back of her mind as she swallowed, reaching out and taking another gulp of juice as her throat suddenly dried up again.

“I see,” she managed to get out. “Why is she so mean dyou think?”

Angela shrugged.

“Dunno. Don’t care. She’s just mean. Sometimes people deserve it. Sometimes she unloads on someone for the sin of existing in her presence. You never really know with her. I’ve just learned to stay out of her way and out of her business.”

Bella thought for a few moments before turning to Lauren.

“Did you really burn an outfit because of something she said?”

Lauren’s following scowl would have melted her phone in her hands if looks could kill, and she curled her lip; shooting a dirty look at Tyler.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she spat.

Bella held up her hands in mock surrender.

The conversation fell off after that, with Bella drifting to the outside of it all as the group began to chatter amongst themselves again. In the corners of her eye the Cullen family sat and spoke amongst themselves, and Bella couldn’t stop her attention from flickering over them.

She noticed they weren’t eating. Just pushing the food around occasionally. Rosalie Hale wasn’t even bothering to do that though. Her tray was pushed several inches away from her and she didn’t even spare it a glance, instead she seemed to be deep in conversation with her twin brother.

There was something about Rosalie Hale that kept pulling Bella’s attention towards her. In the thirty minutes they shared a cafeteria together, there was something that kept nudging Bella’s eyes towards her over and over again, moreso than her siblings.

At first Bella thought it was just her looks. She was attractive. More attractive than any girl she’d ever met before, and Bella moaned inwardly as she prayed to whatever gods might be listening to not develop a crush on what was clearly the most unattainable girl in Forks, let alone in school.

Eventually, near the end of the lunch period when people started to pack up their bags in anticipation of the bell, one of Bella’s flickering glances caught the eye of Alice Cullen. Amber eyes snapped to Bella’s dark brown and locked her in place. Bella felt her neck flush with embarrassment at being caught looking, but Alice didn’t seem to mind in the slightest.

To the contrary even. Alice’s eyes lit up with amused sparkles as she held brief eye contact with Bella, and the corner of her mouth turned up in a truly mischeivous smirk. Something wiggled in the back of Bella’s mind, an errant thought that Bella was certain was important somehow but couldn’t be nailed down in her embarrassed, preoccupied state.

Alice stood up the moment the bell rang, deftly half-vaulting over the bench of the table. Ducking and weaving around the students she was gone from Bella’s sight.

Angela handed Bella her backpack.

“I’ll see you later?” she asked with an awkward smile. “I hope my friends didn’t upset you too much with their barrage of questions.”

“Eh. Nothing I haven’t dealt with before,” Bella deflected, taking her backpack and slinging it over her shoulder. “And, yeah. I’ll see you later.”

Angela smiled again before turning around and joining her friends as they left the cafeteria together. Bella was about to make her own way out when she felt slender fingers clasp around her wrist and carefully pull her backwards, somehow guiding her around the other students so she didn’t collide with anyone.

She yelped in surprise as she turned around, finding Alice Cullen with a firm grip on her wrist and pulling her into the corner of the cafeteria. When Alice finally let go of her wrist, Bella yanked her arm back and rubbed at the skin where Alice’s fingers had touched.

Cold, Bella thought idly.

“What the hell!?” she blurted out loud. Alice grinned and stood on her toes, tilting her head to the side and looking at Bella’s face.

“Hello,” she said pleasantly, holding her hand out. “I realized I forgot to introduce myself properly yesterday, which was very rude of me. I’m Alice Cullen. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintence.”

“So you just attack me in the cafeteria?” Bella asked with an exasperated sigh.

“I didn’t attack you!” Alice gasped. “I just wanted to talk to you away from a crowd, that’s all.”

Bella resisted the urge to groan, and instead took a deep breath. Alice kept smiling at her, her hand still stuck out between them. Sighing again, Bella took her hand and gave it a quick shake, noting again how cold her hand was.

“Bella Swan,” she muttered.

“I know,” Alice giggled. “I think everyone knows who you are.”

“Yippee,” Bella deadpanned. “Was that all you wanted? I have to get to class.”

Alice pouted a little.

“This isn’t how it’s supposed to go,” she grumbled to herself.

“What?” Bella asked, even more confused than before.

“Nothing,” Alice said with a dramatic sigh. “Do you know what verisimilitude means?”

Bella blinked.

“Maybe? It sounds familiar,” she said after a moment.

Alice shook her head and frowned.

“I’m sorry. This is all out of order. Sometimes I have trouble, you see,” she said, keeping a conversational tone despite the profound sadness that had begun to spread across her face. “Things don’t always happen to me the way I want them to.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Bella mumbled.

“Let me start over,” Alice said, straightening herself up and holding her hand out again. “Hi. I’m Alice Cullen. Myself and my family are also new to Forks and it’s nice to see another new face, and I was wondering if you’d like to be my friend.”

Despite her overall annoyance with the situation, Bella couldn’t help herself from feeling charmed by Alice and her strangeness. Despite the oddity of it all she had enjoyed their conversation from yesterday, and she could definitely relate to being awkward with making friends.

She started to hold her hand out again, and then frowned.

“Wait a minute,” she muttered. “Was that you last night? Did you get my number somehow?”

Alice frowned again and tilted her head to the side.

“I’m sorry? I don’t think I follow.”

Bella took a half step back, furrowing her brow. “Someone texted me some weird sh*t last night, and specifically told me to be in the cafeteria today. Was that you?”

Alice looked utterly befuddled, shaking her head slowly.

“I’m sorry Bella, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Do you still have the texts? I can show you my number and you can see if they match, here,” Alice said, pulling her phone out and opening it.

“No, no, it’s fine,” Bella sighed, rubbing her temples. “Angela said it was probably just some weird spam. Or maybe it was just a stupid prank of some kind. Just forget I said anything.”

“Alright,” Alice said, putting her phone away. “Are you alright?”

Bella waited a beat before replying.

“You ever ask yourself if anyone else knows what they’re doing? Or if it’s just you who doesn’t know what the f*ck is ever going on or who they are, or what they’re doing? Like everyone else knows exactly what’s up, and you’re just a lost idiot?” Bella asked, her voice coming out strained and thick. She had no idea what she was saying or why she was saying it to someone she had only just met yesterday, but the words came tumbling and spilling out regardless.

Alice’s face softened and she nodded slowly.

“Yeah. I know what you mean,” she said quietly.

Bella just nodded.

A few moments later she realized she and Alice were the only two left in the cafeteria, and they were definitely late to class at this point. Her heart rate spiked and she groaned, smacking herself in the forehead.

“Great. My second day and I’m already late to a class.”

“Want to just skip it with me? We can go sit outside for a bit and just go to our next classes. One skip near the start of the year won’t hurt anything,” Alice said with a small smile.

Bella contemplated the idea of walking into an already-full class, blatnatly several minutes late, and enduring the stares of everyone as she stumbled to her seat. This idea was contemplated for about thirty seconds before Bella decided she’d rather set her shoes on fire and tap-dance.

“Screw it,” she muttered. “Sure. Why not.”

“Excellent!” Alice said, clapping her hands together and grinning. She led Bella outside to a spot where they could sit in relative comfort. Bella set a quick alarm on her phone to go off five minutes before the class she was skipping ended, so she would have plenty of time to make it to the next one.

“So where did you move from?” Bella asked Alice as they sat together, backs against the wall of the school building.

“Alaska,” Alice chirped, grabbing a few long blades of grass and carefully beginning to braid them together. “You?”

“Whoa,” Bella said, eyes widening slightly. “Total opposite. Phoenix.”

“Ohhh, I’ve always wanted to go to Arizona!” Alice sighed. “I’ve never seen the Grand Canyon. It’s a travesty!”

“It’s just a big hole in the ground,” Bella chuckled. “Plus, doesn’t Alaska have like, glaciers and stuff? That’s way cooler.”

“I guess,” Alice shrugged.

They were quiet for a few moments before Bella kept talking.

“What was that word you said earlier? Versimiliwhatsit?”

“Verisimilitude,” Alice said with a giggle. “It’s...the quality of something appearing to be true or real.”

“So like, a hallucination?” Bella asked with a frown. “Or like something that’s not real that looks like it is?”

“Not quite,” Alice said, shaking her head. “It’s more of a feeling, I suppose. Things that are already true or real can carry the feeling of verisimilitude. When used in philosophical terms it describes the concept of some propositions are closer to being true than others.”

“Huh. So what did you mean earlier, when you brought it up?” Bella asked curiously. “And all that stuff about being out of order?”

Alice was quiet for a while, which struck Bella as something that must be unusual; based entirely on her few brief prior encounters with her.

“I have a form of...you could call it maladaptive daydreaming, I suppose,” Alice eventually continued. “My mother says I have a very overactive imagination. Sometimes I imagine the things I want to be true so much that they almost become true, in a sense.”

“I see,” Bella replied softly after a few moments. “So…”

“So, I got very excited about another new student and whipped myself up into a frenzy imagining what you might be like and thinking that we could be friends,” Alice said quickly with a huff. “It’s quite embarrassing and I’d like to move past it now, if we could. Please.”

Bella turned that over in her mind a few times before shrugging. She’d certainly heard weirder things, and she would be the last person to criticize someone else for their brain doing wacky things without their permission. Pot meeting kettle and all.

“Consider it forgotten,” Bella said.

“Wonderful!” Alice chirped, and suddenly she was back to the sprightly, chattery individual Bella had observed briefly yesterday. She suddenly found herself absolutely plastered with questions about herself, barely able to get a word in edgewise to ask Alice her own questions.

Somehow though Bella found herself enjoying the time, far moreso than she had enjoyed the lunch with Angela and her friends. She liked Angela well enough, her friends maybe not so much, but there was something about Alice that just clicked a little more for Bella. She wondered if maybe it was some kind of kindred spirit thing, two screwed up brains recognizing each other and doing the Spider-Man pointing meme over it.

Eventually her alarm went off, and she quickly got up to make her way to her next class, hopefully without a lot of questions being asked.

“Can I have your phone number? So we can keep in touch outside of school?” Alice asked hopefully as they prepared to part ways.

“...yeah, yeah why not,” Bella said, digging her phone out and creating a contact for Alice. She exchanged phones with Alice, who had done the same, and put her number in.

Ten minutes later she was sitting in her next class, bouncing her knee nervously as she waited to see if anyone would comment on her skipping the previous class somehow when her phone buzzed.

Alice Cullen [1:47 p.m.]: Hello new friend! Thank you very much for putting up with my eccentricities, I appreciate it greatly :)

Bella rolled her eyes in amusem*nt as she put her phone away. The thoughts of the mystery texter had mostly fallen out of her mind at this point, her thoughts now occupied with the strangest new friend she’d ever made and her equally strange-sounding family.

That night Bella’s dreams were full of amber eyes and swishing blonde hair, and she woke up feeling warm and sweaty in the middle of a cold October. She didn’t remember her dreams, but she would find herself unable to rid her thoughts of amber eyes.

~~~~~~~

The rest of October found Bella forming a routine of sorts. On the weekdays she would go to school, suffer through the anxiety of the morning, and then alternate between sitting with Angela and her friends for lunch or sitting outside with Alice.

Slowly the constant stares in the hallway waned as she became more and more a part of everyone’s day-to-day lives, although Bella could never quite shrug off the feeling entirely. It would creep up her neck throughout the day, the unearthly, eerie feeling of being watched, but she could never quite tell who was watching her.

Alice was an absolutely fascinating person, Bella was discovering. She could talk a mile a minute and would routinely bounce through several different topics in the span of one conversation until you were dizzy.

She had yet to meet any more of her family properly, which Bella didn’t mind. Juggling two friends was already a lot more than she was expecting to do during her first month back at school, and adding more social connections onto that was a trial she didn’t quite want to put herself through.

One thing that was exceedingly strange though was that whenever Alice was with her family, she would barely acknowledge Bella. They would make brief eye contact occasionally and Alice would share with her a small, almost secret smile, but for all intents and purposes they might as well not know each other at all when Alice’s family was around. The rest of them didn’t even acknowledge Bella at all, who herself was far too anxious to try approaching Alice herself outside of when they’d arrange through text to sit together outside for lunch.

Bella asked her about it once in the first week of November, and the conversation quickly changed in tone.

“Don’t take it personally,” Alice first tried to deflect. “Who says I’m not just keeping you to myself, huh?”

“But why do you ignore me when they’re around?” Bella asked, frowning. “Not to get all weirdo on you or whatever, but like, us being friends isn’t a...problem, is it?”

She wondered if the Cullens had somehow found out that she was gay, and if that was why Alice was keeping her away from them. She was trying to keep away from obsessing over those sorts of thoughts until she got solid confirmation, but she couldn’t escape the anxiety it created.

Alice’s immediate response to her query didn’t help matters. She chewed at her lower lip a little, again exposing her prominent canine as she did so. The hesitancy caused the anxiety to flare up even harder in Bella’s chest, and she barely managed to keep her composure.

“It isn’t,” Alice said. She was obviously choosing her words very carefully, which somewhat undermined the reassuring effect they were intended to have. “My family is very...private. They don’t take kindly to people trying to get in our business. It’s just better for everyone if I keep you away for now.”

Bella frowned.

“Are you in a cult?” she asked bluntly.

Alice’s immediate bursting into hysterical laughter helped settle Bella’s nerves somewhat, but she was still feeling wired as Alice slowly came down from the hysterics and managed to force out a response through hiccupy laughter.

“No, although I can completely see why you’d think that,” she giggled. “My father, Carlisle, is very rich you see. He comes from an old European family that can trace its lineage back to some very powerful people. All of us have had it quite thoroughly impressed upon us that it is a very real possibility that someone might try to take advantage of us for the family’s money, perhaps a little too intensely if you ask me.”

Oh.

That made sense, Bella supposed. She still didn’t quite feel her anxiety go away entirely, but she wasn’t about to completely freak out anymore.

“I see,” Bella said. “So your siblings are worried that I would swindle you out of your inheritance or something?”

“Something like that,” Alice giggled. “Unfortunately for you while you’re very cute, I am quite taken.”

Bella made a wet, strangled sound in her throat as she tried to start a sentence about half a dozen times before just giving up and staring with dinner-plate eyes at Alice, who was already rolling on the ground cackling again.

“Wh-wha?” Bella eventually managed to sputter out. “Wha-what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Please,” Alice hiccuped. “You’re about as subtle as a flaming freight train. My sister has nice legs, doesn’t she?”

Bella squawked, for lack of a better descriptor, and immediately hid her face behind her hands. This sent Alice into a whole new round of belly-aching cackling and rolling around on the ground, her feet kicking in the air with mirth as Bella did her best tomato impression. When she eventually got over the feeling of ‘I-wish-the-universe-would-just-swallow-me-up-now’ enough to peek between her fingers, Alice was sitting up only a few inches away from her face, smiling broadly.

“You’re not mad?” Bella asked in a very small, timid voice.

“I’m not mad,” Alice confirmed. “You could say I lean towards a female persuasion myself sometimes, but I’m presently quite content with Jasper.”

Bella blinked.

“You’re actually dating? That’s not just a rumor?” she asked incredulously. Alice shrugged awkwardly.

“We’re not actually related,” she said. “I’m the newest member of the family and we were both already teenagers. If it makes it less weird neither of us considered each other siblings for a moment, there was...something there right away.”

“Huh,” Bella said.

“You know who I do consider my sibling though,” Alice said mischeivously. “Rosalie. Isn’t she pretty? I think you’d be cute together. You’re all dark and broody and she’s all fire and, you know, rawr angry and stuff.”

“Alice!” Bella yelped, smacking her upper arm and wincing. Despite her small stature Bella had discovered that Alice was deceptively fit, and playful punches and smacks hurt Bella more than they did Alice. Not that it stopped her from doing it.

“I’m just saying,” Alice said, flopping back onto the ground and laying spread eagle, staring up at the cloud-filled sky. “You’re obviously attracted to her and I’m giving you the sibling stamp of approval, so you should one-hundred percent go for it. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Considering that last week she told Tyler she’d string him up by his nuts and turn him into a pinata if he ever looked at her rear again, I’m scared to imagine,” Bella mumbled, hiding her face again and groaning.

Alice scoffed.

“That’s because he’s just a dumb horny boy who doesn’t actually respect her. You’re different, I can tell. I mean, you’d have to scale back how much you stare at her legs but - “

“Can we please move on from me and Rosalie’s legs,” Bella pleaded.

“Hah! I knew you thought about them,” Alice said, pointing at Bella from the ground.

“I’m gonna have to move again,” Bella said dramatically to herself. “I’m gonna have to change my name. Maybe get plastic surgery on my face. Definitely going to have to dye my hair.”

“You’re very dramatic,” Alice commented.

“Hush you,” Bella grumbled, poking Alice’s thigh with her foot. “Also, I am not dark and broody. I do not brood. I have panic attacks. There’s a difference.”

“Potato tomato,” Alice huffed.

“That’s not the saying.”

“Then I’m making up a new one and it goes potato tomato,” Alice said, sticking her tongue out.

“You’re impossible,” Bella groaned.

“No, I’m Alice!” came the response through a flurry of giggles.

“I’m going inside,” Bella announced, standing up and brushing herself off.

“Wait, wait wait wait!” Alice yelped, scrambling to her feet and running in front of Bella’s path. “I’m sorry for teasing. Really. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Bella sighed and reached out to poke Alice’s shoulder.

“I’m not...actually upset,” she grumbled after a moment. “Mostly just embarrassed. Feeling a bit stupid. And a bit paranoid that if you noticed that other people noticed and not everyone is gonna be as understanding as you are, and I was really hoping to keep that whole thing under wraps.”

“I don’t think anyone else knows,” Alice said gently. “Everyone stares at us. We’re an attractive family.”

“Humble, too,” Bella chuckled. Alice rolled her eyes good-naturedly and let the comment slide.

“I only noticed because it’s my sister you keep ogling. You don’t stare that way at any of the other girls in school, I think, so you’re safe.”

Bella hummed softly to herself. Alice was right. A girlfriend was the last thing she was expecting to find in Forks, so she hadn’t really come to school with those thoughts in mind. None of the other girls had really caught her interest, but whether it was because Bella simply wasn’t looking at them or because her brain had latched onto Rosalie Hale the second it laid eyes on her was up in the air.

“I’m not asking Rosalie out,” Bella said eventually. Alice pouted and stomped her foot lightly.

“Why not!? You like her don’t you?” Alice asked, almost petulantly.

“Alice I don’t know her,” Bella said with a wry chuckle. “I just think she’s...pretty. And I look at her in the cafeteria sometimes. But I don’t even think she knows I exist.”

“Oh she knows,” Alice muttered under her breath. Bella blinked and raised an eyebrow.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Bella asked.

“Nothing,” Alice sighed. “But I really do think you would be a cute couple. You should try and talk to her! She might surprise you.”

“No offense but Rosalie has, like, an honest-to-god kill count at this school consisting of the people that have tried to talk to her,” Bella said dryly. “I think I’m content with just admiring her from afar. Eventually I’ll get over the dumb little crush and it’ll be fine.”

Alice scowled, which was equal parts hilarious and mildly concerning. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot as she thought something over, muttering something to herself so quietly Bella couldn’t make it out.

The bell rang and Bella sighed, picking her backpack up from the ground and getting ready to head back in.

“Would you like to come over for dinner this weekend?” Alice blurted out before they went back inside.

Bella paused and turned to face her, confusion lining her face.

“Isn’t your family super not cool about ‘outsiders’?” Bella asked pointedly. “That sounds like a bad idea. I’d rather not spend an evening getting interrogated by some dude who thinks I’m trying to steal his kids inheritance.”

“It’ll be fine,” Alice insisted. “I’ll talk to them. They won’t say anything weird to you, I swear.”

Bella sighed and looked at her phone. She really didn’t want to miss another class, and had a limited amount of time to resolve this. And while it had only been a couple weeks, she already knew how difficult it was to say no to Alice.

“I’ll think about it,” she eventually said.

“Good enough for me,” Alice said firmly. “Now let’s get to class. Text me, okay? I’m gonna tell my parents about you tonight and at least start the process of getting them warmed up to you so that when you eventually say yes it’ll be fine.”

“Who says I’m going to say yes?” Bella asked in exasperation as they re-entered the school.

“Please. Nobody says no to me,” Alice drawled before turning around and walking backwards away from Bella towards her own class. “You should know that by now, Bella!”

As Bella walked to her own class she rolled Alice’s offer over in her head, but all she could think of was the same question over and over again until she arrived home.

What on earth have I gotten myself into?

Chapter 4: Sun Killer, Sing Me To Sleep

Chapter Text

“Okay. Okay. That’s fine. This is fine. Just...let me get my bearings a little bit, yeah?”

“Of course, Bella. Take all the time you need.”

~

“Can you tell me what it’s like?”

“Hm? What is what like?”

“C’mon. You know…”

“Ah. Well…”

~

“But you said you saw me? Like that?”

“I did. I still do. It’s a bit vague, there’s quite a few decisions between then and now, but it’s still there.”

“And am I still…?”

“Still what?”

“...nevermind.”

~

“There has to be another option.”

“Not one that doesn’t put you in danger!”

“If I do this now I’m already in danger. Alice said it...it freezes you in time. I can’t be frozen like this!”

“What do you mean?”

“I...don’t want to talk about it. Just please drop it. We’ll figure something else out, Alice has to be able to figure something else out. I believe in her.”

~

“Jasper? Jasper!?”

~~~~~

Alice Cullen jerked out of the series of visions like she had just been shot in the head, her neck nearly cracking from the force with which she felt herself flung backwards. Groaning, she clutched her head and pressed her fingertips into her scalp, trying to depressurize her brain.

“Alice? Are you alright? What’s happening?” Edward’s voice from across the room was laced with concern as Alice felt another set of hands on her shoulders. Jasper knelt in front of her, squeezing her shoulders softly.

Slowly getting her bearings again, Alice remembered where she had been. She was discussing Bella coming over for dinner with her family, and all of them had been quite pleased with the idea. Except for one of them.

Alice herself had been quite chuffed that things were working out. After the day of Bella’s arrival and Edward’s...declaration, she had managed to convince her family to let her be the one to make first contact with Bella due to her visions. It would give her plenty of opportunity to try and change the flow of events before they got untenable. Before people got hurt.

But now, a series of rapid-fire visions later, she felt a pit in her stomach.

“I’m fine,” Alice muttered, pulling herself slowly to her feet with Jasper’s assistance. “Stop fussing.”

“Was it another vision of her? What did you see?” Edward asked, unable to conceal the eagerness from his voice. Alice sent a quick glance at her sister, who was sitting in an armchair with a book; seemingly determined to ignore the entire proceedings in front of her.

Jasper felt her flash of frustration and irritation and followed her eyes, shooting her a mildly puzzled look of his own. She ignored it, knowing he would simply ask later in private, and turned to Edward.

“It was. I couldn’t make out much. Her future is so...cloudy and muddy, it’s impossible to pick apart sometimes,” Alice grumbled, rubbing her temples.

Edward nodded, frowning.

“I wish I could see the visions,” he muttered to himself. “The fact that a human could present a gift strong enough to keep me out of your visions by proxy is...frustrating.”

Alice managed to keep the second flash of irritation away from coherent thoughts, but she couldn’t keep Jasper from picking up on it again. He placed a hand on the small of her back, a tiny gesture loaded with questions and concern.

She was grateful though and sent a quick thank you to whichever deity that was listening who gave her this small solace in being able to keep the true knowledge of the visions to herself. Although, she could remember being significantly less than thrilled the first time it happened…

~~~~~

Five years ago

~~~~~

“Alice? Alice. Alice!”

Where was she?

Oh. Yes. Of course. The house in Alaska.

Her surroundings slowly bled back into place around her as she realized she was currently sitting sideways in Jasper’s lap, one arm around her and one arm carefully cradling her head. She blinked a few times before nuzzling into him a little, sighing softly as she came back to herself.

“You haven’t had a vision like that in a long time,” Jasper said quietly.

Alice took a few moments to herself before pulling away from him, standing up and getting her bearings. Her entire family was gathered in the room, all looking at her with various concerned expressions. Edward was frowning, a look of utter puzzlement across his face.

Rosalie and Emmett were sitting on the same couch as Jasper, with a little distance between them to give Alice some space. Emmett stood up with Alice, reaching out and carefully ruffling her hair.

“You okay squirt?” he asked hesitantly.

“I think so!” Alice chirped, already starting to feel the grogginess of the vision draining from her. She smiled at him and the whole room seemed to sigh in relief as one, and the rest of her family took that as the signal to all stand up and approach her.

Esme wrapped her in a tight hug, mumbling to herself.

“Even though I’ve seen it before and I know it doesn’t really hurt you, it never gets easier seeing you like that.”

“I’m alright. Thank you for caring,” Alice whispered, affectionately bumping Esme’s shoulder with her head.

“What did you see?” Carlisle asked curiously. “Edward was unable to read you the entire time, a somewhat worrying development.”

“So that’s why he looks like that,” Alice chuckled, looking over at her brother, who still looked like he had just bit into a rotten carcass without knowing it. Confused, upset, and slightly angry.

“It was...distressing,” Edward said quietly, his voice strained and tight. “What did you see?”

“...I’m not quite sure?” Alice hedged, trying to fish around in her memory for the details of the vision. Intense, full-experience visions like what she’d just experienced were rare and she was used to the details being a little fuzzy at first while her brain sorted everything out behind the scenes, but this one was being particularly stubborn. “Are you sure you can’t read me?”

Edward faced her fully and squinted a little as he directed his efforts more purposely towards her. Alice closed her eyes and scrunched up her face in concentration as she tried to tug the memory of the vision into view.

She could identify the memory in her mind, which was usually enough for Edward to pick up on it if she purposely “shoved” it in front of him, even if she was having a bit of trouble recalling things herself, but he wasn’t saying anything.

“Edward?” she asked hesitantly after a few moments had passed with her holding the fuzzy memory as best as she could in her mind’s eye.

“Nothing!” he exclaimed, frustration lacing his voice. A loud crack indicated he had just punched something, and Alice winced slightly. “Carlisle, what is happening?”

“I’ve no idea,” their father murmured with fascination. Alice opened her eyes and turned to him, asking with her eyes the same question. “In the past the only way Alice’s visions have been blocked is by the person she’s trying to see constantly changing their mind, or operating with no particular choice in mind.”

“Yes but even then I was able to pick up something,” Edward pointed out. “It would be dull and lifeless, a black void of empty choices, but I could still see it.”

“Wait,” Alice said, turning to him. “That’s not what you’re already getting?”

“No!” Edward exclaimed in distress. “Attempting to read your memory of that vision is giving me the same results as attempting to read a brick wall.”

Rosalie snorted in amusem*nt, and Esme gave her a light smack on the upper arm. The rest of the family paid her no mind; her opinions on Edwards gift were well-known and they would have been more concerned if she hadn’t reacted at all.

Edward simply shot her a dirty look before turning back to Alice and Carlisle.

“What details can you remember, Alice? Anything at all?” Carlisle asked quietly.

“A girl,” Alice said haltingly, not used to having to untangle a vision herself without Edward’s help. Her visions gave her a lot of internal, intrinsic knowledge that she could act on, but the ability to communicate it to others was always difficult for her. She relied on Edward acting as an impartial third party to her visions, able to read and extrapolate them without being so ‘present’ and invested in them. “A new girl. She was with us.”

“What was her relation to us?” Carlisle asked. “Friend or foe? Temporary cohabitation, a visitor from another coven?”

“Friend. Definitely friend,” Alice said definitively. She had a powerful feeling in her chest about this girl, and knew her future self was quite attached to her. She did a quick internal scan of her own feelings and tried to compare them to her future self and gave a quick sigh of relief when she was able to identify her future feelings as platonic in nature. She did not need those complications right now.

“Good. That’s good,” Carlisle murmured.

“The details are harder for me to access than usual. Even considering the difficulty I’m going to have without Edward’s help,” Alice complained, lightly poking her own forehead in an attempt to jostle her own memory. “This is vexing.”

“Interesting. Edward is unable to perceive the vision, and you are struggling more than usual to identify it. Was there anything preceding the vision that stands out to you?” Carlisle asked.

Alice pondered for a moment.

“My head hurt more than usual,” she said with a shrug. “I just thought it was going to be a big one. Which it was. I think.”

Carlisle nodded and thought for a while, his lips turned downwards into a frown as he sank deep into his own mind. Edward matched his fathers expression as he mirrored his thoughts, and Alice knew he was trying to keep up with Carlisle’s thought process as he furthered his own.

“An interesting theory,” Edward murmured as a new, more curious expression dawned over his face.

“We won’t know for sure until we inevitably encounter her,” Carlisle said pointedly. “But it’s the most likely explanation.”

“Powerful though, if even its vague meta-presence in the future blocks me out,” Edward said thoughtfully. “We’ll have to tread carefully. I trust Alice’s assessment that this stranger is a friend to us in the future, but we’ve no idea what comes in between.”

“Indeed,” Carlisle said with a nod.

“Care to let the rest of us non-psychic plebeians in?” Rosalie drawled, clearly annoyed with the two men. Carlisle at least had the decency to look somewhat embarrassed and chastised, but Edward just scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“She’s a shield, whoever she is,” Edward said shortly. “A powerful one.”

The reactions throughout the room were mixed. Jasper frowned and stroked his chin in thought, looking disturbed by the information. Rosalie muttered something about how it was ‘about time’ that Edward met someone whose privacy he couldn’t invade, and Esme was still fussing a little over Alice. Emmett just looked a little lost, scratching the back of his head.

“A shield?” he asked. “So like...she has anti-Edward powers?”

Rosalie let out a bark of laughter at that.

“Most likely anti-psychic in general,” Edward said, curling his lip in irritation. “She doesn’t seem to entirely block Alice out, so perhaps her power has weaknesses and is more resistant to some gifts than others.”

Alice was deep in the memory now, sifting through the fuzzy blackness to try and find actionable ideas that she could put into words. Despite her family’s instant wariness, Alice knew in her gut they had nothing to fear from this girl.

“I think she’s more than a friend,” she stated hesitantly after a few more minutes of thinking, interrupting whatever discussion her family had fallen into while she thought. “I think...I think she’s a new family member.”

“Fascinating,” Carlisle said, his eyes gleaming with anticipation. “Is there an indication of how this happens? Someone new to our diet wanting support, or…?”

Alice shook her head.

“It’s muddled,” she said slowly. “All I’m really able to clearly identify are the feelings my future self had for her. They’re similar to my feelings towards Rose, which makes me think family.”

Jasper nodded. He had been standing by her as she sifted through herself, and felt the echoes of her future self’s feelings, albeit to a weaker degree than Alice herself had.

“I’d agree with that,” he said quietly, running a hand through her hair.

The conversation drifted after that. Alice was quiet for the rest of the day as she tried to sift through the vision further, trying different methods to grant Edward access multiple times throughout the day. Each ended in the same frustrations, but neither of them were ready to quit just yet. Eventually they resigned themselves to waiting for another vision about this mystery girl, hoping that it would either be clearer on Alice’s end or allow Edward in somehow.

~~~~~

Six months later

~~~~~

Alice burst into the house, having just returned from hunting.

“I’ve had another one!” she crowed triumphantly.

Quickly, her family was gathered around her, and she sought out Edward. She had a much more solid grasp on this vision than the previous one and tried once again to push it out to him, trying to peel back whatever layers of interference were laced through it.

At first she was hopeful as Edward’s deeply focused expression didn’t change for a few moments, but her heart sank as he once again confirmed he couldn’t read it with a light growl and a shake of his head.

“Drat,” Alice grumbled. “I can see this one better so I was really hoping that meant I could show you.”

“What did you see?” Jasper asked, a small smile on his face. He could clearly feel Alice’s excitement practically radiating off of her.

“She’s definitely our sister in the future,” Alice said with certainty. “This vision was still much hazier than my usual visions and was physically intense enough to completely knock me away from my dinner, but I got a bit more concrete stuff out of it. A few exchanges of words, and much stronger indications of feelings. I definitely called her my sister and she responded positively in kind.”

Carlisle nearly grinned, bringing his hands together with a pleased clap.

“I am always happy to see our family expand,” he said warmly.

“Is there still no indication of how she becomes our sister?” Edward asked.

“Does she like Mario Kart?” Emmett asked.

Edward raised his eyebrow at him. Emmett just shrugged.

“What? Alice is the only one who plays video games with me on a regular basis and she sucks.”

“I do not!” Alice yelped indignantly.

“Do too!”

“Do not!”

“Children,” Esme chided lightly.

Alice huffed and stuck her tongue out at Emmett before answering Edward.

“I didn’t get anything, no,” she said with a sigh. “But I do know I felt very comfortable with her, and I’m not sure I’d feel the same about someone from another coven wanting to try our diet. So I think she joins our family the...natural way.”

Rosalie scowled at that and crossed her arms.

“Now now Rosalie,” Carlisle said quietly. “We don’t know for sure just yet. Even if we are the ones to turn her, we don’t know the circ*mstances that led to it just yet. Perhaps there was no other option, as with Emmett.”

Emmett gave Rosalie a goofy grin and waved. It was enough to get her to melt a little, nodding in acknowledgment of Carlisle’s words and uncrossing her arms.

“I’ll reserve judgment for now,” she said.

“As will I,” Edward said, frowning in concern. “I’m never pleased with the idea of damning another soul, but seeing as we know nothing concrete yet I’ll stay my tongue.”

Rosalie opened her mouth as if to start an argument, but a look from Esme had her snapping her jaw shut.

“There are only so many reasons we would go out of our way to bring a human into our family,” Carlisle continued, looking between the two of them with a serious expression on his face. “We will treat this future prospective member, and the decision of her potential inclusion, with the respect she deserves.”

Nodding heads went around the room. Edward’s was slow and hesitant, and Rosalie simply scoffed lightly.

“Is there anything else about the vision you wish to share, Alice?” Carlisle asked.

“Nothing I can piece together myself for now,” Alice said with a petulant sigh.

“Keep us informed,” Carlisle said. Alice nodded, and the family dispersed.

Jasper came up from behind Alice and hugged her, resting his chin on top of her head. Alice grumbled and leaned back into him.

“I haven’t felt this much irritation from you in a while,” he chuckled idly. “This girl is really botherin’ you, ain’t she?”

“She isn’t frustrating me. On purpose, anyway,” Alice mumbled. “My visions are. Normally they’re a lot clearer than this, or at least I have Edward to look in from the outside and pick up things I miss or that I’m not able to properly put into words.”

“How about we go and get you a proper meal to take the edge off then?” Jasper offered. “Since your prior attempt was so rudely interrupted.”

“Okay,” Alice said, perking up a little and leaving the house to hunt with him. The distraction was welcome, and helped push the thoughts and frustrations about her visions away for a while. But only for a while.

Once again Alice and Edward obsessed for a few weeks over attempts to let him into the vision, and once again their efforts were ultimately futile. But throughout all their attempts, it at least produced one small bit of fruit; unlike the first vision, the continued focus on it over time actually cleared up a few new aspects to Alice. During the second week of attempts, Alice was able to tease one more verbal exchange from the vision that gave her the girls name.

“I know her name,” she said excitedly to Carlisle later that evening.

“Oh? Another vision?” he asked curiously.

“No. I managed to get another detail out of the prior one,” Alice said, giddy with excitement. “Carlisle, her name is Bella. Isn’t that lovely!?”

“Indeed,” Carlisle chuckled.

~~~~~

Two years later

~~~~~

Alice wasn’t in her own body at the moment; the hallmark of a vision that didn’t involve her, but rather involved another person or persons that she knew of. A change of perspective that always took a moment of adjusting.

She couldn’t see much. She felt the vague ping of excitement coming from her conscious self as she realized what this meant, alongside the throbbing headache she was currently receiving; this must be another vision about Bella.

Fuzzy words were sifting through the air like grains of sand, drifting through Alice’s perception. She couldn’t tell where the vision took place, but she knew it was wet. Very, very wet. It was raining.

The inky black silhouettes of the visions occupants bled into the background and the locale changed. Still shrouded in a void of knowledge, the blackness eventually shifted into the vague shapes of two women. Instinctually, Alice knew one of them must be Bella.

The shapes of the two woman swam and melded together, forming an incomprehensible mess of splattered ink, as the words they spoke to each other dribbled through the aether with glints of significance. Alice could only perceive a few of them.

Bella.

Something about ‘a long time’.

A laugh, soft and gentle.

Then it became completely incomprehensible again. Alice felt the vision slipping slowly away from her, but right as she was about to break back into reality, a single sentence rang out through the ocean of swirling shadows like a bright, radiant church bell heralding the dawn;

“Bella Cullen does have a lovely ring to it, I will say,” came the chuckling voice of someone dearly familiar to Alice.

She barely had time to process it before being flung out of the vision for good.

~

“Rosalie!” Alice blurted out as soon as she woke, scrambling to her feet and groaning as she clutched her head. Her vision swam slightly in front of her as she tried to get her bearings, and she stumbled slightly from the disorientation.

Within a few moments she heard the door to her room open. Even with her vision impaired she could tell it was Emmett, and she shook her head hard to try and clear her vision.

“Emmett do you know where Rose is?” Alice asked, rubbing her eyes fiercely. “I need to talk to her. It’s urgent.”

“She’s hunting,” Emmett said. “How urgent is urgent? Like, life-and-death urgent or like, one of the cars she really wants is going to be available for purchase for a really good price in the next thirty minutes and if she wants it she has to haul ass urgent?”

Alice blinked a few times.

“The second one,” she said after a moment. Emmett’s eyes widened.

“sh*t. We have to find her. She’ll kill us if we don’t tell her,” he groaned. “I’ll help. We’ll go into the hunting grounds then split up?”

“Yeah. Sure,” Alice said with a hurried nod. She and Emmett quickly left the house, earning an amused chuckle from Esme as they scrambled in the direction of their usual hunting grounds.

“Which car is it this time?” Esme called out to Alice as they ran.

“No time! Sorry!” Alice yelled behind her before breaking out into a full run, her small form streaking through the Alaskan wilderness with Emmett right behind her. They followed Rosalie’s distinctive scent trail before reaching the area of the woods she had clearly chosen to hunt in.

“You go left I go right?” Emmett asked.

“Sure,” Alice nodded.

They split up and started calling out Rosalie’s name. It only took a few moments to find her, with Emmett quickly directing her towards Alice as soon as he found her.

“Which one, how soon, and how expensive?” were the first words out of Rosalie’s mouth as Alice skidded to a halt in front of her. Alice took a quick look around the area for Emmett, who had thankfully left the area as soon as he did his brotherly duty.

“What?” Alice asked.

“The car, Alice,” Rosalie said with a wry smile. “Emmett said you had a vision and came out of it shouting for me. That usually means something to do with cars, because for some reason you refuse to believe I have any other hobbies worth looking into the future for deals on.”

“Oh. Right. No, it’s not a car,” Alice said, furrowing her brow.

“Then what is it?” Rosalie asked, frowning.

“...walk with me?” Alice said awkwardly, not really knowing what to do now that Rosalie was actually in front of her. Rosalie raised a single eyebrow but didn’t say anything as the two of them walked through the woods side by side in silence.

Alice loved her sister. Rosalie was her only sister. And Alice loved her very much.

Rosalie was the only member of the family Alice could really talk about fashion with. They shared a mutual appreciation for various cultures of it, the history and the volatile, fluid nature of it. They would shop together until the stores kicked them out, showing each other different articles of clothing and finding pieces each thought would suit the other.

They shared a love of classic literature, even if their particular tastes were wildly different.

Alice and Emmett were the only ones who took a real interest in Rosalie’s fascination with cars and auto technology, and would allow her to excitedly tell them about the newest car she was buying or looking at, or what she was doing in the garage that week.

Alice loved her sister.

Alice also found Rosalie incredibly infuriating and difficult to talk to on a good day.

It wasn’t something she held against her. It wasn’t that Rosalie was a bad person. But Rosalie was easily irritated by Alice and her more eccentric tendencies, especially when they had to do with her visions. Rosalie’s protectiveness over her privacy was intense, and while her true anger and resentment over having it violated was usually reserved for Edward, Alice had been on the receiving end of it enough times to develop a bit of a...strained relationship with her sister.

Rosalie was also the antithesis of Alice’s personality. Where Alice was bubbly and silly and energetic, Rosalie was stoic and serious and relaxed. Alice enjoyed long conversations that branched off in a thousand directions, and Rosalie enjoyed a mutual activity done in relative silence with maybe some casual conversation.

Alice wanted to know everything about the future. Rosalie begrudgingly put up with the concept because it was helpful, and in rare cases life-saving, for the family.

When they would spend time together doing the activities they enjoyed with each other, Alice would have to constantly police her mind and tongue to avoid speaking too much about her visions. It had taken decades to properly assess what degree of “psychic talk” Rosalie was willing to deal with.

If it was about harmless things that didn’t involve people directly, it was usually okay. Like telling Rosalie that in a week a vintage car she had been looking for would go on the market, or that the dress shop they both liked was having a big blowout sale in a month.

But even that was hard to do sometimes. Alice had once made the mistake of telling Rosalie that an author she was a particular fan of would be announcing a book next month, expecting Rosalie to be excited but was instead told she had ‘spoiled the surprise’.

“It wasn’t a vision about a car,” Alice started haltingly, feeling out the conversation. She could always talk to Rosalie about it another time if she was in another one of her moods.

“Okay,” Rosalie said patiently. “I guessed that part. Is this when you tell me what it was about?”

“I’m getting there,” Alice mumbled. “It was about...you. And your future. I, um. I think.”

“You think,” Rosalie said, her voice dry.

“...yes?” Alice said, cringing internally.

Rosalie sighed softly and shook her head a little.

“Alright Alice. What did you see?” she asked, her voice almost doing a perfect job of concealing the hollow and resigned notes buried within it.

“Well that’s the tricky part,” Alice said, biting her tongue a little and resisting the urge to babble. “Because it wasn’t just a vision about you and that meant I didn’t see a whole lot of anything.”

Rosalie was quiet for a moment.

“I’m not sure I want to hear the rest,” she commented, rolling her shoulders and looking up into the treeline. They were still walking side by side, with Rosalie’s hands clasped behind her back. “You know how I feel about that entire concept.”

“You don’t even know what I’m going to say,” Alice mumbled.

“I’m not slow, Alice,” Rosalie said wryly. “You can try and word-lawyer your way through the conversation all you like, but you’re going to get around to saying it eventually so you might as well just be blunt with it. You had a vision with me and that vision-blocking ‘future family member’ of ours didn’t you?”

Alice nodded mutely.

“With you and Bella, yes,” she said quietly.

“Right. Bella,” Rosalie said, the name rolling off her tongue like a bad piece of candy. She wrinkled her nose and sighed. “I was hoping since you hadn’t had a new vision in a year and a half that we wouldn’t have to crack that particular walnut, but it seems the universe has decided to let me down. Again.”

“Don’t be such a negative Nancy,” Alice grumbled, lightly bumping Rosalie with her shoulder. “I haven’t even told you what happened yet.”

“Nothing happened yet, Alice,” Rosalie said, bemused. “You saw a vague approximation of what could happen.”

“Same thing until the visions change,” Alice said stubbornly. “Unless a critical decision causes a pivot, my visions always happen Rosalie.”

“I don’t want to have another argument about free will with you,” Rosalie sighed. “What did you see?”

“You. Her. You were...close,” Alice said slowly, carefully.

“Close.”

“Mhm. Well, as best as I could tell anyway,” Alice hedged, scrunching her face up as she tried to pull the details out. “It was mostly silhouettes. In all honesty I only knew it was Bella because of the feeling the vision had. And the pounding headache. That was also a rather large indicator.”

“Of course,” Rosalie snorted in amusem*nt. “Can’t have Bella without a headache it seems.”

“That was rude,” Alice commented before moving forward. “I saw two figures being physically close. Not intimate, but comfortable. Cuddling, I think. That would be my guess. I took a guess that one was Bella based on the feel of the vision, but I didn’t know the other one was you until the very end.”

“What made you think it was me?” Rosalie asked curiously.

“I heard the other one speak,” Alice said after a beat. “It said ‘Bella Cullen does have a nice ring to it’. In your voice. You sounded very...smitten.”

“Hm,” Rosalie hummed.

The two continued walking in silence for several minutes before Rosalie spoke again.

“But you didn’t see me?” she asked.

Alice frowned. She knew where this was headed.

“I know what your voice sounds like Rose,” she said firmly.

“But you didn’t see my face. Or any other identifying futures, just a silhouette?” Rosalie pressed.

“Ugh, I knew you were going to do this! You’re so difficult! No, I didn’t see you,” Alice grumbled, stamping her foot lightly. “But do you really think I don’t know what my own sisters voice sounds like?”

“Maybe it was just someone who sounded like me,” Rosalie said with a light shrug. “And it was only one sentence. Perhaps you were mistaken. Or, since you believe she’s going to become part of our family, you’re biased. Maybe the other figure is a second new family member that has a similar voice to myself.”

“This is a new level of pedantry Rosalie,” Alice said, exasperation full in her voice. “I heard you.”

“I believe that you believe that you heard me,” Rosalie said pointedly, looking at Alice with narrowed eyes. “But if that’s all you have to go on, I’m not going to overly fuss about it. So unless you have something else to say, I’d like to go back to hunting now.”

As Rosalie turned to walk away, Alice grumbled and stamped her foot again, calling out to her retreating back.

“She could be your mate Rosalie! Don’t you want to meet her!?”

Rosalie paused and stood still for a moment before looking partially over her shoulder back at Alice.

“C’mon, Alice. You know I don’t believe in that,” Rosalie said, her voice carefully neutral. “I’m happy for you and Jasper, and for Carlisle and Esme. Believe me. And when Emmett and Edward meet their partners down the line and decide they’re mated, I’ll be happy for them too. But all that stuff Carlisle spouts about a ‘sacred bond’, all that red string of fate stuff? I don’t buy it. You know I don’t buy it.”

“But…” Alice said. Rosalie interrupted her.

“Our emotions are heightened from when we were humans,” Rosalie pressed on. “Carlisle himself admits that the combination of being ‘frozen’ as a certain version of ourselves and the general heightening of sensitivities to a large factor above humans creates volatile and strong emotions.”

“That’s not - “

“You’re just in love, Alice. So is Carlisle. That’s great. Love is a beautiful thing,” Rosalie said, a wan smile on her face. “But it’s not something that fate, or destiny, or some preordained vampire crap had any hand in. It’s just love.”

Alice sputtered slightly. She’d had this debate with Rosalie before. Her and Jasper, Carlisle and Esme, both mated pairs of their coven had spoken about their experiences with the bond at length. But Rosalie refused to accept it, insisted that what they were experiencing was just love intensified by the same thing that enhanced their senses.

“Even if that’s true,” Alice eventually said, pushing aside her desire to argue the point, “my vision clearly had a great deal of that love in it. Why push that away?”

Rosalie didn’t reply at first, just put a hand on a tree and leaned gently against it. When she did reply, it was so quiet that Alice nearly didn’t hear her. She didn’t even have time to reply, as Rosalie had vanished in a near-instant right after speaking.

“Because I know myself, Alice. That wasn’t me you heard. It couldn’t have been.”

“Because I would never have that.”

~~~~~

Three months later

~~~~~

Alice had stopped talking about the visions.

She attempted to corner Rosalie twice more about them, but both times she was dodged and avoided. She tried to force a vision to see if there was a conversation path that would lead to Rosalie listening to her, but no matter what she tried it all ended in Rosalie blowing her off at best; and a confrontation that would splinter the entire family at worst.

That particular vision had caused a full-body shudder and a feeling of dread so deep Jasper wouldn’t leave her side for the next two hours, constantly sending her gently cheering feelings. Alice tried to cheat the rules that had seemingly been set out for her by trying to force more visions of Rosalie with Bella, but it felt like running mentally into a brick wall each time she tried it.

This led Alice to three possible conclusions.

Conclusion One; Alice simply was unable to, herself, come up with the correct arrangement of things to say in order to get Rosalie to listen to her. There could be a theoretical pathway to achieve this, but Alice’s visions relied entirely on showing her the outcomes of intentions and decisions; it couldn’t tell her what decision to make, only what would happen if she made a specific decision she already had in mind and would be capable of. If she simply did not know what to do, her visions would be of no help.

Conclusion Two; There was nothing Alice could say to sway Rosalie into listening to her, and she would simply have to wait and see where the chips fell and reassess then. If Rosalie was going to be as smitten with Bella as Alice had heard in her vision, surely her current mindset and opinions would change upon Bella actually entering the picture, whenever that would be. This wasn’t particularly appealing to Alice, who preferred being able to do things.

But she would much rather have that be the case than her third conclusion, which was that Rosalie was right and Alice didn’t, in fact, hear her voice and instead heard someone else. This was a far more existentially terrifying outcome for Alice, who felt it deep within her that it was definitely Rosalie’s voice that she heard and if she was wrong, it would shake the very foundation of Alice’s being.

While her visions could change based on the decisions people made in the moment, they were always reliable at predicting the outcome of a specific decision. A vision wouldn’t show her two different outcomes from a single set of circ*mstances and decisions. To have that knowledge be uprooted, to have the certainty and faith Alice had put into her visions for her entire life taken away from her?

There wasn’t much that truly scared Alice Cullen, but the concept of her visions being fallible in that manner certainly scared her.

The worst part is that she had absolutely no idea what to do. She certainly couldn’t talk to any of her family about it, because Rosalie would probably take her head off for putting the idea in their heads and shoving her into the spotlight. She debated going solely to Carlisle over it, because she could certainly trust him to keep a secret, but she also couldn’t guarantee that Carlisle wouldn’t get his own ideas and alienate Rosalie on his own.

Forcing visions wasn’t much help. There was too much uncertainty about what exactly Carlisle would do if put in that position, whether he would keep her secret or take matters into his own hands. The vague visions Alice was able to glean that pertained to what would happen if he did keep her secret didn’t seem to actually help much besides give her someone else to be conflicted with, and she wasn’t quite sure that was worth betraying Rosalie’s trust.

Rosalie may not have explicitly asked her to not talk about it, but Alice knew her sister enough to know that it was implied. There was a reason she had sought her out for a private conversation rather than announce the vision in front of the whole family.

So for now she waited. She kept trying to force visions about Rosalie and Bella, tried to get something a bit more concrete she could bring to Rosalie, but everything she tried just resulted in a pounding headache and nothing to show for it.

Months after her conversation with Rosalie, Alice was resigned.

All she could do was wait; either for another vision, or for Bella herself.

~~~~~

In the time between Alice’s vision of Bella and Rosalie, and Bella’s arrival in Forks, she had four more visions about her. They grew clearer and clearer each time, but still remained irritatingly vague. And to add even more frustration, she didn’t even get any new visions about Bella and Rosalie.

The first vision had been brief, and shockingly small. Alice had been braiding Bella’s hair, the strands flowing like little rivers of ink through Alice’s fingers. She was able to perceive her own presence in the vision a bit better than before, but Bella’s figure was still a flowing black silhouette.

The second vision had been extremely murky and was the hardest to decipher yet, but Alice actually had a reasonable idea why for once. Based on what little she was able to glean, it took place far in the future. All she was able to gather from the vision had been some vague emotions her future self had been feeling, but noticeably lacking from them was the giddy excitement that Alice’s future self had carried towards Bella. It had been replaced with a much more subtle, but exponentially more powerful, feeling of comfort and familiarity; a strong indicator that Bella would be part of their family for many years to come.

The third vision was longer, the biggest one that Alice was able to actually interpret. It had been herself, Bella, and Carlisle on a hunt. Alice’s nerves had been electric in the vision, and when she was going back over it she realized it must have been one of Bella’s first hunts as a newborn. It was still shrouded in shadow, particularly around Bella herself, but Alice could see the tell-tale signs of newborn ferality in the way the shadows moved.

The fourth and fifth visions were harder for Alice to piece together. Not because they were murky and vague like before, but because they were...confusing.

The fourth vision was violent. Spiking adrenaline, pain and fear searing through Alice’s body. Violence was an inevitable part of life for vampires, and Alice shuddered with dread at the thought of her family suffering from it again. Bella was there, though, and it was so strange. The way the shadows curled around her form, obscuring Alice’s vision, seemed to be growing more...sentient as the visions progressed. Alice got the distinct feeling in this fourth vision that the shadows were almost...laughing at her.

She didn’t pay it much mind until the fifth vision came.

~~~~~

The day of Bella Swan’s arrival in Forks, Washington

~~~~~

It was dark, which Alice had begun to simply accept as normal when it came to visions featuring her future sister. By the time the fourth vision came a few months ago, Alice had spent enough time with her future self’s emotions towards Bella that they were fully bleeding into her present. To Alice, Bella was already family; already a sister, a loved one. She was growing impatient to meet her in real time, to experience her presence and her aura in a greater manner than a hazy vision.

At first the darkness and curling shadows of the vision had given Alice a brief flicker of joy and excitement. Visions of Bella were sparing, and she always looked forward to the next one. Always with a bit of hope that she would gain a bit more information about the exact nature of her joining with the family, but mostly with a feeling of strange nostalgia; not unlike greeting an old friend one hasn’t seen in years.

Her future self was speaking to Bella. Alice couldn’t quite make out the words, but the conversation was strained and tense. There was a strange hesitancy to her future self's actions, she kept herself physically separated from Bella’s shadowy form and only offered occasional, small touches. Actions that didn’t quite fit with how Alice acted normally; quite willing to full-body tackle her various family members with affection.

It was almost as if she was afraid she would break Bella with a touch.

She would realize a few days after the vision that she was afraid of that because it very much was a possibility. The vision took place when Bella was still human.

Partway through the conversation, the shadows swirling around Bella began to ripple. Bella’s figure didn’t react. Neither did Alice’s future self. Whatever she was seeing was in her vision, and in her vision alone.

The shadows ripple and start to melt like hot wax, until the scenery around the vision is crystal-clear. It is the back woods of the house in Forks, a place Alice recognizes. It’s a clearing, with moonlight streaming through the canopy of the trees.

At first Alice feels a muted joy in the recognition; the little self-awareness she retained in her visions brimming with excitement. They had just returned to Forks last year, which meant they would be seeing Bella soon. She couldn’t wait to tell Carlisle.

But those thoughts were quickly chased away by the realization of what the shadows had melted into, as her focus drifted away from what they had melted off of.

Thick like molasses, they were now draped and slowly oozing around Bella’s figure. She was sat down in the clearing with one knee up, an elbow propped on it as she stared at Alice’s future self. The shadowy muck obscured her face.

It didn’t even have a reflection.

No moonlight shone off it, it simply sucked it all in like the event horizon of a black hole.

It was this part of the vision that Alice would dread; the part that kept her from revisiting it.

The shadows looked at her.

In a moment, Alice felt the ‘self’ of her in the vision separate from the ‘self’ of her future. It was like she was a ghost; overlaid on top of her future self, who kept talking with Bella. The conversation clearly wasn’t going well if her body language was any indication, but vision-Alice could barely pay attention as she found her eyes unable to move from the shadows.

They were looking at her.

Looking. At her.

She didn’t know what to think, what to do. Could she even do anything? This was a vision, she wasn’t actually here, she was in her room in the house. Wasn’t she?

The shadows kept looking at her.

She couldn’t move. She was locked into her future self's motions, and her future self was standing still as she spoke with Bella. Alice felt a surge of fear pulse through her, not her future, and she found herself wishing powerfully for her future self to turn around and walk away from whatever the thing in front of her was.

The shadows kept looking at her.

And then Bella stood up.

Her figure was obscured, not by shadow, but by a blurry haze of reality. She walked up to Alice’s future self and gently rested her forehead against Alice’s shoulder, and then the two walked away. Left the woods.

But Alice didn’t go with them.

She was left in the woods with it.

The shadows.

It was still sat on the ground in the same position Bella had held. Knee co*cked, with an arm resting on it.

It had no face. No eyes, no mouth, no features. It did not speak or move.

But Alice knew, beyond any doubt, that it was still. Looking. At her.

Suddenly she could speak.

“What do you want?” she whispered.

The shadows said nothing at all.

“What do you want!?” she repeated, managing to get her voice a bit louder this time.

Again there was nothing.

Alice was about to speak again when the shadows slowly began to move. A hand lifted up, and moved to the back of its head, threading its fingers through its ‘hair’. It closed its hand in a grip and began to pull.

Alice couldn’t speak.

She tried to pull her eyes away, but couldn’t. She couldn’t end the vision. She couldn’t wake up.

Alice Cullen had no memories of her human life and thus did not know what it truly was to dream, but she had read books, and she knew enough to know that whatever was happening right now was the closest thing she would ever experience to a true nightmare.

The shadows continued to pull until pieces of itself began to split away, peeling layer after layer of itself off, anchored by the flowing locks of shadowed ‘hair’. It pulled straight down its middle, until a shadowy approximation of a scalp was held in its clenched fist.

The woods began to disintegrate slowly around her, as if they were a smoldering painting being consumed by embers. The edges of reality burned around her, creeping closer and closer to her feet, threatening to plunge her into an empty void with it.

She was frozen to the spot.

Right as the last vestige of grass burnt away under her feet, she heard a single whisper.

“And we shall breathe rhapsody, the howling and gnashing teeth of the true Sons of Caine. Truth-seer, path-weaver, realm-breaker; bring the girl to the Fisher King’s tomb and set us free.”

And then she woke.

~~~

Carlisle was the first to know. She pulled him into his study, the only room in the house that was soundproofed to the point of even vampires being unable to hear within it as long as the occupants spoke quietly, and spilled everything she could remember.

He listened to her with a pensive look on his face, not saying a single thing until she had concluded. She had revealed the other four visions to the rest of the family, and while she was certainly the most excited, all of them were anticipating Bella’s arrival into their life by now in some form or another. But now Alice wasn’t sure what to do.

“And this has never happened with a vision before?” Carlisle asked softly after she had finished speaking.

“Never,” Alice said firmly. “I’m barely even self-aware in my visions. Even when they don’t involve my own presence, it’s not like I’m standing there in the corner watching something happen in the future. I see a series of events play out with a limited, muted sense of my own feelings and reactions, and I’m only able to understand most of them when I go back and look over them with Edward. But with this one, it’s like I was...I was…”

“Present in some form. Spiritually, mentally…” Carlisle murmured.

“Exactly. And that thing…”

Carlisle nodded, frowning deeply.

They were silent for a long while.

“Do you believe this changes anything about Bella herself?” Carlisle eventually asked. Alice shook her head.

“Whatever is going to happen with Bella and our family is going to happen regardless,” she said confidently. “She’s going to be here, in Forks. And I don’t quite believe that Bella herself is in any way meant to bring us harm, whatever this...this entity that hijacked my vision is, it wants Bella, but Bella herself isn’t a threat.”

Carlisle nodded.

“My own thoughts exactly,” he concurred. “Those words it used, I’m not...entirely sure, but I believe I’ve heard them before. I’ll need to do some reading and possibly make...several phone calls before I’m able to say anything with confidence.”

“What should I tell everyone else?” Alice asked.

Carlisle sighed.

“I don’t want anyone to unduly worry,” he mused, his voice low and thoughtful. “Let me do some research. I’ll decide whether or not to inform them in due time, and take responsibility for the concealment of this aspect of the vision.”

Alice didn’t like the idea of keeping her family in the dark, but she bit her tongue and nodded.

“You say that Bella will arrive soon?” Carlisle inquired.

“Very soon, I would think,” Alice nodded thoughtfully. “We try to not stay in a single place for more than a few consecutive years, so it must be soon if I saw her in the woods behind this house.”

Then, as if the universe itself had a sense of humor, there was a knock on the door of Carlisle's study. He stood and opened the door.

Edward stumbled in, and immediately Alice could tell something was off. His pupils were dilated heavily and he was trembling, and she could see a drop of venom that had dripped down past his lips.

“Edward!?” she exclaimed, rushing over to him in concern. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

“She’s here,” Edward whispered, his voice a mixture of shock and excitement. “It must be her. She’s here.”

“What?” Alice asked, blinking in confusion.

“Bella,” Edward said with a short, giddy laugh that was quite unlike him. “She’s arrived. And I think I know how she comes to join our family.”

“What do you mean?” Carlisle asked.

“She’s my mate,” Edward whispered, pushing a hand through his hair and beginning to pace around the room. “I’ve never smelled a human like her before. I was drawn to her immediately, I wanted to...to sink into her flesh, to claim her...that must be, it must be how Alice’s visions come to be.”

“Incredible,” Carlisle whispered, smiling softly.

Alice, meanwhile, was locked in place, her mind whirling.

That couldn’t be right.

That wasn’t what she saw.

Edward hadn’t even been in any of the visions with Bella.

“I understand now, what you mean when you speak of the pull,” Edward said to Carlisle. “It’s so strong.”

“I’m so happy for you,” Carlisle said, reaching out and squeezing Edward’s shoulder.

That wasn’t right.

Edward turned towards Alice, a curious expression on his face. She quickly locked down her thoughts, standing up straight and putting on a smile.

“I’m happy for you too, Ed,” she said quietly. Turning to Carlisle, she continued. “I’m going to go find Rosalie, I’ve been meaning to get her opinion on some new dresses. Talk more later?”

“Yes, yes,” Carlisle said, nodding idly before turning back to Edward.

Alice made her leave as quickly as possible, closing the study door behind her and making her way to Rosalie’s bedroom. She needed to have an important talk with her sister.

~~~~~

Present Day

~~~~~

“The fact that a human could present a gift strong enough to keep me out of your visions by proxy is...frustrating.”

“I think it’s hilarious that your mate is the one person who can keep you out of their head,” Emmett laughed.

Edward grumbled at that before turning back to Alice, who had to stop sending subtle glares at Rosalie.

“What did you see?” he asked.

Ever since meeting Bella in person, the visions featuring her had gotten startlingly clear. They were still fragmented and disjointed, and often very hazy, but they were no longer completely shrouded in darkness and shadow. Alice could now pick the words she heard in her visions out a lot easier, and sometimes she could even see hints of Bella’s features.

Still though, it was frustrating that Bella’s gift seemed so determined to keep her out. This would all be much easier if Alice could just see her more clearly.

“It was flashes of moments and snippets of conversation,” Alice said with a sigh. “I think it was about her learning about us. Our nature.”

Edward’s eyes flashed, and the rest of the family leaned in. Even Rosalie was paying attention, seemingly despite herself.

“She took it well. I think,” Alice said with a frown. “I still get the sense that the visions of her becoming one of us are solidly in place, so, I’m not surprised.”

“That’s good to hear,” Carlisle said happily.

“Mhm,” Alice said with a nod. She then turned to Jasper. “I’m hungry after that. Hunt with me?”

“Always,” Jasper said with an easy smile.

Once they were far enough away from the house, Alice let her thoughts wander a bit more freely. She could tell Jasper wanted to ask her questions, but he didn’t speak a word as they took down a large elk together.

As she fed she couldn’t help but go back again and again to one of the brief snippets in her newest vision. For the first time in years, Alice had finally gotten the confirmation she had been looking for.

“There has to be another option.”

“Not one that doesn’t put you in danger!”

“If I do this now I’m already in danger. Alice said it...it freezes you in time. I can’t be frozen like this!”

“What do you mean?”

“I...don’t want to talk about it. Just please drop it. We’ll figure something else out, Alice has to be able to figure something else out. I believe in her.”

One voice was definitely Bella. Alice had heard it before in visions, but since meeting her in the flesh everything about her had become so much more tangible in her visions as well. Her voice more than anything, as her physical features and appearance were still very blurred and smeared in visions.

But the other voice confirmed something that Alice, to some degree, had already known and kept secret since then.

It confirmed to her that Edward was either lying or mistaken, and she knew that neither option would spare her family from the inevitable pain of the events they would incite.

The other voice was attached to a more visible person this time. One with long, blonde hair and a powerful, incandescent beauty. A voice Alice had heard once before in a vision with Bella years ago, one that she knew in her gut she would hear again.

One that left Alice feeling completely and utterly powerless to change the strife she knew was ahead of them all.

“...Alright. I’ll let it rest for now.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m sorry for being pushy. It’s...not like me. I’m just...scared. You know it’s just because I care about you quite significantly, right?”

“I know. I also know it was hard for you to admit that. I appreciate it, really. I care about you too.”

“Good. As long as you know. And yes, it was quite difficult, thank you for noticing that.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“I am not. It just took quite a significant amount of effort and nonsense for us to get here, and I’m not keen on seeing it all wasted.”

“...yeah. Neither am I.”

“We’ll figure it all out. Together.”

“...Together. I like the sound of that.”

…

“Thanks, Rosalie.”

Chapter 5: What Am I Doing Here, And Why Am I Like This? (I'm Doing My Best To Stay Calm In Crisis)

Chapter Text

Bella managed to dodge Alice’s dinner invite for a grand total of two weekends, but in the second-to-last week of November as the winter chill began to set in, she finally ran out of reasons to put it off and agreed. The final straw was when Charlie had asked her if she had any plans that weekend, and when Bella had told him that Alice Cullen had invited her to dinner a few weeks ago but she wasn’t sure whether or not she would go, he looked at her with that Concerned Dad Face and asked why not.

She couldn’t come up with a good answer that didn’t make her feel bad, and when she replied with ‘I don’t know’, Charlie just gave her a small huff.

“You know, you can’t make friends if you don’t put yourself out there a little bit. Me ‘n Billy didn’t become lifelong friends because we would chat a little bit here and there.”

Bella was reminded of her therapist and was suddenly assaulted on two fronts. Charlie’s slight frown in front of her face, and the unamused, disappointed expression of her therapist in her mind’s eye both told her quite definitively that dodging Alice’s invitation was decidedly not ‘giving Forks a real chance’. She looked at Charlie and very begrudgingly conceded that he had a point, and texted Alice while she was cooking dinner for her and Charlie.

~~~

Bella [4:54 p.m.]: Okay. I’ll come. What time?

Alice [4:54 p.m.]: Excellent! I knew you’d come around. Anytime after six is good! :)

Bella [4:56 p.m.]: How do you always reply to me right after I message you? It’s like you know I’m going to text you.

Alice [4:56 p.m.]: Because I do. I have a secret. I can actually see the future. I know exactly when you’re going to text me every time.

Bella [5:00 p.m.]: LOL okay sure. Pull the other one it has bells. You’re definitely not just sitting by your phone waiting for my text like some kind of human-puppy hybrid :P

Alice [5:00 p.m.]: >:O Bella!!! I wouldn’t lie to you! And hey! I’m not that desperate.

Alice [5:00 p.m.]: Am I?

Bella [5:02 p.m.]: lol I’m just messing with you. It’s actually kinda nice having someone be this excited to talk to you. And okay little miss fortune teller, if you’re not lying to me, what’s the weather going to be like when I come over for dinner?

Alice [5:02 p.m.]: I am very excited to talk to you! You’re a delight to conversate with. And my crystal ball says it will be bright and sunny!

Bella [5:05 p.m.]: Aw, thanks Alice. And ooooh, so I’ll get to actually see you in the sunlight for once? We’ve been friends for like a month and I don’t think I’ve actually seen a single ray of sunlight touch your skin. You must be like, severely Vitamin D deficient.

Alice [5:05 p.m.]: I get a perfectly satisfactory amount of sunlight thank you very much! Our father just likes taking us camping and hiking when the weather is good, since we don’t get much good weather in Washington.

Bella [5:10 p.m.]: Is that why you missed school on the, like, three days of sun we actually had??? Your dad just pulled you out for the day?

Alice [5:10 p.m.]: Yup! There’s a few hiking trails nearby that we’re partial to. Maybe I’ll take you with us someday :)

Alice [5:10 p.m.]: Or maybe Rosalie will invite you ;P

Bella [5:14 p.m.]: Does your sister know you’re flirting with me for her?

Alice [5:14 p.m.]: She does not, no.

Bella [5:14 p.m.]: Uh huh. And do we think she would approve?

Alice [5:14 p.m.]: She would not, no.

Bella [5:20 p.m.]: ….soooooo…

Alice [5:20 p.m.]: I am not stopping :)

Bella [5:23 p.m.]: Worth a shot lol. Can you at least refrain from doing this when I’m over? I’d like to retain my ability to speak when I meet your family.

Alice [5:23 p.m.]: Oh I won’t make a peep about it. But not because you asked.

Bella [5:25 p.m.]: It’s because you’re afraid of Rosalie isn’t it?

Alice [5:25 p.m.]: It is because I am afraid of Rosalie yes.

Alice [5:25 p.m.]: The worst you’ll do is stop talking to me for the day if I tease you too much. Rosalie might actually hit me.

Alice [5:25 p.m.]: Or she might set my closet on fire.

Bella [5:31 p.m.]: The horror.

Alice [5:31 p.m.]: I can hear the sarcasm in your text!!!! It WOULD be horrifying actually do you have ANY idea how many one-of-a-kind pieces of clothing I own??

Bella [5:45 p.m.]: I’m going to guess it’s a bit north of “way too many for one person to reasonably own”.

Alice [5:45 p.m.]: I am going to ignore that comment and pretend you gave a real guess. For your information the current number sits at one-hundred and thirty seven.

Bella [6:02 p.m.]: Alice?

Alice [6:02 p.m.]: Yes?

Bella [6:02 p.m.]: That is so far north of way too many that I think you’re in the Arctic of owning clothes. Actually I think you might have looped all the way around. Somehow.

Alice [6:02 p.m.]: I do not have to take this abuse from somebody who seems to think the peak of fashion is a ratty t-shirt and jeans! I am going to ignore you for the rest of the night! >:(

Bella [6:05 p.m.]: LMAO. I have homework to do anyway. I’ll see you tomorrow at school, weirdo.

Alice [6:05 p.m.]: See you tomorrow!!

Bella [6:05 p.m.]: What happened to ignoring me? :P

Alice [6:05 p.m.]: Oh, right. You didn’t see that.

Bella [6:07 p.m.]: Uh huh. G’night Alice.

(Read at 6:07 p.m.)

Bella waited for a few moments then chuckled, setting her phone down and pulling her math homework out.

As she fiddled with her pencil and wrote things down, occasionally referencing her textbook, her mind wandered and flitted from thought to thought. She thought about school and how things had been going so far, about Angela and her group of friends that Bella was slowly somewhat-integrating into.

It was strange.

Angela was nice enough, she supposed. A bit reserved, and a bit too tolerant. When Jessica would act particularly nosy or the boys would get particularly bold with their rather sad attempts at flirting, she’d rarely verbally reprimand them and at most would send them a glare. She seemed to prefer just sending apologetic looks at Bella, as if she were embarrassed to be in such company but not quite enough to actually do anything about it.

Jessica wasn’t...awful. Once she had realized that Bella was about as interesting as a slightly damp paper towel she almost completely stopped engaging with her, and Bella’s interactions with her at lunch were mostly limited to listening to her spout off about whatever the latest ‘hot gossip’ was.

She wasn’t particularly mean spirited. Just far too nosy for Bella’s tastes. But she would occasionally give Bella a compliment on her hair or ask her opinion on a song Jessica had been listening to, and even made sure to let Bella know explicitly that the next time the group of friends went to the beach she was invited.

The boys were, well, boys. Teenage boys. Bella had learned a long while ago that most teenage boys seemed to operate on, if not the exact same wavelength, ones that were very close neighbors. They made little effort to hide the fact that they found her attractive and would occasionally ask shockingly invasive questions that would earn them a glare from Angela and usually a verbal reprimand from Lauren.

But it all seemed to stem from the typical bullheadedness and lack of emotional awareness that all teenage boys Bella had ever met had been infected with and wasn’t meant with malice, so Bella let it slide.

And then there was Lauren.

Lauren, most of the time, was nice. She wasn’t as nosy as Jessica, or as invasive with her questions as the boys. She directly spoke to Bella more often than the other three, and more than once Bella had found herself in an entirely separate conversation with her as Angela, Jessica, and the boys were involved in their own argument.

She liked fashion and makeup and all the typical things one would expect of a teenage girl, but Bella had been pleasantly surprised when the topic of music came up and Lauren happily shared her love of Metallica, citing ‘One’ as ‘the pinnacle of rock music’.

At first, after Bella had gotten used to Lauren’s particularly harsh and blunt way of speaking, and her complete lack of shame in being quite verbal about her thoughts of the various students she found herself surrounded with, she had struck up an odd rapport with the girl.

And then just yesterday, Lauren had described one of the teacher’s outfits that day as ‘kind of dyke-y’ with an exaggerated gag and a stuck-out tongue, causing the bottom to fall out of Bella’s stomach. The table had responded along a spectrum.

Angela had immediately frowned and snapped “Lauren!” at her, which was only met with a roll of the eyes and had zero follow-up.

Jessica gave a little awkward sigh and said “You know you really shouldn’t say that, Lauren…”, to which Lauren gave the response of; “I’m not saying anything mean I’m just saying her outfit makes her look like a massive lesbo. She was wearing a flannel.”

The boys just looked uncomfortable and said nothing.

The conversation had quickly moved on past that, but Bella had excused herself to go to the bathroom, where she once again had an episode of anxiety that caused her stomach to upturn the lunch she had just finished putting inside of it.

It left her feeling wrong for the entire rest of the day. She felt a little better today, but lunch with them felt excruciatingly awkward. Nobody mentioned it, and nobody seemed to even act different except Bella, who was much quieter and less engaged than usual. The only ones to even notice that Bella seemed a little off were Angela and Lauren herself, which was one of the strangest things Bella had experienced in her life.

Lauren had sat next to her and, after a few moments of texting on her phone, shot Bella a sideways glance. She then frowned, put her phone away, and propped herself up on her elbows, looking sideways at Bella.

“You okay?” she had asked.

Bella had no idea what to say.

Lauren certainly sounded like she genuinely wanted to know. The frown on her face wasn’t one of displeasure with Bella, but one of mild concern.

“Did one of the idiots try one of their pathetic attempts at flirting again?” she asked firmly, narrowing her eyes at Tyler and Mike, who both held their hands up in mock surrender, proclaiming they hadn’t said anything to Bella all day and hey we aren’t pathetic!

“No, they’re fine,” Bella said quietly.

“Okay,” Lauren said after a moment. “I know you like, just got here and stuff. And we don’t know each other, really. But just so you know, if you’re having a bad day or whatever and you need someone to bitch with, I’m pretty good at it.”

“...mmkay,” Bella said, nodding.

Lauren returned the nod and then took her phone back out.

The interaction had been on her mind for the entire rest of the day, and even as she finished up her homework and laid back in bed, she still didn’t quite know what to make of it. Would Lauren make the same offer if she knew Bella herself was one of those ‘lesbos’? Probably not.

Bella felt a faint hum of hope that maybe Lauren just didn’t really know any better, didn’t know how insensitive she was. Maybe if Bella talked to her about it, she’d get it and things would be okay, and then Bella could maybe have a third actual friend without feeling all conflicted and weird about it.

But she quickly stamped out that hope.

She remembered the last time she hoped like that.

It was a lesson well learnt, and a mistake she wouldn’t be repeating.

~~~

Bella had lunch with Alice the next day, who could tell that something was off about her, and unlike Lauren, Bella was having a much harder time keeping her out. She tried pulling Bella out of her shell with a bit of lighthearted teasing and then when that didn’t work, sat directly across from her on the ground and bluntly asked what was wrong.

“It’s nothing,” Bella muttered, picking at a blade of grass.

“Bella,” Alice said patiently, kneeling down and tucking her skirt underneath her knees. “It’s quite clear something is bothering you. I’ll respect it if you don’t want to talk about it, but I’d ask you not to lie to me. Please.”

Bella was quiet for a few moments. Alice waited, simply staying knelt in front of her with her hands clasped in her lap. Turning her head, Bella looked at Alice’s fingernails, upon which she had painted an intricate design with her nail polish that day.

She spent several minutes following the little lines and swirls with her eyes before speaking again, her voice so soft it was almost carried away by the breeze.

“Sometimes I wonder if I’m ever going to be safe,” she said, pulling her knees up a little and wrapping her arms around them. “It’s not like I planned to have some massive coming-out moment at school or whatever and honestly I’d be happy graduating with everyone here still thinking I’m straight and just can’t get a boyfriend.”

“What happened?” Alice asked softly.

“Eh. Nothing I haven’t dealt with before,” Bella sighed. “Lauren called one of the teachers a dyke because she was wearing a flannel. Not like, even in a super derogatory way. Like, she didn’t say it in a ‘burn the gays’ way but in a ‘not around my kids’ way, you know what I mean? But like, she’s also one of the only people in this school who seems to actually give a sh*t about me so far and I feel sh*tty and conflicted and can’t help but wonder if she’d treat me the same if she knew. Like, is she actually hom*ophobic or is she just ignorant? Is this my responsibility to deal with or should I just ride it out and ignore it? Am I a bad friend if I don’t give her a chance to be a better person or should I just focus on protecting myself?”

Bella stopped once she realized she was ranting. She let out a loud, heavy sigh and dragged her fingers through her hair, closing her eyes for a moment and counting her breaths. Eventually her heart rate slowed down and the pulsing vein in her neck was a little less prominent.

Alice frowned and flexed her fingers lightly.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.

“S’whatever,” Bella said with a shrug. “I mean if you’re bi I’m guessing you’ve dealt with the same sh*t.”

“You could say that, yes,” Alice replied quietly. “If...it’s alright for me to ask, am I...the only one who knows? About you?”

“Charlie knows,” Bella said absently. “Well, and Renee and Phil, but they’re back in Phoenix and I haven’t heard from them since getting here except for when Phil texted me a picture of him and Renee in front of some tourist trap in Boston, and Renee used his phone to text me uh.”

Bella coughed and pulled her phone out, opening up the text and reading it aloud.

“Oh my God Bella you wouldn’t believe how nice Boston is, I can’t believe we never went before. Did you know that people in Boston actually talk like that? We went to a deli for lunch today and the guy behind the counter sounded like he was out of a movie.”

Bella was quiet for a moment before turning her phone off and putting it back in her pocket.

“I told her ‘Sounds great, glad you’re doing well’, and the only reply I got was from Phil who told me not to worry and that he was taking care of my mom. So...yeah. That should probably give you enough context to know whether or not them knowing I’m gay matters.”

Alice fiddled with her skirt a little before responding.

“I have decided I’m not particularly fond of your mother,” she declared. “You can have mine if you want.”

Bella laughed despite herself.

“Why, what’s wrong with her?” she chuckled.

Alice giggled.

“Absolutely nothing. Esme is a lovely woman who would probably adopt every orphan in the world if Carlisle would let her, but I can probably at least squeeze you in there.”

“Wanna get married, make it official?” Bella joked.

“Hmm…” Alice hummed, tapping her finger to her chin as she pretended to seriously think the idea over. “What exactly are you bringing to this marriage? I mean, you’re getting my rather excellent mother so what do I get?”

“I’ll have you know I’d make an exceptional housewife,” Bella said firmly. “I can cook, and I know how to get every stain out of every kind of clothing. Provided it’s fresh. Even if it isn’t fresh I can sometimes salvage it though.”

“Oooh, tempting,” Alice giggled. “You’ll have to break the news to Jasper though.”

“Oh that’s my job? You can’t tell your boyfriend you’re a married woman now on your own, you have to get your wife to do it?” Bella groaned.

“He does really good puppy eyes, I know he doesn’t look the type but it’s quite impossible for me to say no to him when he makes that one face,” Alice sighed in faux exasperation. “It’d never work if I do it.”

Bella laughed again, and the two trailed off into silence. After a few moments, Bella spoke up again, quiet and vulnerable.

“You really think your family will be okay with me? I mean, you talk all the time about how private they are, and sometimes in the cafeteria I think some of them stare at me and I can never tell if they want to gut me or say hello. And they’ll be okay with like...yknow?”

“I mean I have been talking about you rather extensively since inviting you to dinner,” Alice said. “They’re quite eager to meet you actually. As for the issue of your orientation…”

Bella found herself tensing slightly as Alice trailed off a little.

“I don’t...like speaking ill of my family, you understand?” Alice said gently. Bella nodded. “Most of them will be...fine. My parents in particular are a little old-fashioned so they might be a bit...off guard about it, but they accept it just fine. Jasper is very supportive of me and I have no doubt in my mind that support would extend to yourself. Emmett quite frankly will not care and will be far more interested in your potential interest and-or skill in ‘Mario Kart’.”

“I like Mario Kart,” Bella chuckled.

“Then Emmett will adore you,” Alice said, flashing a grin. Then her expression became pensive.

“What about your other two siblings? Rosalie and uhm, Edward?” Bella asked.

“I think Rose will be fine,” Alice said with a nod. “Honestly I doubt you’ll even meet her right away. She’s the most introverted person I’ve ever met in my life, frankly. Jasper might not talk very much but he enjoys socializing. But I think Rose would be quite happy as a hermit as long as she had a steady supply of cars to tinker with and books to read.”

“She likes cars?” Bella asked. Alice gave her a small smirk before replying.

“She does. She has several in the garage currently. It’s the one thing she’ll talk your ear off about if you let her, and then she’ll wonder why we always get her automotive-related things as gifts,” Alice snorted. “She claims we just don’t think she has any other hobbies. I would love to know more about her other hobbies but the only thing she ever wants to talk about at length is cars!”

“That’s funny,” Bella said with a smile. “And uh...Edward?”

Alice frowned, and Bella felt her heart start to race a little from anxiety.

“I love my brother,” she said carefully. “But it would be irresponsible of me to not warn you that he is the most likely to respond...negatively to your expression of identity.”

“Okay…” Bella said slowly.

“He’s not going to hurt you,” Alice said quickly. “But, well, he might...say things.”

“...things liiiike,” Bella prompted gently.

“He might ask you if you’re sure, he’ll say things like maybe you just haven’t found the right man, the usual gamut of nonsense,” Alice grumbled. “At worst he’ll get a bit preachy and religious on you and talk about how he personally believes that marriage should be between man and woman and that while he doesn’t hold any disdain for you as a person, what he will do is express significant worry over the safety of your eternal soul.”

Bella made several faces while Alice was speaking, each slightly more disgusted and irritated than the last.

“Okay. So ew, ew, and ewwwwwwwwwww,” Bella said, shuddering lightly. “I guess that’s not the worst thing ever, as long as he isn’t too up my ass about it.”

Alice frowned.

“That’s exactly my worry unfortunately,” she grumbled. “To be completely honest with you, he’s why I haven’t pushed harder to introduce you to my family sooner. Edward is...most of the time he’s great. We play chess together and we have similar interests, and he’s actually quite insightful and fun to talk to and…”

Alice sighed in mild frustration.

“And he’s also one of the most stubborn idiots I’ve ever known. If he gets an idea stuck in his head it’s very difficult to dislodge it, and I’m quite concerned that when he finds out you’re gay he’ll be stupid and he’ll decide to make you into his project of some sort and then I’ll have to intervene and he’ll get upset, and then because he’s upset Carlisle and Esme will get upset and then everyone will get upset and you’ll be stuck in the middle and I really don’t want to do that to you but I also would really like to stop keeping you from the rest of my family at arm’s length just because my brother occasionally likes to use his rear end as a hat.”

Bella blinked a few times in surprise and coughed. Alice looked a bit awkward and bashful, as if she had said far more than she intended to, and she cleared her throat lightly.

“I hope this doesn’t discourage you from being my friend,” Alice said meekly. “If I could change my brother I would. I promise you he’s actually very nice underneath all that stubbornness, and I hope he’ll come around eventually but I’d also understand if you don’t want to deal with that.”

For a few moments, the two girls sat in silence. Bella turned the words over and over in her head before eventually coming to a decision. Carefully, she shifted her position and scooted herself to sit directly next to Alice, and she gently put an arm around Alice’s shoulders.

Even through her clothes, Bella could tell Alice was freezing, and she was so surprised by how cold she was without shivering that she almost forgot what she was about to say. But she quickly got her bearings back and spoke up.

“We can’t help who we’re related to,” Bella said with a sigh, thinking of her own mother. “I mean, I know you’re adopted but the premise still applies. I’m not gonna ditch you because your brother kinda sucks sometimes. I will however retain the right to punt him in the nuts if he ever gets too gross about it.”

Alice laughed and leaned into Bella’s side with a small hum of contentment.

“Trust me, if he ever oversteps too much I’ll do the kicking for you. He’s my brother so I have dibs,” she said.

“Well isn’t he my brother in law now? We have equal dibs,” Bella chuckled.

“Oh right of course, of course. But he was my brother first so my dibs are a little more equal than yours, you see,” Alice giggled.

“Ah, invoking the seniority clause, I respect it,” Bella said sagely. “Then I shall let you have first nut-kicking dibs should Edward say anything particularly gross.”

Alice giggled again and lightly bumped Bella’s shoulder with her head.

They were quiet until the bell rang and they had to stand. Bella stretched out her joints with a loud groan.

“Hey,” she said before Alice split off towards her own class. Alice turned to her with a curious expression on her face. “Uh, thanks. For listening to me. And for like, cheering me up and junk.”

“You’re my friend Bella,” Alice said with a smile. “You don’t need to thank me for that.”

“Is it kinda sad that you’re basically the best friend I’ve ever had?” Bella asked with an awkward half-smile, rocking back and forth on her heels a little. “I’ve never really had anyone do that for me before. So...I feel like I do need to thank you, actually.”

Alice was quiet for a moment before reaching out and gently tapping Bella’s nose with her finger.

“It is a little sad I suppose,” she murmured. “But not because you are a sad person. It’s because you’re actually quite a wonderful person I think, and it’s sad that it’s taken this long for people to start figuring that out.”

“Aw shucks,” Bella said, feeling her face heat up a little. “You’re gonna make me cry ya big softie.”

“Well we can’t have that,” Alice snickered. “Do you mean it though? That I’m your best friend?”

Bella shrugged.

“I mean I think you have the position more by default than by selection but I’m also pretty confident in saying that if this friendship continues to trend in the direction it has been, you’ll probably have it pretty locked up for a while.”

“I’ll take it,” Alice declared with a clap of her hands, grinning widely. “You should get to class, Bella. Take care for the rest of the day, alright? I’ll see you tomorrow for dinner.”

“Yeah. Wait, aren’t you going to class too?” Bella asked with a frown.

“Oh, no, my family left just before lunch. I stayed to eat and chat with you, but everyone else left before. Carlisle is taking us...somewhere. I don’t remember. But he got permission to take us out right before lunch,” Alice said, bouncing a little on her heels.

“Man I wish my dad was rich,” Bella whined. “Your life sounds so cool.”

Alice laughed and pushed Bella down the hall.

“Go to class! I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“Yeah yeah I’m going!” Bella yelped as she started walking away. “Wait, I still don’t know your address!”

“I’ll text it to you!” Alice called out behind her.

“Kay!”

~~~~~

“Okay,” Bella said as she pulled into the driveway of the address she had been given, looking out the front window of her truck in dumbstruck awe. “I knew her dad had money but like. Holy McMansion, Batman.”

There was no other good way to describe the absolutely massive house she had just arrived at. ‘House’ didn’t even feel like the right description. It was huge. And even though it was dark, Bella was pretty sure she could make out the shape of at least one outbuilding not too far from the main property.

She killed the engine and hopped gingerly out of her truck, pulling her hoodie over her head. An experimental exhale pushed out a slight cloud of vapor and she shivered, her nose already tingling from the evening chill.

Bella walked up to the front door and was debating between knocking or looking for a doorbell when the door was flung open to reveal Alice, who was currently wearing a face-splitting grin. Behind her stood a startlingly beautiful young woman with shining, soft brown hair that spilled in gentle curls down to her shoulders.

“Jesus Alice is your entire family supermodels?” Bella blurted out before she could sever the connection between her brain and her mouth, and she immediately found herself wanting to turn right back around and climb into her truck.

Alice just burst out laughing and the woman standing with her smiled prettily, gently pulling Alice out of the entryway and beckoning Bella to come inside.

“Thank you very much sweetheart, I’ll take that as the compliment it was intended to be,” the woman said with a chuckle. “I’m Esme Cullen. It’s a delight to meet you.”

Bella took the offered hand and shook it, smiling awkwardly with embarrassment.

“It’s nice to meet you too Mrs. Cullen. I’ve heard a lot about you and your family,” Bella said politely.

“Oh please call me Esme darling,” Esme said as she ushered Bella inside. “Mrs. Cullen makes me feel old.”

“Uh, okay then. Esme it is,” Bella said, looking around the foyer with a slightly dumbstruck look on her face. “You have a really nice home.”

“Thank you!” Esme said with a wide smile, putting a hand over her heart. “I did all the design work myself.”

“You did!?” Bella asked, eyes widening a little. “Wow. You’re like, crazy talented then.”

“Oh stop it,” Esme chided playfully as she led Bella further into the house, Alice skipping happily behind them. “Alice didn’t tell us you were such a charmer!”

“I’m not trying to be?” Bella said awkwardly, looking back at Alice with a help me expression.

“I should inform you mother that Bella proposed to me yesterday,” Alice said with mischief dancing in her eyes.

“Oh? Is that so?” Esme said, narrowing her eyes at Bella.

“It was a joke!” Bella yelped. “We were just being funny! Alice you know it was just us being funny right?”

“So the idea of marrying my daughter is a joke to you?” Esme asked, putting a hand on her hip and raising an eyebrow.

Bella made a strangled sound in her throat before turning to Alice.

“Help,” she whined.

“Alright alright,” Alice giggled, hopping up to Bella’s side and looping her arm around with Bella’s. “We’ll stop. You’re just too easy to tease.”

Esme’s face had also returned to an easy smile, and Bella felt her shoulders slump in relief.

“You’re such an ass sometimes,” she whispered to Alice, bumping her with her hip.

“Please. You love me,” Alice scoffed.

“Not right now I don’t! That was mean!” Bella whined. “My nerves are already at an eleven!”

“I’m sorry then,” Alice said, gently bumping Bella with her head. “Forgive me?”

“We’ll see,” Bella grumbled, reaching around and ruffling Alice’s hair. Alice yelped and pulled her head away, pouting and fixing her hair. “By the way miss ‘I can see the future’ I didn’t see the sun at ALL today and it actually got dark early. What’s up with that!? I was promised a bright and sunny day!”

Alice poked the side of her own head and stuck her tongue out.

“Oops! Silly me! I guess it just wasn’t working properly!”

Bella snorted lightly and shook her head.

“Yeah, or maybe it’s just tuned specifically to when I text you,” she said with a wry chuckle. Alice made a little nyeh sound at her and lightly shoved her.

Esme then led Bella into the living room, where two other Cullens were currently involved in their own activities. Jasper Hale was sitting in an armchair watching Emmett Cullen play a video game and offering commentary every time Emmett died in the game.

Emmett was sitting on the floor with his face barely two feet away from the television, a controller looking quite small in his gigantic hands as his face was scrunched up in concentration. The video game on the screen was some kind of action-shooting game, and he was quite occupied mowing down what looked like a variety of very colorful aliens.

“You should probably run away from the grenades,” Jasper commented as Emmett’s character went flying across the screen in a ragdoll animation.

“Oh you think!?” Emmett grumbled.

“Yeah it would probably help you die less,” Jasper said, nodding sagely.

“f*ck you Jasper.”

“Emmett! Language!” Esme scolded. Emmett grinned and turned around, his eyes lighting up when he spotted Bella.

“Hey! You’re the girl!” he said, pointing at her triumphantly.

Bella froze and stared at him with wide eyes.

“Huh?” she said.

“You know. The girl. The famous Bella,” Emmett said, still grinning.

Bella slowly turned to Alice, who was suddenly finding the ceiling very interesting.

“Exactly how much did you say you talked about me?” Bella asked.

“Hm? Sorry I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Alice deflected, bouncing on her heels. “Hey look over there!”

She pointed at something across the room and made to run away, but stopped when Bella just stood there staring at her. Clearing her throat awkwardly, she stood back up straight.

“You were supposed to look away,” she explained.

“Alice. How much have you been talking about me. Why is your brother calling me ‘the famous Bella’?”

“She’s basically been babbling about you nonstop for a while now,” Jasper commented quietly, standing up and walking over to Alice. He put his hands on her shoulders and gently rubbed at her with his thumbs, looking fondly down at her. “It’s amusing. You’d think she’d never had a friend before.”

“Jasperrrr,” Alice whined. “You’re embarrassing me!”

“Jasper Hale, by the way. Pleasure to meet you,” Jasper said. He didn’t offer his hand, and in fact seemed to be positioning Alice between him and Bella somewhat, but his voice was warm and welcoming and had a soft hint of a southern drawl.

“Heard a lot about you,” Bella said with a nod. “It’s nice to finally meet you properly.”

“Mhm. I hear you’re trying to steal my girl from me,” he replied wryly.

Bella put her face in her hands and groaned. “I’m going to regret that stupid joke for the rest of my life, aren’t I?”

Alice and Jasper laughed at her for a moment before Bella pulled her hands away, turning to greet the other Cullen in the room.

“Anyway, yes, I’m Bella. You’re Emmett, right?” she asked, holding her hand out.

“Yeah! It’s so cool to finally meet you. I mean, I’ve been wanting to say hi for like, weeks, but Alice wouldn’t let me,” Emmett said casually, reaching out and shaking Bella’s hand. Bella stared blankly as his entire hand practically enveloped hers, and she could tell from the handshake that if he wanted to he could probably break every bone in her hand.

“Well you can say hi to me anytime you like. Despite what she seems to believe, Alice doesn’t own me,” Bella chuckled.

“Do too! I have dibs!” Alice chirped.

“You can’t have dibs on a person, Alice,” Jasper said patiently.

“Can too. I also have dibs on you,” Alice retorted.

“That I’m okay with,” Jasper chuckled.

“You guys are gross,” Emmett said, making a face. Then to Bella he asked; “Do you like video games?”

“I hear you’re a Mario Kart sort of man,” Bella said. “I’ll have you know I’m undefeated at Wario Stadium.”

Emmett pumped his fist and whooped, hurrying back to the television and setting up a different console.

“I’m gonna smear you across the dirt,” he declared confidently as he plugged a few controllers in.

Bella looked at Alice, who nodded happily and waved Bella away with her hands.

“I’ve had you to myself for weeks,” Alice said with an easy smile. “Socialize with my family. If you want. That’s the whole reason I invited you.”

“Yeah, okay. Uh, wasn’t I coming over for dinner though?” Bella asked with a frown.

Alice and Jasper exchanged a quick look, which Bella thought was a bit odd, before they looked back at her.

“We’ve got a pretty specialized diet,” Alice explained awkwardly. “I just invited you over for dinner because that’s the normal thing to do, I suppose. I just want to hang out with you. We can definitely feed you if you’re hungry, but we’ve already eaten.”

“Oh. That’s fine,” Bella said with a shrug. “I’ll figure it out. You could have just said you wanted to hang out with me though.”

“I know,” Alice groaned. “I just kind of panicked and felt like I needed some kind of excuse.”

Bella rolled her eyes good-naturedly.

“You’re such a weirdo,” she chuckled before walking over and sitting down next to Emmett. “Alright big man, you ready to get destroyed?”

“I am the undisputed champion of Mario Kart in this household and I will not be dethroned so easily!” Emmett declared, pounding a fist on his chest a few times. Bella laughed and they started a race.

As she thoroughly trounced Emmett over and over again, she felt her nerves slowly slipping away from her. Alice and Jasper were sitting on the couch and cheering them on, with Alice shamelessly on Bella’s ‘team’ and enthusiastically clapping whenever Bella would win a race, or hit Emmett with an item.

“You know, I feel like my support is a bit thin back there,” Emmett complained.

Jasper shrugged.

“Do something worth cheering for and maybe you’ll get more enthusiasm,” he said dryly. Emmett flipped him the bird as Bella once more crossed the finish line in first place, receiving another round of applause from Alice.

“Yay! Good job Bella!” Alice said, bouncing on the couch and giggling. “Kick his butt!”

“You seem very invested in this,” Bella commented.

“Emmett always beats me so it’s very satisfying to see him humbled,” Alice said.

“My own sister,” Emmett groaned, clutching a hand over his heart. “The betrayal!”

Alice stuck her tongue out and blew a raspberry.

They were on their seventh race when Bella heard a door open. It was one of the sliding glass doors that led to the back side of the property, and the source of the footsteps was another person Bella didn’t recognize. He had dirty blonde hair and carried himself with an aura that Bella could practically feel, and without realizing it she straightened her back up a little bit.

“Carlisle! Come meet Bella!” Alice called out.

The man Bella now knew was Alice’s adoptive father smiled and walked over to them, his hands clasped behind his back as he observed the scene in front of him.

“What’s the score?” he asked after a moment.

“Six-nil,” Jasper said, twirling a lock of Alice’s hair around his finger.

“Ah. Apologies, Emmett’s quite skilled at this particular game I believe,” Carlisle said to Bella.

“Actually she’s winning,” Jasper said with a small half-smile.

“Bro,” Emmett groaned. “Whose side are you on.”

“Yours by pity,” Jasper replied easily.

“Ouch.”

Carlisle chuckled and took a few more steps towards Bella, who stood up and set the controller down. He observed her carefully for a few moments, and Bella couldn’t help but feel as though she was being seen right through. His eyes were a warm honey color, which…

Huh.

“Huh,” Bella said, tilting her head slightly to the side before looking around the room a little.

“What’s up?” Alice asked.

“...just weird,” Bella murmured, looking at each face in the room in turn. “I thought...hm.”

“You must be Bella, then,” Carlisle said, holding a hand out. “Carlisle Cullen. This is my home, and my family. I’ve heard quite a bit about you. All good things, of course.”

“It’s nice to meet you Mr. Cullen,” Bella said, shaking his hand. She was still quite distracted, but realized that he, Esme, and Emmett were also all quite cool to the touch. Just like Alice.

Huh.

“Call me Carlisle,” he replied smoothly. “I have to retire to my study for now, work to be done, but please don’t hesitate to speak with me if you need anything. Have you met all of my children yet?”

“Not yet,” Bella said, shaking her head. “Just the people in this room, and Esme.”

“I see. Well, I believe Rosalie is reading in the garden, and Edward is out for a walk,” Carlisle said with a small nod. “If you wish to be introduced I’ll happily show you to the gardens and find my son for you.”

“Oh no it’s fine,” Bella said, waving her hands. “I don’t want to be a bother. I’m having fun hanging out with Alice and Emmett and Jasper, I’m sure they’re aware I was coming over and if they’re not here they probably don’t want to meet me right now which is totally fine and I don’t want to, like, butt in on them.”

Carlisle chuckled lightly and dipped his head again.

“Very well then. A pleasure, Miss Swan.”

“Okay, no, if I’m calling you Carlisle you have to call me Bella. That’s just weird,” Bella said, making a face.

“Bella it is then. Lovely to meet you,” Carlisle said, turning to acknowledge each of his children before leaving the room.

As soon as he left the room Bella’s shoulders slumped and she let out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding.

“You alright?” Alice asked.

“Your dad is really intimidating,” Bella muttered, rubbing her eyes. “Just his presence made my hairs on my neck stand up. Not like, scary intimidating, but he just feels really big. Like, spiritually.”

“Well I promise you he’s a lot less intimidating than he seems,” Alice said with a reassuring smile. “He’s very sweet. He likes you.”

“Well. That’s good I guess,” Bella said with a sigh before sitting back down.

They continued to race a few more times, but Bella’s nerves could never quite settle again. It didn’t help that she started feeling a bit paranoid, feeling as though Jasper kept staring at her. She caught him out of the corner of her eye a few times, looking at her with a faint expression of puzzlement, as if something about her was confusing him.

She brushed it off, or at least tried to. There was probably a perfectly reasonable explanation for it. Maybe he had different expectations of what she would be like as a person and was trying to figure her out. Maybe he was just a people-watcher and did this to everyone.

Maybe he was actually afraid she would try to steal Alice from him and was examining the ‘competition’?

No. Bad Bella. Do not wind yourself up. He’s been perfectly nice to you so far. Calm the eff down.

Eventually Emmett got a bit tired of being smacked around and unceremoniously kicked Bella off his system, grumbling about how he had to get some practice in without it being completely demoralizing before she was allowed to play him again.

Alice took the opportunity to drag Bella up to her bedroom and show off her closet, which after taking one look, Bella was fully ready to believe that she was actually underselling how much clothing she owned before.

As they were sat on the floor of Alice’s closet, Bella interrupted Alice’s ramble about the one-of-a-kind jacket she was showing off with a question.

“Can I ask something that might be really stupid?”

Alice blinked and nodded.

“Sure. What’s up?”

“You guys are all adopted right? I didn’t just hallucinate that?” Bella asked, frowning as she wracked her brain for memories of the topic.

There was only the briefest pause before Alice’s response, but it was enough to make Bella feel like something was slightly off.

“Yes. We are. Why?” Alice asked.

“It’s...there’s probably an explanation that isn’t in the realm of weird eugenics cult but like, dude, I have to ask,” Bella said awkwardly, pausing a few times before just coming out with the question. “Your eyes are literally all the same color. What gives? Does Carlisle only adopt kids with the same eye color as him and his wife? Cus like, it’s almost exactly the same.”

“Would you believe me if I told you it was almost entirely coincidence?” Alice said after a beat.

“Maybe?” Bella said with a frown. “Why?”

“I mean, because it is,” Alice said. Bella frowned as she observed her body language. Something was setting off alarm bells in her brain, and she couldn’t put her finger on what. She trusted Alice well enough, and she was fairly certain that if the Cullens were actually a secret death-murder-cult that she’d already be dead by now, but still. Something was off about this entire conversation.

Something was off about this entire evening.

“Carlisle and Esme don’t specifically go looking for children with amber eyes,” Alice said, her tone conversational but her body language telling a different story. She looked a little too stiff, her movements a little too prepared. “We just all happened to have them. One of those funny little twists of fate.”

“...right. Yeah. Sorry, I was just really confused,” Bella said, trying to brush it all off. She was just wired and anxious from meeting so many new people, that was all. It was a weird coincidence, but weirder things had probably happened.

“It is a bit noticeable isn’t it?” Alice said with a smile.

Now, Alice had smiled quite a lot at Bella over the past month and a half or so.

She had several. She had a smile for when she was rambling about something that interested her, she had one for when she was being mischievous, she had one for when she was laughing, and she had several for varying levels of happiness and excitement.

Bella had gotten used to all of them to some degree.

So it was a bit jarring when the smile that came across Alice’s face was an entirely new one that Bella hadn’t seen before. It was almost a little too wide, and it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Alice was hard to read on a good day, but even with that in mind, her eyes were missing the tell-tale glimmer of all her other smiles.

“It’s getting kind of late,” Bella said quietly, pulling her phone out and checking the time.

“Is it? I must have lost track,” Alice sighed. “I suppose you should be getting home then.”

“Yeah. Charlie might be worrying about me,” Bella chuckled awkwardly.

A few beats of silence passed between them before Alice spoke up.

“Have I...done something wrong?” she asked, her voice small. “I thought we were having fun.”

“You’re fine,” Bella said quickly. “I think I’m just tired. Meeting your family was a bit intense, it’s been a while since I met so many new people in quick succession and actually spent time with them outside of a single lunch period, you know? So my brain is all wired and strung out, and it’s making me see shadows and sh*t.”

“Alright,” Alice said quietly. “So we’re okay?”

“We’re fine,” Bella reassured her, standing up and reaching out to squeeze her shoulder. “I just need to go home and sleep is all.”

“Okay. I’ll walk you to your truck?” Alice offered.

“I think I know the way back to the front door,” Bella said. “Sorry, I just need a mental reset, you know? It’s been a bit of a week.”

“I understand,” Alice said with a nod. “Still, I’ll at least walk you downstairs, okay?”

“Alright,” Bella said.

Alice led her down the stairs. The house was eerily silent, and Bella felt a shiver go down her spine as they reached the bottom of the steps. That feeling of being stared at rolled over her shoulders and neck again, and she couldn’t help the shudder that went through her.

“You alright?” Alice asked.

“Cold,” Bella said idly. “I’ll be okay.”

“I’ll see you Monday?” Alice asked.

“Yeah! Absolutely. Emmett and Jasper are more than welcome to say hi too, if they want. Did they, I mean, like, do you think your family likes me?” Bella asked, cringing slightly at herself.

Alice smiled warmly, and Bella felt relief as she recognized this one as a real smile.

“I think they were quite thoroughly charmed by you,” Alice replied confidently.

“Cool,” Bella said. “I’m gonna head home. Seeya Alice.”

“Text me when you get home safe,” Alice insisted before turning around and walking up the stairs.

“Totes, yeah,” Bella said quietly, watching Alice’s retreating back for a moment until she disappeared into the upstairs hallway.

Bella took a deep breath before starting to walk back to the front door. It was when she walked through the living room that she saw someone standing by the sliding glass door, having clearly just come in from the outside.

“Oh. Hello. You...must be Bella.”

Edward Cullen was closing the door behind him, and he looked at Bella with a curious expression on his face. He made no move to approach her, and only stared at her from across the room. Bella felt frozen to the spot, her heart starting to hammer in her chest.

She had no idea where the uneasiness in her was coming from, but she immediately felt her palms begin to sweat. The back of her neck felt cold as ice, and she fought the urge to swallow.

“Uh. Yeah. Hi. I was just leaving, sorry to bother you…” Bella said quietly. Edward shook his head slowly.

“You’re not. I’m actually glad I caught you. I heard Alice had invited you over tonight, but I was...unfortunately otherwise occupied,” he said, his soft voice still somehow carrying quite clearly across the room. His voice was almost melodic, and Bella couldn’t help but think that if she were slightly less terrified right now she might think he had a pretty voice.

“Yeah. Carlisle said you were out for a walk,” Bella said, trying to will her feet to start walking again. She tried to inconspicuously rub her palms on her jeans.

“There’s a trail in the woods out back,” Edward said idly, his eyes still firmly locked onto Bella. “I could show you sometime, if you like. It’s...quite peaceful.”

“I’m good. Not really a...woodsy person. Grew up mostly in the desert, yknow,” Bella said with an awkward chuckle.

“Have you ever tried?” Edward asked, tilting his head slightly to the side.

“Uh. Not really. Look, uh, Edward right? I really have to be going home, it’s late and I don’t want to worry my dad…” Bella said, fighting the trembling that was beginning to start in her legs.

“My apologies, please forgive my manners. I completely forgot to introduce myself. Yes, I’m Edward Cullen. It’s lovely to meet you, Bella,” Edward said softly, moving to take a few steps forward. As soon as he did Bella’s legs started working again, and she took a few paces back to match him.

He stopped walking then, and stared at her. An expression Bella couldn’t quite place flicked across his face before it settled into something more neutral, and he gave her a slow nod.

“Please. Don’t let me keep you. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you again soon, based on how much my...dear sister talks about you. We can get to know each other later.”

“Yeah. Uh. Maybe. I’m gonna...yeah. Nice meeting you,” Bella said, coughing awkwardly as she finally wrangled back control over her legs and walked out of the living room and down the hall. She found the front door and quickly made her way to her truck, only to find someone standing next to it.

A shock of golden blonde hair was the first thing Bella saw. The second thing she saw was the tapping foot and the crossed arms, and then she heard the grumbling.

“Should be considered a war crime...disgusting...can’t believe this thing is legal on the road…” came various snippets.

“Uh,” Bella cleared her throat. “Hello?”

“Please tell me this isn’t yours,” Rosalie Hale snapped without even turning around. “Because this is a tragedy. I could hear you pull into the driveway. This thing should be put down.”

“Oh-kaaay! First of all, hi I’m Bella! You must be Rosalie, and I can see the talk about you is not unfounded,” Bella said, the insult to her truck somehow managing to both override all the nerves that had built up from her ‘conversation’ with Edward and convert all that energy into pure irritation. “Second of all, not all of us can afford nice cars that sound nice and we have to make do with what we have. Thirdly, this was a gift from my dad. So shove off.”

Rosalie snorted.

“Some gift. This thing should have been dead on its wheels years ago. I have no idea what kind of necromancy was performed on this hunk of metal to get it to move forwards on it’s own power, but I can guarantee you it’s not going to last. That engine is begging for death.”

“Wow, okay, thank you for that,” Bella said with extremely heavy sarcasm. “Unfortunately for your delicate tastes I have to get home, so unless you’d like to make a donation I’m going to take my franken-truck and go to bed. That cool with you?”

“If Alice wants you to come over again she can pick you up herself. She knows how to drive,” Rosalie grumbled. “This makes me sad to even look at, and frankly I’m worried it’s going to somehow going to infect my own cars through sheer proximity to junk.”

“Jesus what crawled up your ass and died?” Bella grumbled as she pushed past Rosalie to her truck, ignoring the huff of irritation as she did so. “Listen, I’m leaving now. If you have an issue with me coming over in my truck you can take that up with Alice but I’ve only been her friend for like a month and I can already tell you’ve got a snowball’s chance in hell of getting her to do something she doesn’t want to do.”

“Just get this thing out of my sight and don’t bring it around again,” Rosalie hissed. “Or at the very least take it to a mechanic so they can tell you that the damn thing is unsalvageable.”

“I cannot believe I thought you were hot,” Bella muttered under her breath as she flung the door open and climbed into the drivers seat. She slammed the door closed and jammed the keys into the ignition, allowing herself the swell of satisfaction at the disgust present in Rosalie’s body language as she revved the engine up.

“People who make cars feel like that should be thrown in jail!” Rosalie snapped from outside the truck before turning around and walking away.

“Whatever,” Bella muttered.

She took a moment to center herself before getting ready to pull out of the Cullen driveway, but before she did something compelled her to look up and out her window.

Rosalie was still standing there on the front porch, staring at the car with crossed arms and a frown on her face. When she realized Bella was looking at her, her eyes flicked up and made contact with Bella’s own.

The world stopped.

Time stopped.

The entirety of Bella’s perception was suddenly zeroed out except for two small pinpricks in reality that shone golden. Every other Cullen had a pair of amber eyes, that varied slightly in soft, subtle ways, but were all in the same spectrum of honey-orange.

Rosalie’s eyes though, were almost as bright as the sun.

Bella felt like she was both drowning and as though she, for the first time in her life, was truly breathing; as if every intake of oxygen before then had been foggy and contaminated. She barely even registered whether or not her heart was still beating.

Everything around her felt irrelevant, incomplete. Infinitely small and worthless compared to what was in front of her. Everything she knew was contained within the two shards of pure gold that dominated her perception.

And then in a moment it was over.

The spell broke, and Rosalie was gone.

Bella was sitting in her truck with the engine idling, her hands gripping the wheel so tight her knuckles had turned white. There was no sign of any Cullen outside, no indication Rosalie had even been there.

Her heart was pounding and she felt like ice water had just been poured over her.

Suddenly her breathing came in gasps as she realized that she hadn’t actually taken in a breath for several moments, and after her lungs stopped burning Bella shook her head, hard.

“What,” she whispered. “The f*ck.”

Chapter 6: So I'm Waiting For The Other Foot To Drop (And I'm Waiting For The Ringing In My Head To Stop)

Chapter Text

“I think she can hear me now.”

…

“It’s a bit faster. You must have done something different this time.”

…

“It’s still weak. She can hear me, but nothing much past that.”

…

“Yeah. Fingers crossed.”

~~~~~

Bella woke up with a slamming headache, and as she clutched her head and groaned she tried to remember what her dream was about. It was something full of shadows and mist, like she was in some sort of sensory deprivation.

It felt important, but she couldn’t pull it out of her mind.

Blearily rubbing her eyes, she checked her messages on her phone. There were several from Alice, all sent after Bella had arrived home the previous night. She was apologizing for any discomfort Bella felt during the evening, and hoped they would still hang out at school after the weekend.

She was halfway through a reply text when she paused and deleted it all. After what she experienced last night, she needed a break from Cullen weirdness. She looked through her recent messages at the only other two locals that bothered texting her and made a split second decision, firing off a text.

Bella [9:47 a.m.]: yo, I am bored and still have not really been out and about much since getting here. wanna go hang out somewhere?

Her phone buzzed with a reply while she was brushing her teeth.

Lauren [10:01 a.m.]: sure y not, wat wr u thnkn?

Bella [10:03 a.m.]: I have seen your English homework you know. I know you know how to spell words properly.

Lauren [10:05 a.m.]: fk u swan. answer the q.

Bella [10:05 a.m.]: You’re the local here. Is there anything interesting to do around here?

Lauren [10:07 a.m.]: in forks?? fk no. cn c if my mom wl drve to port angeles n we cn hang at the mall mayb?

Bella [10:12 a.m.]: It’s like trying to read hieroglyphs. You know I can drive right? I can pick you up and take us there myself.

Lauren [10:13 a.m.]: o

Lauren [10:13 a.m.]: u r oficly my new fav prsn if u wl drv me to the mall smtims

Lauren [10:13 a.m.]: u wna inv the grp? or is ths a prvt event

Bella [10:15 a.m.]: Assuming I have no prior plans and you’ll chip in for gas here and there I don’t mind. And I dunno, I only really get along with you and Angela. The other three just also happen to be there during lunch.

Lauren [10:16 a.m.]: mike only is alowd to st w us bcus Jess has a fat lady boner fr him and tyler is his friend so I feel u

Lauren [10:17 a.m.]: tbh I knda mis whn it ws jst me n ange n jess but w/e

Lauren [10:17 a.m.]: so jst us thn? time?

Bella [10:18 a.m.]: Wanna eat out or go after lunch?

Lauren [10:20 a.m.]: fam sez as long as im hom fr dinr can do w/e so wna get lnch somwr?

Bella [10:21 a.m.]: Sure. What’s good?

Lauren [10:22 a.m.]: fkn nthn tht isn’t expnsv bt I know a fw plcs tht won’t giv u fd psning

Bella [10:30 a.m.]: Good enough for me I suppose. I’m ready to swing by whenever so just text me your address when you’re ready and I’ll grab you.

Lauren [10:31 a.m.]: k. gv me lik 15 to pt a fce on n I’ll b rdy.

True to her word, fifteen minutes later Bella’s phone buzzed with an address and she was throwing on a jacket, calling out to Charlie that she’d be home later that evening. He just nodded, barely even looking up from some sports magazine.

She pulled up outside the place, which was only a few streets away from Charlie’s house. It was a typical suburban two-story house, a far cry from the opulent manor she had spent the previous evening in. It was almost a relief to be pulling up to a normal house, and as Lauren walked out the front door Bella could hear her yelling.

“I said I’m gonna be home for dinner! Stop f*cking harassing me about it, Mom said it was fine!”

A deep voice yelled something back at her that Bella couldn’t make out, which was replied to with a roll of the eyes and a flipping of the bird by Lauren.

“You’re not my dad, asshole, you’re just my mom’s f*cking boyfriend. Get off my dick!” she shouted before slamming the front door and marching over to Bella’s truck, yanking the passenger door open and climbing in. She shut the door a bit roughly, wincing as she did so and crossing her arms, leaning back in the seat, and closing her eyes. She took a few deep breaths before opening her eyes again and facing towards Bella. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to take my piss-off out on your trucks door, I hope I didn’t hurt it. He just pisses me off.”

“No big,” Bella said quietly as she reversed out of the driveway and onto the road. They were quiet for only a few minutes before Lauren started ranting.

“He thinks just because my mom lets him stick his f*cking nasty-ass dick in her that he gets to boss me around. Like, absolutely the f*ck not dude. Tried to get all high and mighty on me about how I don’t spend any time at home anymore, like he would f*cking know. f*cking piece of sh*t asshole.”

“Damn,” Bella murmured sympathetically, grimacing. “I’m sorry you have to deal with that.”

“Yeah. Your parents are divorced right?” Lauren asked, frowning in thought.

“Uh. Yeah,” Bella replied.

“Either of them ever get a new girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever that tried to get all f*cking, parental on your ass way too f*cking soon? Like they just expect you to be all ass-kiss just cus they’re f*cking your parent?” Lauren asked, huffing and adjusting in her seat. She also finally remembered to pull her seatbelt on, and Bella let out a sigh of relief.

“To be honest I’m not really sure Charlie is aware that other women exist,” Bella murmured. Lauren snorted in amusem*nt.

“I can’t believe you call your dad by his name. That’s so weird. He lets you do that?” she asked.

Bella shrugged.

“I mean, I left Forks when I was like. I dunno, eight? I don’t really remember a lot of my early childhood, so all I know of him is a few vague memories and the once or twice a month phone conversations. Calling him ‘Dad’ would just be weird at this point I think. For both of us, actually.”

“Huh. I couldn’t imagine calling my mom ‘Jennifer’ to her face,” Lauren said, shuddering. “What about your mom, then? Since you lived with her? Any of her boyfriends try any sh*t?”

Bella thought about Phil for a moment.

“No. She only had the one, she’s still with him actually, and he was...fine. I don’t really know him very well,” Bella said. “He’s a baseball player. I think we had a conversation once where he told me that he’d like to marry my mom one day and asked if I’d be open to thinking about him as another parent, but to be honest I don’t actually remember what I told him.”

“Hope you told him to shove it,” Lauren grumbled.

“He’s not that bad,” Bella sighed. “He’s certainly a much better fit for my mom than Charlie was, at any rate.”

“What is your mom like anyway? You don’t talk about her much,” Lauren observed. “Do you miss her?”

“Jeez, what is this, therapy hour with Bella?” Bella groaned. Lauren laughed.

“You don’t have to tell me. I’m just like, curious. Not a lot of other children of divorce in a small town like Forks, yanno? I mean, there’s plenty of couples with kids around here that totally should split but you know how it is. Small, kinda conservative town, divorce is a pretty big no-no. I have no clue how Chief Swan got away with it and nobody even mentions it half the time.”

Bella was quiet for a moment before shrugging.

“I dunno. Am I a bad person if I say no?” she asked quietly.

“Nah. I don’t miss my dad at all,” Lauren said. “He’s kind of a jerk.”

“I’m sorry,” Bella said.

Lauren lightly swatted her thigh.

“Shut the f*ck up, Swan. Don’t apologize for sh*t you didn’t do. My dad’s just a twat and even my mom eventually realized it, horrible taste in men notwithstanding.”

Bella chuckled.

“It was a sympathy sorry, but I rescind it then.”

“If you want to express sympathy you should join me in trashing sh*tty parents and tell me why you don’t miss your mom,” Lauren said.

“Do I have to?” Bella asked, rapidly starting to feel a bit uncomfortable with the subject. “I don’t really…”

“No you don’t have to but I’m gonna be curious until you tell me,” Lauren sighed. “Is she like a druggie or something?”

“What!? No!”

“Hooker?”

“Lauren!”

“...Dominatrix?”

Bella sputtered and couldn’t even form words in response to that one, which caused Lauren to immediately start cackling and slapping her knee.

“f*ck you should have seen your face,” Lauren said through weak giggles after a moment. “That was great.”

“My mother is not a dominatrix!” Bella groaned.

“I know. You probably would be way less uptight if she was,” Lauren commented.

“Uptight!?”

“Duh. Every day I see you you’re so wound up I’m surprised you can sit still. You really need to learn how to chill.”

“You know, maybe I should just take you home if you’re gonna be so mean to me,” Bella grumbled.

“Oh boo you. Fine, I’ll let it go. We’re like halfway there anyway, it’d be a waste to turn back at this point,” Lauren said, waving her hand dismissively. “Let’s switch topics then. You’ve been here almost two months now, got your eye on anyone?”

Bella’s heart skipped a beat and she coughed, hard. Lauren’s eyebrows immediately shot up and a sh*t-eating grin started to spread across her face.

“Spill. Spill spill spill. Tell me right now who it is,” she insisted.

“There’s nothing to spill!” Bella insisted.

“You’re a sh*t liar. Spill.”

“Oh my god you’re insufferable,” Bella groaned.

Lauren just shrugged.

They were on the outskirts of the city, and Bella figured this was as good an opening as ever to get some more probing questions in. She had no idea why she wanted to do this of all things instead of just texting Alice back, but anything to distract herself from whatever the hell happened yesterday, she supposed.

“Can I ask you a question?” Bella asked, feeling her throat start to dry up and her heart speed up from the anxiety.

“Swan have you heard the questions I’ve been asking you? I’ve been waiting for you to fire back this whole damn drive. Hit me,” Lauren said, crossing her arms.

“The other day,” Bella said slowly. “Why’d you have to use that word to describe Mrs. Pierce's outfit?”

Lauren blinked and looked quite thoroughly caught off guard. She didn’t immediately blurt out defensiveness or accusations though, so Bella felt the smallest amount of relief hit her shoulders. But she still felt like her stomach was about to turn inside-out.

“Okay. Definitely not the question I expected,” Lauren said slowly. “Uh...you mean, what, saying she looked like a massive lesbo?”

“No, dumbass,” Bella grumbled, flexing her fingers on the steering wheel. “You said she looked like a dyke.”

“Oh. Why the f*ck is everyone so up my ass about that, jeezus,” Lauren grumbled. “Angela texted me a whole f*cking paragraph after school about it, it was obnoxious.”

“Maybe because it’s like, a slur?” Bella said, her voice heavy with exasperation.

“Oh for the love of – it’s a word, Bella,” Lauren sighed. “Is that why you were so f*cking weird the next day?”

“So what if I was?!” Bella asked, trying to force her eyes to not water.

Lauren actually seemed to react to that. She uncrossed her arms and seemed unsure what to do with her hands for a moment before clasping them in her lap and leaning back in her seat, staring directly out the windshield in total silence for a while.

She didn’t speak again until Bella had pulled into the mall parking lot and pulled the ignition. They were sat in silence for a few moments until she broke it.

“My dad’s gay. He actually cheated on my mom with another dude, which is why I’m not too fond of him. The cheating part, not – not the...the gay part,” Lauren mumbled. “My mom’s not too fond of either one though.”

“And you?” Bella asked, not looking at her.

Lauren shrugged.

“I dunno. I mean, when I was a kid my parents didn’t talk about it. I didn’t even know gay people existed until I was like, twelve. And before my dad left, my mom took the kinda approach of like, ‘love the sinner hate the sin’ about it to explain how she thought I should feel, you know?”

Bella didn’t say anything as she waited for Lauren to keep talking.

“After my dad left though my mom kinda went a little nuts. Anytime the topic would come up on the news or in a TV show she was watching or whatever I’d have to listen to her rant about how it was unnatural and how they shouldn’t be showing that sh*t to kids, and uh...nastier stuff.”

Lauren sighed and shook her head.

“I mean, whatever. I dunno. Words are just words, dude, and my mom uses a lot of them. But they don’t really mean anything. She’s never like, done anything bad to someone because of her beliefs.”

“Words do mean things, Lauren,” Bella said quietly. When Lauren snorted, Bella turned to face her and stared her dead in the face. “I’m serious. Think about it for a second, what if that was you? What if you were gay? How do you think your mom would react to that, based on the words she says so often?” she said, her voice firmer and louder.

Lauren thought about it for a moment and frowned, crossing her arms again over her stomach.

“I dunno. She’d...I’m not, though. So. Like. It doesn’t matter,” she muttered eventually.

“So the fact that she tosses the word dyke around when she talks about how ‘unnatural’ we are doesn’t f*cking matter!?” Bella blurted out, before immediately clapping her hand over her mouth and turning away.

She could feel Lauren jolt upright in her seat, and she could feel her eyes on her. She squeezed her eyes shut and forced down the overwhelming swell of nausea she felt in her guts, no longer able to keep the focus on the tears that were now pushing their way out of the corners of her eyes. She gagged lightly and was barely able to keep it down.

“sh*t - “ she heard Lauren mutter, and then she felt movement in the truck. She heard the unclipping of a seatbelt and then there were hands in her hair, pulling it into a rough ponytail and slipping a scrunchie around it. “f*cking sh*t Swan how is your truck the one truck in Forks not full of takeout and grocery bags and sh*t. Why is this thing so f*cking clean?”

Tears were streaming down her face now, leaving wet, burning trails on her cheeks and chin. Lauren’s rustling around the truck eventually stopped and Bella felt the fabric of a sleeve being brushed on her face, wiping her tears away.

“I’d tell you to breathe but I feel like you’d rather focus on not puking your guts out right now so…” Lauren muttered.

There were a few more close calls that Bella barely kept down, even though her throat burned from the stomach acid that kept bubbling up. Tears continued to stream down her face, and every minute or so she would feel Lauren’s sleeve on her face.

Eventually she was able to take her hand away from her mouth, pulling her knees up to her chest and pressing her forehead into them, wrapping her arms around her calves.

“Has the immediate threat of re-breakfast all over your truck passed?” Lauren asked.

Bella just gave a single, jerky nod.

“Cool,” Lauren said awkwardly. She was quiet again for a few moments before she kept talking. “Look, Bella, I don’t really know what to like. Say? But, I mean, I guess I’m sorry. For like, upsetting you and sh*t. I still think it’s kind of dumb to be that upset by words but, I mean...I dunno. I guess I get it.”

“Yippee. Glad you think I’m stupid,” Bella grumbled into her legs.

“That’s not what I f*cking said, dumbass,” Lauren snapped.

“You just called me a dumbass.”

“Yeah, that time you were being a dumbass cus that’s not what I said! Dumbass!” Lauren grumbled. “I don’t think you’re stupid. I just think...like...ugh, dude, I dunno. I came here expecting to go shopping with my new friend not be forced to think sh*tty things about the one parent I have that I thought was cool.”

“Sorry,” Bella said automatically.

“I’m gonna hit you again if you keep doing that,” Lauren snapped. “Look, I don’t wanna f*cking talk about this anymore so can we like, ceasefire here?”

“I dunno, can we?” Bella asked quietly after a moment. “I’m getting a lot of mixed signals here.”

Lauren groaned loudly and dragged her hands down her face.

“f*ck youuuu so much Swan,” Lauren sighed. “Look, whatever, you’re a f*ckin...you’re gay, I guess. I’m not f*cking stupid. I don’t care how gung-ho for the alphabet crew you are, nobody that isn’t...that is gonna get this upset over this sh*t. I’m not gonna like, string you up over it or whatever, so can we be chill for the rest of the day and go get some f*cking lunch?”

“That depends on if you can at least keep your ‘just words’ away from me,” Bella muttered.

“What do you want me to say, Swan, huh? I’ve never actually known a gay person before except the jerk who cheated on my mom so forgive me if I’m a little f*cking weird about it,” Lauren said, lightly shoving Bella’s shoulder.

“Maybe he cheated on her because she’s hom*ophobic?” Bella snarked.

“Oh I so wanna smack you right now,” Lauren groaned.

Bella shrugged.

Another ten minutes of silence passed before Lauren sighed again.

“Okay. Maybe I’m a bit of a bitch for saying mean words, and if certain words are actually gonna make people think I believe a certain way when I f*cking don’t then I’ll stop saying them. I guess. And I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

“I mean I’d rather you ditch the entire ‘just words’ mindset but I’ll take what I can get,” Bella sighed.

“Shut the f*ck up. I’m not done yet,” Lauren said, poking Bella’s cheek. “I am sorry I hurt you that way. You’re kinda cool and I only like hurting my friends in like, funny ways that don’t matter. Which that wasn’t.”

“Kay. The acceptance of your apology is pending,” Bella said.

“...on?” Lauren asked, frowning.

“Whether or not you agree with what your mom says,” Bella shrugged. “To be frank I’ve kinda had enough of that sh*t in my life and I’m like, not gonna be your gay person therapist. So if you do think that way I think I’ll just call it quits here and we can just pretend this never happened and not speak again.”

“Oh come the f*ck on Bella,” Lauren snapped, scowling at her. “D’you think that if I genuinely thought you were some unnatural affront to God that I’d be sitting here with your weepy pukey ass apologizing to you and trying to make you f*cking feel better?”

“...maybe?” Bella said with another shrug.

“...Jesus you’re damaged,” Lauren grumbled. “Well, for the record, I f*cking don’t. I think it’s weird and I can’t even imagine doing it myself but like, you can do whatever the f*ck you want as long as you aren’t gonna start hitting on me.”

“Luckily for you I’m not into catty bitches,” Bella snapped back.

“Who are you into then?” Lauren asked curiously. “Is it that Cullen chick? The little one you always hang out with when you aren’t with us? Alice? Isn’t she f*cking her brother?”

“What!? No! We’re just friends! And can you stop it with that rumor!?” Bella yelped.

“Alright, alright, jeez, kill a girl for asking a question why don’t you,” Lauren grumbled, but it was back to her normal levels of grumbling. “And I’d love to stop as soon as she stops making ‘f*ck-me’ eyes at him in the cafeteria! It’s weird, dude!”

Bella didn’t actually have a good response to that, because Alice did make eyes at Jasper at school. Constantly. Despite Bella telling her multiple times that her doing so was not helping with the rumors.

“That doesn’t actually answer my question by the way. What is your type? There’s probably at least one other lesbian in Forks. Maybe even two, depending on how much you care about age gaps. You’re like, already legal though so I guess it doesn’t matter,” Lauren said, frowning and tapping her chin.

“Okay, okay, can you go back to being vaguely hom*ophobic? I think I’d rather have that instead of you trying to set me up on a date with someone’s gay aunt,” Bella said, making a ‘yuck’ face.

“See that’s exactly the wrong type of information to give me because now I definitely need to do exactly that,” Lauren said with a sh*t-eating grin.

Bella smacked her forehead against the steering wheel and groaned.

“Why is my life nothing but suffering? Exactly how many puppies did I kick in a previous life to deserve this? Why does everyone I make friends with insist on being mean to me!?”

“Tough sh*t Ellen, now come on, I’m f*cking starving,” Lauren said, patting Bella’s back lightly before moving to get out of the truck.

“Alright, I’m coming,” Bella said, unbuckling her seatbelt before her brain fully finished processing what Lauren had just said. “Okay absolutely the f*ck not we are not doing that nickname - “

~~~~~

The rest of the day, to Bella’s surprise, had gone well so far. Lauren had led her to a small hole-in-the-wall that made passable sandwiches for lunch, and then they spent a couple hours in the mall as Bella was dragged from clothing store to clothing store.

Physically dragged.

It was a bit odd at first, Bella thought, but then she caught Lauren giving her a bit of a deliberate look before grabbing her wrist to drag her over to look at a rack of skirts, and she started to piece together what was going on.

With Angela and Jessica, Lauren wasn’t exactly a touchy-feely-huggy sort of person, but she had no issues with plenty of light physical contact with the two of them. Smacking their arms, dragging them by the hand to show them something, small gestures of comfort and friendship that she was now being very deliberate with in her inclusion of Bella.

Lauren might be abrasive and catty, and clearly unable to verbally communicate her emotions with any coherence whatsoever, but Bella felt a soft warmth in her core at the very definitive demonstration that Lauren didn’t care about Bella’s orientation and that she was going to treat her exactly the same way she treated Angela and Jessica.

In fact they ended up having such a good time that they completely lost track of it, and only noticed when Lauren looked at her phone and went a little pale.

“I’m soooo f*cking dead,” she whispered.

“What’s up?” Bella asked.

“Dude it is eight at night. I missed dinner by like two hours, my mom is going to bury me in the backyard!” Lauren exclaimed, grimacing.

“f*ck. Alright, well, let’s wrap up here and get the hell out of here,” Bella said. They quickly gathered their things and made their way out of the mostly-empty mall. There were still a few cars left in the parking lot, but it was mostly very empty and very quiet.

They were walking back to the truck, tiredly chatting about something inconsequential when the hairs on the back of Bella’s neck stood up. Her pace slowed and Lauren looked confused as she matched her.

Bella took the bags she was holding and put them on her wrist, freeing up her hand to grab Lauren’s forearm.

“Swan what the - “

“Shut the f*ck up and keep walking,” Bella said under her breath. “The guy on our left has been following us since we came out of Macy’s.”

“Who - “ Lauren started to turn her head, then winced and hissed in pain as Bella dug her fingernails into her arm.

“Don’t f*cking look at him you idiot! I don’t want him to know we spotted him,” Bella hissed. “Listen. We’re only a couple dozen feet away from the truck, and I don’t think he knows which car is ours. We keep walking and get as close to it as we can, and if sh*t starts getting dicey, we run. Drop sh*t if you need to. Understand?”

“f*cking...yes,” Lauren hissed, mirroring Bella’s actions of hanging the bags she was carrying off her wrist so she could loop her arm around Bella’s.

Out of the corner of her eye, on her other side, Bella saw movement and her heart started to beat faster.

“sh*t,” she muttered.

“What now!?” Lauren hissed.

“I think there’s two of them,” Bella muttered. “Just keep walking. Almost there.”

“I’m gonna sh*t myself,” Lauren groaned.

“Just keep walking. Everything’s going to be okay,” Bella said soothingly.

They were eight cars away when it all started going to sh*t.

“Hey! You girls need a ride home!” the first guy called out. They ignored him at first, and his second shout was a bit angrier. “Hey! You got a f*ckin’ problem?”

“Stuff it up your dickhole!” Lauren shouted back. Bella winced and groaned internally, getting ready to drop her things and run. But Lauren planted her feet, causing Bella’s panic to go into overdrive and write over her logical responses. What the f*ck was she doing!?

“Sheesh girl I’m just trying to be friendly! Don’t you wanna make friends in life?” the guy responded, speeding up his walking a little.

“Hey asswipe, my friends dad is the Forks Chief of Police so you should really f*ck off,” Lauren drawled. Bella wanted to scream at her.

The guy paused just for a moment, before looking over at the other person Bella thought she saw.

“What d’you think man? Sounds like sh*t to me.”

“I think they’re full of it,” the other guy laughed.

Bella could see her own panic mirrored on Lauren’s face as she realized her gambit wasn’t working, and she tried to tug Lauren’s arm. They were only a few cars away, they had to -

“Hey! Let go of my sh*t!” Lauren yelped. The second guy had reached out to the bags she was carrying, and was holding onto one of the handles.

“C’mon, just let me help carry it to your car. I mean, that’s a man’s job right, carry his girls bags?” he asked, grinning sleazily at her.

“I’m not your f*cking girl,” Lauren said, the edge in her voice slowly being replaced with a light tremble.

“Yeah? That sucks, you’re real pretty. I’d sure like for you to be,” the guy said, his grin not fading in the slightest. He lifted his hand, clearly reaching out for Lauren’s face when another voice cut through the air, clear and loud.

“What the f*cks going on here?”

Bella felt her legs almost immediately turn to jelly as she recognized the voice. The two guys looked up and down the parking lot at the speaker, and the incredulity in their faces almost wiped away the sleaze.

“Hey there! Nothing’s going on, we’re just helping get our girls shopping to the car. Women and their clothes, you know?” the first guy said with a chuckle.

“Yeah, no, I don’t think so,” came the reply, with footsteps quickly following.

“We don’t f*cking know these guys!” Lauren managed to shout.

The guy still holding onto Lauren’s bags made a grab for her, but the moment he did a loud crack echoed through the lot and he crumpled to the ground, his grip slackening on Lauren, who immediately took several steps back, taking Bella with her.

Rosalie Hale stood over the knocked-out man’s body, arms crossed as she glared daggers at the other man.

“You should probably get your buddy to the hospital. He’s got a bit of a concussion,” she hissed.

The man looked from his friend to Rosalie and puffed up his chest, and when Rosalie raised a questioning eyebrow at him he pulled a knife out of his waistband.

“Oh come on,” Rosalie muttered. “It’s a public f*cking parking lot. I know it’s mostly empty right now but still, how stupid are you?”

“Sh-shut the f*ck up, bitch!” the man said before rushing forward. Bella barely blinked before another loud crack was heard and the first man joined his friend on the ground, with Rosalie shaking her hand out and blowing on her knuckles.

“Holy sh*t,” Lauren breathed after a moment. “You just knocked those guys out cold.”

“Yeah, well, they were asking for it,” Rosalie muttered, crossing her arms again and turning towards Bella. Bella refused to meet her eyes, instead gripping tightly onto Lauren’s arm and keeping her eyes firmly pointed at Rosalie’s shoulder.

She saw Rosalie’s stance stiffen further, and when she gripped tighter onto Lauren she saw Rosalie’s lip curl slightly for only a moment before it passed and Rosalie was pulling a cell phone out.

“I should probably call the cops,” she muttered. “But instead I’m just going to call Carlisle.”

“Why not call the cops!? These f*ckers should be locked up!” Lauren blurted out. Rosalie pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Because I just gave these two excellent examples of humanity severe concussions and the cops can arrest them at the hospital just as easily as the parking lot,” Rosalie said patiently. She held the phone up to her ear and waited.

When Carlisle picked up, she started talking quickly.

“Got two for you. Yeah. Yeah. I’ll take care of them. No. I will take care of them. Yeah. Bye. See you soon.”

The phone was quickly back in her pocket and she was stepping over the unconscious men towards Lauren and Bella. When she was in front of them she bent over slightly.

“Mind if I touch your face?” she asked Lauren.

“What for?” Lauren asked suspiciously.

“I want to check you for shock. So I’m gonna check your pulse with your neck and look at your pupils, and I’m gonna ask you a few questions,” Rosalie explained patiently. Lauren slowly nodded, and Rosalie gently grasped her chin to hold her head in place as she took her pulse.

“What’s your name?” she asked.

“Lauren.”

“How old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

“Birthday?”

“Twelfth of April.”

“What’s twelve plus thirty-five?”

Lauren was quiet for a few seconds before answering.

“Uh. Forty-seven?”

Rosalie nodded and let her go.

“You seem okay. Obviously your pulse is up but that’s normal, but otherwise you seem alright enough to go home.”

“Okay, uh...what about Bella? She’s my ride,” Lauren said, looking at Bella and wincing a little. “And uh, she’s also kind of making my arm go numb. Oh and I guess she’s my friend and I’d like to make sure she’s okay too?”

Rosalie was quiet for a moment.

Bella looked down at the asphalt.

Slowly, Rosalie moved to stand in front of her and knelt down. Bella still refused to look at her eyes and focused on the asphalt behind her.

“Bella,” Rosalie said slowly, her voice even and quiet. “I’m going to touch your arm now, okay?”

Bella didn’t respond.

She felt cold fingers gently grasp her forearm and move it into a position where they could move to her wrist, feeling for her pulse. Her skin burned at the touch and Bella felt a powerful urge to collapse, to let go of Lauren and simply fall to the ground.

“Is she okay?” Lauren asked, a note of distress entering her voice.

“She’s in severe shock,” Rosalie said, her voice still completely level. “Very normal after a traumatic incident like that, but she’s definitely much worse for wear than average. Can you help get her...no, ugh, you said she was your ride?”

“Yeah, I can’t drive, I only have a permit,” Lauren fretted.

“sh*t,” Rosalie grumbled. “Hold on.”

She pulled her phone out again and made another call.

“Hi. It’s me. Come get your pet human. Bring Emmett, we need three licensed drivers. You take her to Carlisle, Emmett can take her friend home, and I’ll...bring the monster back to her father after finishing up here. No. No. Stop trying to argue with me.”

She hung up immediately after that.

“Okay. That will be solved momentarily. Where did you park?”

Lauren pointed towards the truck. Rosalie nodded.

“I’m this way. Listen, my brother and sister are coming to help. I have to bundle these two chucklef*cks into my backseat and take them to the hospital, my sister’s gonna take care of Bella and my brother Emmett is gonna drive you home. Alright?”

“Uh. Okay,” Lauren said nervously, taking another look at Bella. “Will...will she be okay? She’s had like, a really hard day already and it’s kinda partially my fault and I feel really bad…”

“She’ll be fine,” Rosalie said shortly. “Severe shock can make people...check out for a while. She probably needs to be monitored and she’ll probably have the mother of all panic attacks when she comes out of it, but she’ll be fine.”

“Okay. Um, she throws up when she has panic attacks so make sure she has a bag or a trash can,” Lauren said. “And she likes eating Ritz crackers afterwards to help with the aftertaste. She also prefers Sprite to ginger ale, she says ginger ale makes her tongue feel all dry and wonky.”

Somewhere in the recesses of Bella’s consciousness, she felt somewhat flattered that Lauren had noticed so many things about her and actually seemed to care so much. But mostly she was busy ignoring Rosalie.

A few more short words were exchanged between Lauren and Rosalie, but eventually they quieted down until a car pulled into the lot and slowly came to a stop next to them. The passenger side door was quickly flung open to reveal Alice, who shot out of the car like a cannonball and skidded to a halt next to Bella.

“Oh my gosh oh my gods oh my gods are you okay is everything alright what’s happened Bella?” Alice fretted, and suddenly her hands were everywhere, holding onto Bella’s arm and gently cupping her face, threading her fingers through her hair, checking her pulse in multiple places.

Lauren made a bit of a face but didn’t make any comments as Alice fussed. Rosalie’s face was stony as Emmett walked over to her.

“Oh boy,” Emmett sighed as he spotted the two crumpled bodies. “Are we…?”

“I am,” Rosalie said quietly. “Take her home.”

“Okie-dokie,” Emmett sighed. He turned to Lauren and smiled easily. “Hey. Lauren, right? I know you from school? I’m Emmett. Let’s get you home, yeah?”

“Uh...yeah,” Lauren said warily, taking one last look at Bella.

“She’ll be alright. Alice is gonna take her to our dad, he’s a doctor and he’s on shift at the hospital right now,” Emmett said patiently as he took Lauren’s bags from her. “Right now let’s get you home, I’m sure your parents are worried sick about you.”

Lauren snorted as she followed Emmett to the car.

“Not f*cking likely, I’d be surprised if you saw me at school the next day…” she muttered as she walked. Emmett frowned and started asking her questions, but Bella couldn’t hear them once they got into the car.

Then it was her and the Cullen sisters.

“Take my car,” Rosalie said to Alice, tossing her a set of keys. “Scratch it and I kill you.”

“Rose I really think you should - “

“Kill. You.”

Alice and Rosalie entered a glare-off where their expressions seemed to make constant micro-adjustments. Bella almost thought she could see their lips moving a little bit, as if they were whispering to each other.

Eventually their stand-off ended with Alice huffing loudly and carefully looping one arm through Bella’s and using her other hand to gather up the things that Bella had dropped.

“Come on Bella. Carlisle should look you over, okay?” she said gently.

Bella didn’t respond, but she allowed herself to be led to Rosalie’s car and bundled into the passenger seat. Alice put her things in the back and buckled her in before getting into the driver’s seat. As they drove off, Bella saw Rosalie out the car window hefting one of the unconscious men over her shoulder in a fireman’s carry.

They were quiet all the way to the hospital.

~~~~~

Bella could hear them outside of her room.

“Severe shock...suspected post-traumatic stress incident...physically not a scratch, but mentally…”

Carlisle Cullen had given her a cursory inspection with Alice hovering, and had declared her perfectly fine, physically. They set her up in a bed and left her mostly alone, but Bella knew Alice hadn’t moved from outside her door.

Charlie was out there now, Bella knew. She had heard his voice asking Carlisle what happened, and now Carlisle was speaking to him.

A few minutes later the door opened and Charlie came up to the bedside, sighing heavily as he reached out to run a hand through Bella’s hair.

“Hey, kiddo,” he said quietly. “I’m gonna take you home now, alright? Carlisle’s other daughter, Rosalie, she dropped your truck off for you so don’t worry about that.”

Bella nodded. Charlie sighed in relief that she was at least somewhat responsive, and helped her out of the bed.

As he led her out of the room and down the hallway, Bella looked up.

Alice was standing next to Carlisle, and both of them were staring after her.

Jasper was there too. An arm around Alice’s shoulders, and he too was staring after Bella with concern etched onto his face. Leaning against the wall, shadowed behind them, was Edward. He wasn’t turned directly towards her, but she could practically feel his eyes flicking in her direction.

She couldn’t tell if it was nice of them all to worry, or if it was entirely too strange.

~~~~~

Bella’s dreams that night were fitful.

~~~

“Don’t know...she’s there, but I can’t…”

…

“Bella, can you hear me?”

…

“Bella?”

…

“I’m almost positive she can hear me but I’m getting nothing back...interference should be gone now, I don’t know…”

…

“Bella. Bella, if you can hear me, I just need you to take a few more steps. You’re almost there.”

…

“You know you can’t. It has to be me. I’m sorry.”

…

“Bella, talk to me. Just a few more steps. Bella?”

…

“Bella?”

~~~

“Bella?”

Bella flung herself forwards in her bed, her lungs burning with panic as she heaved breath in and out of them. Hands were immediately on her back stroking small circles as she breathed, and when she calmed down enough to remember where she was, she looked with confusion at their owner.

“I came after school to check if you were okay. We’re all really worried about you,” Lauren said meekly. She was sat on Bella’s bed next to her. “Sorry to wake you up like that, but you were tossing and turning really badly. Your dad opened the door when I knocked and said I could come upstairs and see if you were awake, and when I knocked on the door I thought I heard you crying. So uh, I came in. Sorry.”

Bella stared blankly for a few moments before letting out a long, steady breath and nodding.

“Yeah, hey,” she rasped. She coughed a few times to clear her throat. “I’m uh, yeah. Hanging in there. Are you okay?”

“I’m a lot better than you,” Lauren observed, grimacing sympathetically. “You kinda just shut down there. Not that like, I blame you or whatever, that sh*t was f*cking scary. I guess you got home okay though. The little Cullen was really fussing over you.”

Bella blinked.

“Yeah, uh, Alice does that. She’s a good...a good friend,” Bella said, frowning as she ran through things in her head. Didn’t she just…?

Her dream.

It felt important again.

“I guess she’s not all that bad,” Lauren mumbled. “I uh, I saw her in the hallway today and she looked kinda f*cked up. I asked her if she knew anything about you and she just shook her head.”

“I should text her,” Bella said idly. Lauren started talking again, informing Bella of everything ‘interesting’ that happened that she missed out on today, but Bella’s mind was elsewhere.

What was that dream again?

She felt like she should remember it.

Her mind flickered back to the previous evening. She ran her hand up the spots on her arm where Rosalie had touched her, and remembered the burning feeling on her skin.

“Hey,” she said quietly, interrupting Lauren mid-sentence. “I really appreciate you coming to check on me, but I think I’m still like...yknow…”

“You...oh, yeah, totally,” Lauren said, quickly standing up and straightening herself out. “I uh, yeah. I hope you feel better soon, and sh*t.”

“Yeah. You too,” Bella said quietly. “I’ll text you okay?”

“Okay,” Lauren nodded. She made to leave Bella’s room before pausing and turning around. “Hey uh...just like, for what it’s worth, despite the sh*tty bookends, I had fun hanging out with you. You’re like...kinda cool, and stuff.”

Bella gave her a wan smile.

“You sure you’re okay? I think someone should make sure that you haven’t been pod-peopled and that the real Lauren isn’t buried in her mom’s backyard,” Bella snarked lightly.

Lauren chuckled.

“Yeah okay f*ck you too Swan. You better text me updates on how you’re doing or I’m gonna bury you back there with her,” Lauren said, rolling her eyes.

“I will,” Bella said quietly.

Lauren nodded and left her room, closing the door gently behind her.

Bella got her phone out and texted Alice.

Bella [5:02 p.m.]: Hey.

Alice [5:02 p.m.]: Bella hi hello are you okay!? Do you need anything? Do you want me to come over and sit with you or cheer you up?

Bella smiled softly.

Bella [5:02 p.m.]: I’m alive. Thanks for the help last night.

Alice [5:02 p.m.]: Of course!! Anything you need! How are you holding up though?

Bella [5:05 p.m.]: Like I said, I’m alive. All I can really ask for right now. I’ll be fine, that was just...let’s just say it was an all-too-familiar situation.

Alice [5:05 p.m.]: :(((((

Alice [5:05 p.m.]: Just remember that you are loved and that people care about you and that you can always reach out if you need anything. Is it okay if I give Emmett and Jasper your number? They keep asking me about you.

Bella [5:08 p.m.]: Yeah that’s fine. You can tell Emmett that I said not to worry, this won’t affect my Mario Kart skills and I’ll still beat his ass no matter how much he practices. It’s my god-given gift.

Alice [5:10 p.m.]: Emmett says ‘I’m glad she’s alright but it is SO on’. He’s probably about to text you now.

Sure enough, a new number popped up on Bella’s notifications only a few seconds after Alice’s text arrived.

Unknown Number [5:10 p.m.]: JUST U WAIT SWAN I AM GONNA TRAIN LIKE GOKU FOR THIS

Bella laughed and shook her head.

Bella [5:11 p.m.]: I’m gonna beat you so bad you’ll feel ashamed to own thumbs.

Emmett [5:14 p.m.]: GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Then another new text a few moments after that.

Unknown Number [5:10 p.m.]: Hello Bella. This is Jasper Hale. I’m glad to hear from Alice that your condition is improving, and I wanted to offer my sympathies for the experience you went through the other night.

Bella [5:11 p.m.]: Aw thanks Jasper. I’m just glad your sister was there to help. I’ll be alright though.

Jasper [5:13 p.m.]: I’m glad about that too. Feel free to let us know if you need anything at all. We’re all here to help you if you need it.

Bella [5:14 p.m.]: Jeez, way to make a girl feel like she left an impression on all of you.

Jasper [5:14 p.m.]: What can I say? You’re easy to care about.

Bella [5:15 p.m.]: Yknow, I think that’s the sweetest compliment I’ve ever been given. Thank you Jasper, seriously.

Jasper [5:16 p.m.]: You’re very welcome.

Bella stretched out and stood up. She needed to eat something. Her stomach felt like a hollow pit.

When she went downstairs, she saw a folded up piece of paper on the counter with her name written on it. Frowning, she picked it up and took a look. Charlie walked into the kitchen, pausing in surprise when he saw her and then smiling in relief.

“Glad to see you up and about. Lauren said you were up now and talking.”

“Yeah, hey Charlie. What’s this?” Bella asked, frowning.

“Oh, that girl Rosalie left that on your truck I think. It was there after she brought it back,” Charlie commented. “Nice girl. Gave me a few pointers about the truck, said the engine was going bad. I made a note to talk to Billy about it, I remember him mentioning something about not being able to find the best engine in time for you to get here.”

Bella opened the note.

“Dear Truck Abuser -

I have delivered your abomination to your home without causing it any further suffering. I would request that you feel a sufficient level of gratitude that I tolerated its presence long enough to do so.

The men who caused me to be in close proximity with your ungodly behemoth have been dealt with and will not be seeing the light of day for a long time if I have my way about it.

I don’t like you or the way you treat cars but nobody should have to go through that. I hope you feel alright soon.

- Rosalie Hale”

“What’d she say?” Charlie asked curiously.

Bella snorted.

“She gave me a preemptive ‘you’re welcome’ for taking my truck home and told me that the assholes from yesterday are gonna be locked up. She hopes I feel better soon,” Bella said, folding up the note and tucking it into her pocket.

“Good. Serves them right. She told me about what happened when she dropped your truck off,” Charlie said, a dark look crossing his face. “I’m glad it was her dealing with it and not me. I’m not so sure I’d have a job right now otherwise.”

“Ah c’mon Charlie, how many years have you been doing this? I’m sure you know all the tricks,” Bella said, snickering lightly. Charlie rolled his eyes.

“I’m just glad they didn’t actually touch you,” he grumbled lowly.

Bella softened and walked around the counter, standing side by side with him and putting an arm gingerly around his waist, bumping her hip against his.

“I’m alright,” she said quietly. “Hell of a mental setback but, I’m alright. It could have been a lot worse, and thankfully Rosalie was there to punch their lights out.”

“Oh is that what she did?” Charlie said, his face brightening immensely. “She just said she got them arrested. I’m much happier with this knowledge now.”

“Oh yeah. f*cking knocked them right across the skull with one punch,” Bella said with a wry chuckle. “Girl might not look it but she must have a freakin’ cannon hiding in that arm.”

Charlie grinned and lightly ruffled Bella’s hair.

“Sounds like my kind of girl,” he laughed. “Now, what do you say we get some dinner? There’s this new Chinese place I keep hearing about…”

Bella groaned at the thought of cheap Chinese food but allowed Charlie to cajole her into it. The entire time she was eating though, she couldn’t stop her mind from circling back and forth between two things.

The note in her pocket, and the dream she couldn’t remember.

And behind both of them, a looming sense that something big was on the horizon. It was a vague, hazy sensation, one that Bella attributed mostly to anxiety and latent neuron-firings from her PTSD episode the previous evening.

But she couldn’t shake it.

Deep in her bones, she could feel it.

Something was coming.

And whatever it was, Bella was all wrapped up in it.

Chapter 7: God Called Off Today, And I Don't Know What To Tell You (I'm Sorry)

Chapter Text

Bella’s life, despite recent upendings, slowly became something almost resembling normality. When she had finally felt well enough to return to school a few days later she didn’t know what to expect. Part of her expected the entire school to be lambasting her with hom*ophobic slurs and to be barred entry, while the other part of her scolded herself for thinking that.

But, to Bella’s guilty surprise, Lauren hadn’t told a single soul about the conversation they had in the car. In their conversations via text since then it hadn’t been brought up at all, and after a few days of wariness and feeling constantly on edge, the fear of the other shoe dropping slowly slid out of Bella’s muscles.

Of course, she had been naive to think that just because one problem had seemingly been resolved that her life would be problem-free. Because a new problem always had to arrive in the land of Bella Swan, and this next problem was tall and moody, with messy brown hair and eyes that lingered for uncomfortable lengths on Bella.

This next problem was named Edward Cullen.

It started one week after her return to school, when her nerves had just started to settle and she had accepted that nobody was going to jump out from behind a corner and hate-crime her. She was walking to her biology class, and found him leaning against the classroom door in the hall.

She slowed her pace as she felt her heart rate immediately speed up.

Edward hadn’t tried to speak to her again since their first meeting. Her lunches with Alice had resumed their every-other-day schedule neatly, except now she was often accompanied by one of either Jasper or Emmett. Bella wondered if they were trading in order to avoid overwhelming her, which she was thankful for.

But Edward and Rosalie had both kept their distance in the school, with one key difference.

Where Rosalie had resumed ignoring Bella entirely, not acknowledging her whatsoever despite several curious glances being tossed her way from Bella, Edward had gone in the opposite direction and had taken to staring at Bella.

Always with a slightly pensive look on his face, like he was trying to puzzle something out about her. When she would sit in the cafeteria with Lauren and her friends, an event that had become much more tolerable since her and Lauren had rapidly grown closer since the mall, he would stare at the both of them, eyes flicking back and forth between herself and Lauren.

Bella hadn’t bothered mentioning it to anyone. She figured it would pass eventually, but of course it had to be wishful thinking.

“Bella,” Edward greeted her cordially, once again fixing her with a curious, pensive stare. “How are you today?”

Her heart once again was hammering in her chest, but this time she couldn’t just turn and walk away from him. He was between her and her class, and to get through the door she had to go past him.

“Fine. What do you want?” she asked cautiously, shifting her backpacks position on her shoulder. She fiddled with the strap to burn off some of the nervous energy that was quickly mounting, and Edward’s lips turned slightly downwards.

“They’re blood-testing today,” he murmured. “Alice mentioned your...distaste towards seeing blood, and I had this class in the period prior to you. I decided to stay behind and warn you.”

Bella grimaced. She definitely couldn’t go to class if that’s what they were doing, and her anxiety spiked again at the thought of missing class without permission. What should she do?

In her panicked spike of adrenaline, she completely glossed over the fact that she hadn’t actually told Alice anything of the sort. She couldn’t remember doing so, and would later assume that she must have just forgotten mentioning it.

“You can go to the nurse and get an exemption if you need to,” Edward continued smoothly, pushing himself off the wall and taking a few paces towards Bella. “Shall I escort you?”

“That’s fine,” Bella said quickly, shaking her head. “I’ll be fine.”

Edward frowned again and tilted his head.

“But you don’t know where the nurse’s office is, do you?” he asked. “You haven’t been.”

“How would you know if I’ve been or not?” Bella asked, narrowing her eyes.

Edward just shrugged.

“Am I wrong?” he asked.

“Look, man - “ Bella started, only for Edward to interrupt her.

“Why do you avoid me, out of all my family? Have I done something to offend you? If I have I apologize, and would like to start a clean slate…” Edward said, his frown deepening slightly. “You greet my siblings so casually in the halls now, and Alice speaks of you constantly. Emmett will not cease babbling about his ‘rematch of the century’ with you over some...racing simulation.”

Bella forced herself to breathe in through her mouth and exhale through her nose. All the hairs on her neck were standing up, and she took a step back. Edward matched it, taking a pace forward.

“I’m not avoiding you. I just don’t know you,” Bella said, her voice shaking slightly.

“Then I’d like to remedy that,” Edward said, straightening up and holding a hand out. “Edward Cullen. My siblings make you sound...so intriguing. I’d like to find out for myself, if you’re willing.”

Bella was not willing, but she also couldn’t quite figure out a polite way to say that without being forced to give a reason, and she wasn’t entirely sure Edward would respond positively to her saying; ‘I don’t want to get to know you because your presence makes me have near-panic attacks’.

Mostly because it sounded crazy even to her, and she had no clue what to make of it all.

So, slowly, hesitantly, she reached a hand out and quickly grasped his for a shake.

When she shook his hand, Edward took a sudden inhale through his nose in a way that made Bella shiver unconsciously. He blinked a few times before letting go of her hand, quickly putting his hands in his pockets and jerking his head in a direction down the hallway.

“The nurse’s office is this way. Come, I’ll show you.”

“...Fine, sure,” Bella muttered. Edward smiled for the first time since Bella had met him, and she wasn’t quite sure it did much to improve his looks. He didn’t so much look happy as he did ‘mildly triumphant’ and it made Bella’s nerves even worse.

She followed behind him as he asked her questions about herself, to which she provided short, vague answers.

The only comfort she had during the entire interaction was that he didn’t try to touch her again, and in fact kept his hands firmly in his pockets. When they arrived at the nurse’s office, Edward leaned on the door-frame.

“I’ll wait for you,” he said quietly.

“That’s fine, you don’t need to,” Bella replied quickly.

“I want to,” he insisted.

Once again, Bella couldn’t find a way out that wasn’t staggeringly impolite, so instead she just ducked inside the nurse’s office. At least he wasn’t insisting on coming in with her.

The nurse was a middle-aged woman, and after Bella explained that her Bio class was doing blood-testing that day and she couldn’t handle blood, she received a sympathetic look and an exemption note to present the teacher with the next time she was in his class. Because she waited until the day of the class she would still technically be marked with an absent, but a hopefully temporary one.

Bella hesitated for a moment before leaving, but was ushered out when the nurse looked at her curiously and asked if she needed something else.

Edward was still there, almost in the exact same position Bella had left him.

“Did you get your note?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Bella said.

“Excellent. Shall we find somewhere to sit while we wait for the period to end?” Edward offered.

Bella just stared at him for a moment before sighing and shrugging.

“Yeah. I guess.”

Edward looked a bit less triumphant at her response this time, but the worst of Bella’s nerves were slowly starting to drain away at least. She still felt extremely on-edge around him, and still didn’t have a good reason for it, but she allowed him to lead her to an area nearby the front office that had some chairs.

He quickly explained away their presence to the woman at the front office before joining Bella, sitting down and leaving exactly one empty seat between them.

“I wanted to offer my sympathies for your...experience the other night,” he said after a moment. “I was hoping you would be by the house again so I could tell you so there, but you haven’t been by.”

“Thanks. And yeah, Alice hasn’t invited me again. I think she’s just being really fussy over me,” Bella mumbled.

“Well, allow me to grant you a standing invitation any evening you’d like to come by,” Edward said smoothly. “You’re always welcome in our home, Bella.”

“...thanks,” Bella said awkwardly, pulling her knees up to her chest.

Edward smiled again at that and straightened his back a little.

“I was also curious, since Alice hasn’t mentioned...when is your birthday, Bella?” Edward asked.

Bella blinked.

“Uh, September. Already happened. Why?”

“Well that’s unacceptable,” Edward said with a slight pout. “Did you even get to celebrate? You were moving here to Forks in September weren’t you?”

“I uh. I mean, I had dinner with Charlie I guess,” Bella said awkwardly. “But it was kind of busy with me moving in and everything. We didn’t do much else.”

“I can’t harbor that,” Edward scoffed. “Please, allow me to invite you to my home after class this Friday. We’ll have a proper celebration.”

Bella looked at Edward in utter befuddlement, trying to figure out his game. He barely knew her, although he seemed to desperately want to, and now he was offering to throw her a late birthday party?

“I mean, it’s fine, I don’t really like celebrating my birthday…” Bella said awkwardly.

“Nonsense. Everyone loves their birthday,” Edward said dismissively.

“I don’t,” Bella replied a bit shortly.

“Then I suppose I’ll take it upon myself to change your mind,” he said, his tone still dismissive and irritably confident. “My mother would absolutely love to do it, she adores a good party. And I’m sure my siblings would enjoy a chance to celebrate you before having to wait another year, so what do you say?”

“Do I have a choice?” Bella asked sarcastically.

“Of course you do! But I’d be quite disappointed if you said no,” Edward chuckled, seeming to not even register the sarcasm.

Bella sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

“Fine. Whatever, yeah. I’ll come. I’d like to see Esme again I guess, she was really nice and Alice said she’s been really worried about me since Port Angeles.”

“Excellent,” Edward said. “I’ll pick you up Friday morning and take you to school, then you’ll come back to my home with me.”

“Whoa, whoa, I didn’t agree to that,” Bella said. “I have my own car. I’ll be fine.”

“Hmm. It’s not very gentlemanly of me to make a lady chauffeur herself to her own party, but your truck does infuriate Rosalie…” Edward said quietly to himself, thinking. Bella once again found herself feeling utterly confused by his attitude, having no idea what to think of this entire situation.

“I’m not doing it to irritate your sister I’m doing it because I can drive myself,” Bella said with a hint of acid. Edward finally seemed to pick up on her irritation and frowned.

“Now Bella there’s no need for that. I’m simply doing what would be proper.”

“Does this like, really do it for the girls you talk to?” Bella asked, partially out of actual curiosity and partially because she was irritated and wanted to needle him. “This whole like, immediately diving into telling them what to do shtick?”

“What? Bella what on earth are you talking about? I’m just trying to do the right thing,” Edward said, his voice clipped and his face hardening a little.

“I thought Alice said your parents were the old-fashioned ones,” Bella grumbled. “This is so last century, dude.”

Edward looked actually offended by that, which both made Bella feel immensely satisfied and somewhat nervous. She didn’t actually want to piss him off too badly, because he was Alice’s brother, but he was really starting to get on her nerves. And she was still anxious as hell to be near him, which was also starting to piss her off.

“Are you saying you would respond better to more modern forms of courting?” he asked.

Bella’s brain actually short circuited at that statement a little, and she just blankly stared at him for a few moments before blurting out her response.

“Have you been trying to flirt with me this whole time!?”

Edward frowned.

“I believe so, yes? I am expressing interest in you as a person, and would like to get to know you better and perhaps take you out on a date sometime.”

“Oh my god,” Bella groaned, putting her face in her hands. “Dude, no. Not never happening nope never nada zilch. Abandon ship now, bail, dip, abort mission. Just. No.”

Edward was quiet for a few moments, and when Bella peeked between her fingers she saw him staring at her, a complicated flurry of emotions crossing his face. Confusion, hurt, a bit of anger and betrayal. She felt her whole body tense as she got ready to stand up.

“May I ask...why?” he eventually said in a strained, stony voice.

“Because I’m not interested,” Bella said flatly.

“I see,” Edward said quietly. He thought for a few moments and stood up. “I suppose I’ll just have to figure out what will interest you, then.”

“No, that’s not - “ Bella started.

“Have a nice day, Bella,” Edward said politely, dipping his head in a polite nod before walking out of the room.

Bella sat frozen in the chair until the bell rang, jolting her out of her stunned state. She pulled out her phone and immediately started texting Alice.

Bella [1:45 p.m.]: Cullen start talking right the f*ck now why is your brother being f*cking weird and trying to ask me out in the weirdest way possible and when told in several different manners ‘no’ instead interpreted it as ‘I am challenging you to interest me’??????

Alice [1:45 p.m.]: Uh oh.

Bella [1:50 p.m.]: WHAT THE f*ck DO YOU MEAN UH OH

Bella [1:50 p.m.]: THIS IS NOT AN UH OH SITUATION THIS IS A YOUR BROTHER IS DELUSIONAL SITUATION

Alice [1:50 p.m.]: I’m sorry!!! I didn’t know he was going to do that! You two haven’t even talked since you met the other evening at the house so I wasn’t expecting anything to happen!

Bella [1:53 p.m.]: I am freaking the f*ck out right now. I told him straight up that I was not interested and he said to me and I f*cking quote; “I suppose I’ll just have to figure out what will interest you, then.”

Bella [1:54 p.m.]: DEFCON YUCK. WHAT THE HELL, MAN.

Alice [1:54 p.m.]: Oh dear. I did warn you that he was stubborn.

Bella [1:58 p.m.]: congratulations you get a medal now what the f*ck do I do

Alice [1:58 p.m.]: I don’t know!

Bella [2:00 p.m.]: WTF DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T KNOW

Alice [2:00 p.m.]: Despite what you seem to believe here I do not control Edward! And trust me sometimes I wish I could!

Alice [2:00 p.m.]: For what it’s worth I don’t think he’s going to hurt you. He’s just...he has a bit of a crush. That’s all.

Bella [2:02 p.m.]: a bit of a crush she says

Bella [2:02 p.m.]: mister “would you respond better to modern forms of courtship” shows like thirty bajillion red flags in the span of like, forty-five minutes and she says he has ‘a bit of a crush’

Alice [2:02 p.m.]: I really don’t know what you want me to do here Bella :(

Bella [2:04 p.m.]: idk. a little heads up would have been nice if you knew he had this weirdo ass crush.

Alice [2:04 p.m.]: Duly noted. If any of my other brothers develop a crush on you I will inform you as soon as I am aware.

Bella [2:10 p.m.]: that’s helpful thank you. meanwhile I am going to probably go fake my death or something.

Alice [2:10 p.m.]: Bella I think you’re being a little overdramatic here. He’s just interested in you, he’s not going to hurt you.

Bella [2:13 p.m.]: when they find my body in a ditch five months from now I want you to remember that sentence!

Alice [2:13 p.m.]: Bella!!

Bella [2:13 p.m.]: ditch!!!!!!!!!!!

Bella groaned in frustration and put her phone away for the rest of the class, pulling it out again afterwards to text a different Cullen.

Bella [2:46 p.m.]: how do I make Edward listen to me?

Emmett [2:48 p.m.]: ….? What?

Bella [2:48 p.m.]: he asked me out earlier and I said no and he took it as a challenge. how do I actually make him listen.

Emmett [2:50 p.m.]: You said no?

Bella [2:52 p.m.]: that’s so not the point of this conversation but yes I said no. how do I make HIM understand that.

Emmett [2:53 p.m.]: Huh. Why’d you say no?

Bella [2:54 p.m.]: ???? because I am not interested???

Emmett [2:55 p.m.]: Huh.

Bella [2:56 p.m.]: are you going to help me or are you going to keep asking stupid questions

Emmett [2:59 p.m.]: I dunno bro. Edward is pretty stubborn. If I could get him to do what I wanted I’d get him to play Halo with me.

Bella [3:00 p.m.]: great cool yeah that helps a lot

Emmett [3:01 p.m.]: Sorry Bella. :(

“Third time’s the charm. I f*cking hope,” Bella muttered darkly as she texted the final Cullen in her phone.

Bella [3:05 p.m.]: please tell me you know how to make Edward listen to something and not completely make up words in his own head

Jasper [3:06 p.m.]: What happened?

Bella [3:07 p.m.]: He asked me out earlier, I said no, he did not hear no and instead heard that I wanted him to try harder to interest me. Help.

Jasper [3:07 p.m.]: You’re not interested in him?

Bella [3:08 p.m.]: the next person who is more confused by my lack of interest than his lack of ability to understand English is getting Nair in their shampoo bottle.

Jasper [3:08 p.m.]: Sorry. I thought you had a thing.

Bella [3:10 p.m.]: why. why the f*ck would you think that. what have I done to deserve that, jasper, why would you do that to me. No I do not have a ‘thing’ for Edward what the f*ck.

Jasper [3:11 p.m.]: I am very sorry for the assumptions. The way Edward described your initial meeting was much more...indicative of a thing.

Bella [3:12 p.m.]: oh god please don’t tell me your brother is one of those weirdos that thinks because a girl talked to him once that she’s madly in love with him.

Jasper [3:12 p.m.]: He isn’t. Usually.

Bella [3:14 p.m.]: the fact that you said ‘usually’ does not make me feel better.

Jasper [3:15 p.m.]: I really am sorry to ask this but, are you positive you’re not interested in him? He was quite thoroughly convinced when talking about you before.

Bella [3:15 p.m.]: let me answer your question with a question. do you value your testicl*s?

Jasper [3:16 p.m.]: ...pardon?

Bella [3:16 p.m.]: because if you do in fact, value your testicl*s, an excellent way to keep them intact is to not question a woman when she says she is not interested in a man. food for thought :)

Jasper [3:18 p.m.]: The fact that you made a smile ominous frightens me. But I understand and will refrain from that line of questioning in the future. What do you need?

Bella [3:20 p.m.]: MAKE EDWARD UNDERSTAND NO MEANS NO

Jasper [3:21 p.m.]: Understood. I’ll have a talk with him.

Bella [3:21 p.m.]: thank f*cking god finally. you’re my new favorite Cullen.

Jasper [3:22 p.m.]: My last name is Hale technically, remember?

Bella [3:22 p.m.]: you’re already my favorite Hale so repeating that is irrelevant. you get to have Alice’s spot for now.

Jasper [3:23 p.m.]: Ah. I see. Why exactly do I have Alice’s spot?

Bella [3:24 p.m.]: Because Alice said I’m being dramatic and that he’s “not going to hurt me, it’s just a little crush” so I’m punishing her by giving you her spot.

Jasper [3:25 p.m.]: Ah.

Jasper [3:25 p.m.]: I’ll talk to her as well. She and Edward are...close. She doesn’t want to see him hurt, or think badly of him. Don’t think too badly of her for it.

Bella [3:26 p.m.]: what about you? he’s your brother too but you aren’t saying stuff like that.

Jasper [3:27 p.m.]: Despite certain opinions within the family, Edward is not a golden calf. Just because I don’t seek active confrontation with him doesn’t mean I’m blind to his faults.

Bella [3:30 p.m.]: huh. that’s surprisingly candid of you.

Jasper [3:31 p.m.]: He’s still my brother and I care about him. Which is why I’m going to have a talk with him. We all have our faults.

Bella went home that day feeling slightly better about it all, but she also found herself emotionally exhausted and wondering when the hell her life got so complicated. The answer to that question, of course, was the day she met Alice Cullen, but she couldn’t truthfully say that she would be willing to give up all the good that came from that day to give up the bad and complicated.

She did her homework and made dinner. Charlie was taking a late shift, so she packed up leftovers for him in a cleaned-up takeout container and stuck it in the fridge with a sticky note on it explaining what it was and what was in it.

Her nightly routine was dominated by thoughts of the Cullens. She liked them well enough and was happy she met them, but dealing with the ones that she liked was already exhausting. She had no idea what she was going to do if Edward couldn’t get the word ‘no’ through his head.

Around ten-thirty at night her phone buzzed, this time not with a text, but with a phone call. Frowning, Bella looked at the caller ID to see Alice’s name, and picked up.

“Yeah?” Bella asked. “What’s up? Everything okay? You never call.”

“Bella?” Alice asked quietly, her voice small.

“...yeah?” Bella asked, her heart skipping a beat at the tone of Alice’s voice; strained and tight, like a guitar string tuned too tightly and about to snap.

“I need you to look out your window for me,” Alice said. Her voice was quiet. Too quiet. Bella had to strain her ears to hear it.

“Uh. You’re kinda freaking me out, dude. What’s going on?” Bella asked, slowly sliding herself out of bed. Her blinds had been closed all evening, she had done her homework by the lamp on her desk.

“Please, Bella?” Alice asked, still practically whispering.

“Okay…” Bella said, inching close to her window. Pressing herself flat against the wall on the left side of the window frame, she carefully lifted up the edge of the blinds and looked outside. The sun had long since set, and the clouds obscured most of the moonlight, but Charlie had a few motion-activated lights outside that had turned on. Bella was used to that, it was usually wildlife. He had a couple cameras out there too and liked to watch what the animals did at night.

Bella’s favorite was a raccoon that liked to put his face right in front of the camera while he ate something he fished out of the garbage.

“What am I looking for?” she mumbled.

“If I tell you, will you promise to stay quiet, on the line, and not freak out?” Alice asked firmly.

“Alice what the f*ck - “

“You can’t react. Okay?” Alice insisted, still somehow keeping her voice to the level where Bella could only just barely hear her.

“You better have a damn f*cking good explanation for all this. Fine,” Bella hissed.

“Promise?”

“I promise Alice now what the hell - “

“It’s Edward.”

Bella froze for half a second before schooling her features and shoving down the wave of acid and nausea building in her guts. Before she even recognized what she was doing, a switch was thrown in her head and it was like iron grates slammed down around her mind. Everything started feeling a bit fuzzy, like she was being wrapped in wool.

“Okay. I’m looking,” she said, keeping her voice just as quiet now. Her voice managed to stay steady, and she scanned what she could see of the yard. “It’s dark so I can’t see much but Charlie’s motion lights aren’t showing anything.”

“Keep looking,” Alice said.

“Wanna explain what’s going on yet?” Bella asked, feeling her emotions start to detach from her body. Somewhere inside of her she was screaming, but all the turmoil and anxiety did little more than rattle against the iron grates. It was building and it would come to a head, but for now she was still in control.

“Jasper and Edward had a fight,” Alice said quietly. “About...you.”

“You weren’t the only one I asked for help,” Bella grumbled.

“I don’t blame you,” Alice said quickly. “But it escalated and...things were said, and we can’t find Edward.”

“Okay. Should I tell Charlie?” Bella asked.

“No! No, don’t do that,” Alice said. “Would it...can one of us come pick you up, and bring you here? For the night?”

“...I thought you said Edward wouldn’t hurt me,” Bella said after a moment.

“He won’t. I hope. I think. I don’t know, he’s...he’s never done this before,” Alice fretted, and Bella could tell she was starting to slip a little as her voice raised slightly. “I’ve never seen...I’ve never heard him like that…”

Bella was quiet for a moment.

“Would it make you feel better if I was with you right now?” she eventually asked, still looking out her window.

“Yes,” Alice said with a sharp inhale.

“Then I’ll come. Charlie took a late shift but I heard him get home about thirty minutes ago, and I really don’t think Edward would actually be able to do anything while he’s here because since I moved in Charlie started sleeping with a gun under his pillow but...I’ll do it for you,” Bella said quietly. “On one condition.”

“Name it,” Alice said with a huge sigh of relief.

“You explain what the f*ck is going on,” Bella said sharply. “Because, look, I didn’t want to say anything, but some weird sh*t has been happening with you and your family. At first it was whatever, none of my business, you know? But then that f*cking weird sh*t happens with your sister, who just so happens to show up when I’m in trouble, and now I’m having weird f*cking dreams - “

“Dreams?” Alice asked.

“Yes, dreams! Weird ones! I didn’t get dreams like this before I met you and your family!” Bella hissed. “And don’t you dare lie to me and say nothing is going on because I’m not stupid, Alice.”

Alice was quiet for several minutes before answering.

“Emmett and I are on our way. I’ll...I’ll tell you what I can,” she sighed.

“Good enough for me,” Bella snapped lightly.

“Stay on the line until I get there? Please?” Alice fretted.

“Sure,” Bella said, her irritation melting slightly at the genuine distress in Alice’s tone.

“For what it’s worth I’m sorry,” Alice said with a light sniffle. Bella could hear the background noise of car doors slamming and an engine starting up. “I didn’t mean for it to go like this.”

“Hey, like you said, you can’t control your brother,” Bella said with a sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I shouldn’t have acted like it would be your fault if he did something. That was sh*tty of me.”

“But you don’t understand, it is my fault!” Alice whined. “I could have...ugh! I’m so stupid.”

“Stop that,” Bella said firmly. “You’re a lot of things Alice Cullen. You’re impulsive and silly and really really f*cking weird, but one thing you aren’t is stupid. And even if you were, I wouldn’t care.”

Alice sniffled again.

“Promise?” she asked weakly.

“Promise. You are my wife after all,” Bella said lightly. Alice chuckled and hiccuped at the same time.

“I thought you were done with that joke,” she said with a slight giggle.

“Yeah but it made you laugh,” Bella said quietly. “And it sounds like you need that right now.”

Alice was about to reply when Bella caught movement out of the corner of her eye. The big tree was the only notable ‘landmark’ in the yard, and it sat just outside the motion lights, shrouded in darkness. She was pretty sure Charlie had done that on purpose, to not disturb the squirrels and birds that slept in it.

But something in the shadows had moved, just for a moment. At first she wondered if she was just paranoid, but then a different set of motion lights flicked on.

She couldn’t see what had caused it. It might have been a small animal, a mouse or a rabbit maybe. But something made Bella’s skin feel cold and her hairs stand up, and somewhere she dully recognized the same feelings from the other times Edward had been physically near her.

“Alice,” Bella murmured.

“What? We’re about five minutes away,” Alice said quickly.

“He’s here,” Bella breathed.

“You saw him!?” Alice asked, her voice pitching up harshly, but somehow she managed to keep her volume low.

“No. But I can tell,” Bella said quietly, keeping her eyes on the yard. “Something moved and set off the second set of lights. I can’t see what it was but...I can feel it in my gut.”

“We’re almost there,” Alice said. “We’re pulling onto your street now.”

“I thought you said five minutes?” Bella asked, frowning.

“Took a shortcut,” Alice said quickly, and then Bella saw the headlights on the road. She dropped the blinds and quickly threw a bag together before opening the door to make her way quietly downstairs. When she came into the hallway she bumped into Charlie, who had just finished coming up the stairs.

“Bella? You alright?” Charlie asked, blinking in surprise at Bella’s sudden appearance in the hallway. Her mind whirled for an excuse.

“Alice is having a really bad night so I’m gonna go to her place and spend the night,” she said quickly.

“Oh. It’s a school night, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Charlie asked, frowning. “I mean I know you’re eighteen and all but you still have to be responsible…”

“I’ll be fine Charlie,” Bella said with a half-smile. “My grades are doing great, even with the little setback from before. Besides, isn’t this what you were talking about? Putting myself out there a little more if I want real friends? Wouldn’t you have done this for Billy if he needed you on a school night?”

Charlie frowned and stroked his chin.

“Y’know, I liked it when you were shorter and didn’t know how to spell Wednesday,” Charlie grumbled. “You weren’t so smart back then.”

Bella grinned, knowing she had the go-ahead.

“Thanks Charlie,” she said quietly. “Alice is gonna drive me to school tomorrow so it’ll be fine. They’re pulling into the driveway now actually, I think. Her and her brother.”

“Oh? Which one?” Charlie asked.

“Emmett,” Bella said.

“Oh, that one. I wish he would join the football team, maybe we’d actually score a few wins for once,” Charlie grumbled.

“Bella, we’re here,” she heard Alice say from the phone. “You coming?”

“I’ll pass on the message,” Bella said to her dad. “But I gotta go. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Charlie said, nodding. “Thanks for dinner by the way. That was good.”

“No problem,” Bella said over her shoulder as she slung her bag over her shoulder, taking the steps two at a time. Her ability to remain mentally present was starting to waver as her heart began to pound heavily, and she felt short of breath as she made her way to the door, eyes constantly flicking to the windows.

When she stepped outside Alice was immediately there by her side, holding tightly onto her arm and pulling her towards the car.

“Whoa, jeez, slow down I’m coming!” Bella yelped as she was dragged across the driveway. The car’s headlights were shining into the woods behind them, and Emmett was standing next to the drivers seat. He looked like he was smelling the air, which made Bella look around and try to figure out what he was smelling. “What is it? Is there something in the air?”

“Yeah, Edward,” Emmett grunted. Bella paused and looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Emmett!” Alice snapped.

“What!? Bella was right, he’s here,” Emmett said, walking over and putting a big hand on Bella’s back, gently pushing her towards the car. “He won’t try anything while we’re here but after what he pulled earlier I’m a lot less confident about that prediction so let’s go.”

“How did he - “ Bella started to ask, but was cut off by being gently shoved into the backseat of the car and having the door shut in her face. Quickly, Alice was by her side and Emmett was in the driver’s seat, and they were pulling out of the driveway. “Okay. What the hell is going on? Did he just smell Edward in the air? How much cologne does one guy need?”

“Later, please?” Alice begged. “I promise you’ll get everything later but right now we need to get home.”

Bella stared at her with a hard expression before sighing and nodding, rubbing her eyes with her knuckles.

“Fine. Just so you know I’m dissociating like a motherf*cker right now and when that eventually ends I’m probably going to have a nervous f*cking breakdown,” Bella grumbled.

“Okay,” Alice said quietly, reaching over and gently holding Bella’s hand. “Everything is going to be alright. You’re safe with us.”

“I’d certainly hope so if you’re going to take me away from the house that has guns in it,” Bella said, unable to help the sarcasm from leaking into her voice.

Emmett laughed, which Bella wasn’t quite expecting.

“Yeah I think I’d take that bet,” he chuckled to himself. Bella looked at Alice again, who grimaced in apology.

“Soon. I promise.”

Emmett drove fast, and they were at the Cullen house in nearly a quarter of the time it had taken Bella to get there when she drove herself the other week.

Bella was ushered inside and found the rest of the Cullen family in the living room. Esme and Carlisle were on the couch and Rosalie was standing on the fourth step from the bottom of the flight of stairs going to the second floor, leaning on the railing with crossed arms. She wasn’t looking at Bella.

Jasper was sitting in an armchair massaging his shoulder and grimacing, and when he looked over to spot Bella entering the room he seemed to sag in visible relief. He quickly stood up and approached Alice and Emmett, shooting Bella an indecipherable look as he did so.

“Was he there?” he murmured.

Emmett and Alice nodded, and Jasper swore under his breath.

“Language,” Esme sighed, resting her head against Carlisle’s shoulder.

Bella was led over to a different armchair and she sat down, pulling her knees up and taking her shoes off. Alice quickly took them and put them away somewhere, and Bella tucked her feet underneath her.

The room was quiet for several minutes as Bella waited for the Cullens to speak. When they didn’t, she decided to break the ice first.

“Okay,” she said quietly, noting how the moment she spoke the entire family seemed to immediately stare at her. “I have been, in my opinion, very patient, understanding, and willing to ignore all the f*cking weirdness that’s been happening to me around this family. But this is a step too far to ignore, so I’m gonna need somebody to tell me what the hell is going on.”

“My vote is still no,” Rosalie piped up from the stairs.

“If you aren’t going to be helpful piss off,” Bella cut in before one of Rosalie’s family members could respond. “I’m not in a great mood today so if you’re just going to stand there and make commentary I’d really appreciate it if you could just, like, not. Okay?”

For the first time since The Incident Bella Has Been Ignoring, Rosalie turned around and met her eyes. They were narrowed and hard, and Bella tensed as she waited for her consciousness to get swallowed up by them again. But it didn’t happen this time. Instead they just stared each other down, with an indecipherable swell of feelings in Bella’s gut that almost made her want to stand up and go over to Rosalie.

Clearly to smack her, Bella thought ruefully.

After a few more moments of staring Rosalie gave her the slightest nod before turning her back to her and resuming leaning on the railing. She didn’t leave, but Bella hoped she would at least be quiet now.

“You are right,” Carlisle said with a sigh, threading his fingers with Esme’s and squeezing her hand. “You’ve taken all the strangeness of our family in stride, and it disappoints me greatly that your proximity to us has caused you such distress. But there is a limit to...what I can explain to you.”

Bella frowned.

“Why?”

“There are rules,” Carlisle said smoothly. “Very...strict rules, that I must abide by to the letter. So you see, within these rules, there is only so much I can tell you.”

The entire family was looking at her now, save Rosalie. Alice was standing in between Jasper and Emmett, with Jasper’s arm around her shoulders. Jasper and Emmett were staring at her with pensive, curious looks, while Alice looked like she was a split second away from breaking out of Jasper’s arms and running across the room. Her hands kept opening and closing, and Bella could see her jaw twitching.

Esme just looked upset. If one of her children had caused a massive fight before running off after some girl, Bella could understand that. She was resting on Carlisle’s shoulder, but she kept looking at Bella with looks of pity and, strangely, curiosity.

Carlisle meanwhile was looking at her almost with an appraising expression, like she was being judged or...tested.

“Hrm,” Bella grunted softly.

Rosalie wasn’t looking at her, but Bella’s eyes went to her anyway. Her entire back wasn’t facing Bella anymore, she was turned slightly to the side, and on what little Bella could see of her face was a stony expression.

“So you are a cult,” Bella grumbled.

“We are not a cult. Although we have been described that way, but not by who you’d think, or for the reasons,” Carlisle said with an idle chuckle.

“What can you tell me, with your weirdo rules?” Bella asked.

“Very little, as I said,” Carlisle said firmly. “I can tell you that we mean you no harm. I can tell you that this house is safe for you, quite possibly the safest place you could find yourself. And I can tell you that there is a circ*mstance upon which I could tell you more.”

Bella turned the words over in her mind. Her dissociation was fading, and with it a torrent of emotions that had built up in her mind was threatening to loose itself all over her consciousness. She tamped it down as best she could and tried to logically run through his words.

Despite herself and her anxiety screaming at her to run far, far away from this family, she found herself believing Carlisle’s words. She trusted him, for some reason. She looked again at all the faces, and all of them were some mixture of pity, curiosity, and in the case of Alice, poorly-suppressed nervous affection.

She looked at Carlisle again.

“You’re trying to tell me something,” she said slowly. His lips twitched upwards slightly, for a fraction of a second. “You’ve...been trying to tell me something, haven’t you?” she asked, this time turning to Alice.

Jasper had a hand over Alice’s mouth by this point, and flashed an apologetic smile at Bella.

“Jeezus,” Bella groaned, putting her head in her hands. “What is this? Why me? What is happening?”

“I cannot answer those right now,” Carlisle said softly, patiently. Bella sighed and rapped her knuckles against her forehead.

“Okay. Okay.”

She rolled the words over again and again. It was like trying to find a loophole in a fae contract, like trading a first-born for a good harvest and trying to find a way out.

She blinked.

Maybe it was a fae contract. Carlisle didn’t seem like the type of man to be careless with his speech, and the way he spoke gave the impression that he was choosing his words very carefully.

When she realized that she was seriously considering that the Cullens were a group of magical fae people, she almost pulled her phone out to call an ambulance and have herself committed. This was insane. Insane. She must have finally snapped, right? Did she forget to take her meds that morning?

She shook her head and sighed, ruffling her hair with both hands.

Bella was a lot of things but she knew she wasn’t psychotic. Her therapist had tested her. She wasn’t psychotic.

Which meant that the thing that happened with Rosalie the other week actually happened. Something weird and...supernatural. Not normal. Beyond the material world. Whatever.

“Okay. So you operate by fae rules, am I getting warmer?” Bella threw out, hoping someone would bite.

Nobody said anything, but she could have sworn she saw Carlisle’s lips twitch again.

“Loopholes then. I’m looking for a loophole,” Bella muttered. “Which would be a lot easier if I knew the actual rules. So I have to find a loophole in rules that I don’t know. Great. Awesome. Should take no time at all.”

“This is a waste of time,” Rosalie grumbled.

“Shut up Rosalie Hale before I come over there and shut your mouth for you,” Bella snapped, which conjured the image of her making Rosalie’s mouth quiet in a very interesting way. Bella smacked her own face and groaned loudly. She did not need her sexually-repressed lesbian instincts f*cking up her thought process right now.

Surprisingly, Rosalie did actually stop talking, although Bella guessed it was more out of shock than a desire to stop annoying her.

“I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say you guys aren’t really faeries or whatever,” Bella sighed, slumping back in her armchair. “But the fact that you’re still taking me seriously means I’m either genuinely losing it or I’m on the right track.”

Still no response, but another twitch of the lips from Carlisle.

She thought.

“The eyes,” she eventually said, snapping her fingers and looking from face to face. “The eyes have something to do with it. I’m right aren’t I? It’s not just some freaky coincidence like Alice said!”

Alice was muffled by Jasper’s hand, but Bella could see her eyes brighten a little.

“Doesn’t actually tell me anything but I’m glad I’m right,” Bella huffed. “Is the loophole that I have to figure out what you are first? You can’t tell me but if I know already you can talk about it freely?”

Carlisle gave her a long searching look, but said nothing, only slowly reaching up his hand to tap the side of his nose.

What else? What else was weird that she’d just brushed off recently, ignored?

She held her hand up to her face and flexed her fingers. She recalled shaking each of their hands, of hugs with Alice. How cold they were.

“The cold…” she murmured. “Either all of you have genetically crappy circulation or that’s part of it too.”

Alice clapped a little, which earned her a scolding look from Jasper and had Emmett grabbing each of her hands in one of his. Bella couldn’t help rolling her eyes slightly in amusem*nt at the sight, but quickly refocused herself.

“Cold, weird eyes. Cold with weird eyes.”

She knew there was something else there. Something bigger. She closed her eyes and took a slow breath. Her control was slipping fast, and if she wanted to get her answers before her panic attack she needed to figure this out, now.

Delving into her memory Bella tried to sort through everything she could remember about the Cullens. All the strange oddities she had observed, all the puzzle pieces that must be there for her to find.

Then something rattled in her mind, some breadcrumb trail of familiarity. Something was off. She thought back to...back to…

The cafeteria. Why the cafeteria? Why was she thinking about that?

Because that’s the only time she would ever see the Cullens in one place, and sometimes she wouldn’t see them at all.

Why was that significant? They got taken out of school by Carlisle sometimes for family activities, which…

“Which is a cover-up…” Bella breathed, her eyes opening as she felt everything start to crumble. Emotions started rushing in and she could practically feel her adrenaline spiking as all the delayed panic and fear began to take over. “A cover-up for what!?” she hissed to herself, shaking her head and trying to keep her thoughts coherent.

Anxiety lanced through her nerves like spears of lightning, and before she realized it her whole body was shaking. Nausea swelled through her and she took a long breath in through her nose before softly exhaling through her mouth, trying to keep it down. She was so close, she could feel it.

Why did the Cullens skip school as a group some days? Sometimes they would miss individual days, but what was the unifying factor about the days where they would all skip? Something in Bella told her that was the key, that was the piece of information that would break it open.

But could she find it before she broke open herself?

Her vision swam in front of her eyes as her head began to pound. Her heart was racing and her breath started coming in short bursts as she was unable to keep it even. She could hear a few vague words being spoken in her direction, but she had to discard them. She had to focus.

“Find the link.”

Okay.

That was new.

That was a voice in her head that Bella was pretty sure wasn’t her own internal monologue.

“Find the link, Bella. Just a few more steps. You can do this.”

Right. The link. Voice in head could be addressed later, she had to focus. She felt her arms go numb and she realized it was because her nails were digging into her flesh, her hands gripping herself so tightly she was cutting off her own circulation.

Focus.

“They all skip the same days, every time. Find the link.”

Then, like the first beam of sunlight after a storm, a memory echoed through Bella’s mind. Not of the Cullens, but of her own mother. Bella had been fourteen, and just starting to slip into the worst of her depression. She had just spent two weeks in her room without speaking to anyone, only coming out in the dead of night to get some water and whatever food she could scrounge up without making noise.

She had come down in the morning, finally leaving her room in the daylight, and her mother had immediately gone in lecturing her over missing school and how she didn’t know what to do with her anymore. She had concluded her lecture with a sigh and a hand in her hair, and a phrase that clanged through Bella’s mind like a clarion.

“I swear I never even see you during the day anymore. You’re like a vampire Bella, are you allergic to sunlight all of a sudden? What is going on with you!?”

Bella hiccuped as tears started to stream down her face. Fear was gripping her body. He was at her house. He had come to her house. What the f*ck? What was even happening?

But she forced it down and played the memory again in her head, and then, everything clicked.

“That’s my girl. You found it.”

“Sunlight,” she whispered.

She heard someone talking to her, someone was trying to get her attention. Someone was knelt in front of her, and there were hands on her cheeks. Another pair of hands trying to pry her own fingers away from her arms, but she barely registered any of it.

“Vampires,” Bella whispered.

And then the dark claimed her, and she lost consciousness.

Chapter 8: Little Bird, Where Are You Going? (Would You Mind If I Came Too?)

Chapter Text

Bella woke up, but at the same time she didn’t. It was like she was dreaming, but instead of Dream-Bella being present, it was Real-Bella. Or something. She didn’t really know how to describe it. She blinked her eyes open and found herself sitting in an old wooden armchair.

She slowly took in her surroundings. She was in a worn down bedroom in what looked like some sort of cabin. There were two windows with the curtains drawn, letting in faint wisps of white light. There wasn’t any dust, and the bed looked like it had been used recently. Wherever she was, it was a place that was used and lived in.

It took until her third scan of the room to realize she wasn’t alone. Sitting in another chair across the room from her was a figure, cloaked in shadow. Bella jumped in her chair, not out of fear, but out of the expectation of fear. She waited for the panic, for the nausea, for the spike of adrenaline at the sudden presence of a hidden figure but it never came.

Instead the figure’s presence filled her with an almost warm familiarity.

Though she couldn’t see the figures face, she knew they were looking at her. And as she looked back at them she realized that although the curtains were drawn, the lack of light wasn’t the reason she couldn’t see them very well. The thin beams of light coming through the curtains were crossing right over the figure.

No, instead they seemed to almost be...painted in shadows. As Bella got a closer look she could determine the figure was feminine in nature, but beyond that she couldn’t make out any more features. They looked like they had long hair, and a thin, somewhat curved form. Their legs were crossed and their hands were clasped gently in their lap.

After a moment, the figure seemed to realize Bella could see them, and Bella saw the one feature she could make out on their face. A mouth, that gently turned into a smile. It almost seemed to emit the same soft white light she could see coming in through the cracks in the curtains, but dimmed and hazy.

And the smile felt familiar.

It was the same smile Charlie would give her when she would come home later than he was expecting and he had been worried about her, and when he would see her he would smile like that; relieved that she was alright, safe, and home.

It was the same smile.

Bella was about to speak when the shadow spoke first, and the words out of their mouth were four words Bella was almost certain had never actually been spoken to her before once in her life.

“I’m proud of you,” the shadow said quietly. “You did a wonderful job.”

The figure slowly stood from the chair and walked over to Bella, kneeling on the floor in front of her. The way they moved was almost like they were a solid and a liquid at the same time, too fluid to be entirely solid but too cohesive to be made of some sort of living ink. Bella got the dull sense that she should be unnerved by them, but instead she simply stared as the figure knelt and looked up at her face.

“Gods,” the figure murmured. “I know things happened faster this time but...Gods you look so young…”

She spoke, for this was undoubtably a woman to Bella’s ears, in a voice that was at the same time entirely foreign and hauntingly familiar. It ached in her chest and she flexed her fingers slightly in the chair, staring back at the strange shadow woman.

“How old are you?” the shadow asked, murmuring as they reached a hand out to cup Bella’s cheek.

Bella didn’t shy away or flinch, which surprised her. Instead she let the shadow reach out to her and rest her palm on her cheek, and when the shadow made contact instead of pressure or the feeling of skin-on-skin she only felt a cool tingling.

“Eighteen,” Bella answered, her voice somehow completely steady and even.

“Eighteen…” the shadow murmured. And even without facial features to go off of, Bella could tell that the way she was looking at her was now full of sadness. The shadow’s thumb stroked her cheek lightly a few times as she sighed. “That’s a face I haven’t seen in a long, long time…”

“...what?” Bella asked, confused.

The shadow gave her a wan smile and pulled her hand away, shuffling back a few inches on the floor, although she remained knelt in front of Bella.

“Sorry. I just...wasn’t expecting that,” the shadow said apologetically. “It was a bit of a shock.”

“...who are you? What’s happening?” Bella asked, feeling her conscious mind starting to return to her a little bit. The dreamlike state of her head was fading, and she remembered what had just happened. “I was with the Cullens…”

“I’m sorry, Bella, but we don’t have much time,” the shadow interrupted her with a gentle, patient tone. She opened her mouth to speak again but Bella beat her to it.

“You’re the voice! The voice that was just there, and - “ Bella blurted out, before another memory clicked in her mind and she gasped. “My dreams! I remember them! I heard you!”

“Yes. I’ve been trying to reach you for a while now,” the shadow nodded.

“Who are you? What the hell is going on?” Bella demanded.

“All in good time,” the shadow said firmly. “Bella, listen. I can only reach you like this because your mind has just been through something traumatic and world-shattering, and right now you’re fragile. The psyche has natural self-defense mechanisms most of the time but at the moment they’re not exactly working properly, and I don’t know when I’ll be able to speak to you again after you wake up. You probably won’t even remember this conversation.”

Bella wanted to retort back and repeat her demands, but something in the tone of the shadow’s voice gave her pause. So she closed her mouth, and the shadow woman took it as permission to continue uninterrupted.

“Bella, something big is coming,” she said, reaching out and gently laying her hand over Bella’s. Again there was no pressure, no indication of a physical presence other than a cool tingling. “Something big, something dangerous, and you’re going to be wrapped up right in the middle of it.”

“What!? Why me? What is it?” Bella whispered.

“I’m so sorry,” the shadow whispered. “I wish I could tell you, but I can’t. Things are so delicate right now, I have to be careful. There’s too much at stake. But it’s coming, and it can’t be stopped or avoided, it can’t be prevented. It must happen. But you won’t be going through it alone.”

Bella shook her head. She was just dreaming. This was just a dream. All of this was just some f*cked up nightmare and she was going to wake up any moment in her own bed with no shadow woman, no Edward Cullen coming to her house in the dead of night, no vampires…

“This can’t be real,” she whispered, letting out a slightly hysterical giggle. “I’ve finally snapped, haven’t I? I’ve lost it?”

“This is very real, Bella,” the woman murmured.

“So...so you expect me to believe that you’re, what, some kind of Ghost of Christmas Future here to give me some kind of ominious warning? That the Cullens are f*cking v-vampires and I’m somehow going to get involved in some big...big dangerous thing?” Bella asked, her voice pitching up as her hysteria worsened.

“Not just a warning,” the woman said firmly. “I’m here to help. I want to help you, that’s why I’m here and that’s why I’ve been trying to talk to you. Myself and the...the people I’m with, we’ve been trying to figure out how to change things. At first we tried stopping it entirely but...we learned pretty quick that it was impossible. So now we’re just trying to mitigate the damage.”

“What are you saying?” Bella groaned, putting her face in her hands. “Seriously, what is this? Who are you??”

“I can’t tell you that right now,” the woman said patiently. “Please, Bella. I need you to trust me. I need you to let me help.”

“Why would I do that?” Bella chuckled weakly. “What’s stopping me from telling you to f*ck off and telling the Cullens to f*ck off and just running back to Phoenix to get away from all this?”

The woman shook her head slowly with a soft sigh.

“I think you know the answer to that better than I do,” she murmured, patting Bella’s hand. “And the answer is...nothing. Nothing at all is stopping you from abandoning them. But is that truly what you want? To leave them to face what’s coming on their own?”

Bella was quiet for several long, long moments.

“It’s not fair,” she said quietly after a moment. “It’s not fair. I just wanted...I just want to be okay. I just want to be normal and safe and I finally felt like I was starting to get solid ground under my feet and then...and then they lied and they’re not even human and they were lying to me t-the whole time!”

The shadow woman didn’t speak. She let Bella ramble and rant, listening patiently.

“It isn’t fair!” Bella shrieked, jolting out of the chair and standing up, her fingers twisting in her hair and pulling it. It didn’t even hurt. Damn dream. “You can’t...y-you can’t do this to me! f*ck! I just want to be f*cking normal is that too much to ask!? Can’t I just have a life for once!? Without being hated and hurt and f*cking stalked and having the rug pulled out from under my f*cking feet every day!? Please!?”

She was practically screaming now, eyes burning. She collapsed to her knees and wrapped her arms around her torso, dry sobs heaving through her chest as she hung her head.

“Please…” she said weakly. “Please I just want it all to stop. I want to wake up. I want to go back, I want to wake up in my bed in Phoenix and have Renee tell me she forgot to eat dinner last night so I get mad at her but I can never lecture her to her face because it’s not her fault that she needs someone to take care of her and I make her breakfast and she tells me I’m a good cook and that I should go to culinary school and I tell her that’s way out of my league, and she hugs me and says I can do anything I want in my life. I want to wake up and hear Phil’s stupid f*cking sports car pulling into the driveway to take my mom out for the day and when she gets home she tells me all about her day and forgets to ask about mine because she’s too excited and since I haven’t tried anything again she’s stopped worrying about me so much. I want to go home. Please.”

The shadowed woman knelt in front of her and placed her hands on either side of Bella’s face. Even though there was still no physical pressure Bella felt her head moved up and a cool tingling on her forehead as the woman pressed her own against her, holding Bella’s face in her hands so that their noses almost touched.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so, so sorry Bella. But you can’t. That chapter of your life is closed, no matter how badly you want to go back. You’re scared, Little Bird, I know you’re scared and it’s okay. It’s okay to be afraid. You’re scared and you’re frustrated, and you feel like your life is spiralling and it’s okay.”

Bella heaved another dry sob.

“Fear is good,” she continued. “It means you have something to lose. It means you can recognize danger, that you can keep yourself safe. But you can’t let fear control you, Little Bird. You have to look the fear dead in the face and see it for what it is, accept it, and then move forward. You’re so strong, and you’ll have to keep being strong for a while yet, but I know you can do this. It’s alright. You aren’t going to do this alone, okay?”

Bella hiccuped a little, another dry sob wracking her chest. But they were starting to die down in intensity.

“We’re running out of time,” the shadowed woman murmured. “They’re waking you up. Little Bird, I want to help you, but you have to let me through. You have to open the door, or I can only talk to you like this.”

“How do I even know you’re real? How can I trust you?” Bella said, her voice shaking.

The shadow was quiet for a moment before pulling her face away from Bella, standing up and offering a hand. Bella somehow was able to take it, and she felt herself pulled to her feet. It was so strange, meeting resistance and feeling physical pulls and force without any actual sensation of touch.

“I have a way to let you know that you can trust me. But you’re going to hate me a little bit too,” the shadow said with another sad smile.

“Those two usually don’t go hand in hand,” Bella said with a sniffle, rubbing her eyes more out of habit than a need to dry non-existant tears. “And even if I trust you, how do I ‘open the door’ or whatever? I don’t even know what that means.”

“You’ll know,” the woman said firmly. “You have to want to. If you don’t know, it means you don’t trust me yet and you don’t want to let me in.”

Bella just shook her head slowly.

“I don’t know what to do,” she sighed. “I feel like I’m being pulled in so many directions that I’m about to snap in half.”

The shadow laid a hand on her shoulder.

“The Cullens love you,” she said gently. “Trust in that. You don’t know why yet, and I know it seems ridiculous and insane, but they love you. The ones that don’t seem to right now will come to eventually. They take a bit of time to get their heads on straight, but that family would die for you.”

Bella laughed weakly.

“They barely know me,” she pointed out. “You’re just making them sound even crazier.”

Another sad smile.

“It’ll make sense soon. Very soon, actually. They’re really trying to wake you up now,” the shadow sighed. And Bella could tell as well. The walls of the cabin were starting to fade slightly, and the light peering through the curtains was dimming. She felt a bit lighter, as if she was about to fly away. “Bella please...open the door. Let me through. Let me help you with what is to come.”

“Tell me who you are,” Bella insisted. “How do you...know all these things about me, the Cullens? How do you know what’s coming? What do you mean that you’ve been trying to fix it? Do you mean like, some type of Groundhog Day type sh*t?”

“To borrow a phrase, spoilers,” the shadow chuckled. “I’ll tell you what I know will let you know I’m safe, and trustworthy. Just promise to keep the anger for later.”

“Why would I be angry?” Bella asked.

“Because what I’m about to tell you is something very close to your heart. The fact that I will know it will tell you that you can trust me, but the fact that I am about to speak it out loud will make you hate me, at least a little bit,” the shadow said wryly.

“...well now I’m just curious,” Bella muttered, rubbing her arms.

The shadow turned to her and wrapped her arms around Bella in a gentle hug. It was strange, receiving a hug from a shadow, but despite being surrounded by a cool sensation it made Bella’s core flare with a small amount of warmth and comfort. The shadows lips were near her ear, and she whispered.

“We’re out of time. You have to let me in. So I’m going to tell you, and you have to let me in now. Otherwise you will wake and you will forget, and I do not know when we’ll speak again.”

Bella’s eyes flicked to the surroundings and sure enough, the walls and even the floor were completely gone. The chairs, the bed, all the furniture. She seemed to be standing on...nothingness, an empty gray void, only held aloft by the shadow woman’s arms.

“Bella? Can you hear me? Wake up sweetie, please,” came a vague voice from...somewhere. Bella recognized it as Alice, trying to wake her up.

The shadow whispered again.

“Bella. Her name was Anna-Maria. You called her Annie. And you know, deep down in your heart, that she loved you so, so much. And she never, ever stopped.”

Bella’s breath caught in her throat as her fingers dug into her arms. Her vision swam as her heart felt as if it were about to explode. She screwed her eyes shut as many feelings ran through her all at once; shock, disgust, anger, but also an unbidden nostalgia, a warm ache in her chest, and in the core of her gut a solid, immutable feeling that the woman was telling the truth.

“f*ck you,” Bella choked out, feeling her body go limp. “f*ck you. f*ck you. f*ck you.”

“I’m sorry, Bella,” she whispered.

“f*ck. You,” Bella replied. “You were right. I do hate you.”

“I know,” came the reply. The feeling of the shadows embrace was fading, and Bella opened her eyes. The figure of the woman was nearly gone. She had somehow gone from mostly solid black shadow to a nearly-invisible shade. “I know.”

“But I’m also going to let you in now,” Bella whispered. “If you know that...if you know that, and you are some ghost from the future or some sh*t, I must have told you. And if...if I told you about her, you must be someone important to me. I wouldn’t tell anyone otherwise. I barely even want to think about it myself.”

“I know,” the shadow whispered. Her voice was fading. “Open the door, Bella. Please.”

And so she did.

Bella didn’t know what she was doing, or how, but somehow she just felt it. There was a door in her mind, a window, an opening, a passage that had been sealed shut. All she had to do was open it, and it was simple once she found it.

The door opened as the gray void rushed around her, her vision clouding as the dream began to pass. She could almost feel her consciousness whisking itself back into her body as she began to wake, and she barely finished opening the door. As she did so she felt something rush into her consciousness like a flood, pouring into her mind.

“Thank you, Bella,” came the voice, but this time it was from inside Bella’s head again. “You won’t remember this conversation. Not consciously. But your subconscious will remember. It will remember how you felt, it will remember the things you said. The catharsis, the resolve, will hold. You’ll be alright.”

“I’m going to wake up now,” Bella whispered. “How will this all work?”

“I have to settle in first,” the voice said quietly. “You’ll see me. In the corner of your eye, or off in the far distance. Your conscious mind needs to acclimate to my presence before I speak to you again, though.”

“Okay,” Bella whispered.

“One last thing before I go,” the voice said. “More than anyone, you can trust Alice. She would probably tear her own heart out and eat it if you asked her to. The others might falter on their paths, they may waver. They’ll all be by your side in the end but the road there will be hard. Except for Alice. Trust her. Put your faith in her. No matter what, she will stand by you.”

“But - “ Bella whispered. “She lied. They all did. And she didn’t listen to me about Edward.”

“They lied to protect you, Little Bird. They had to. And yes, she didn’t. You’re right. But you saw the distress it caused her when Edward allowed his worst aspects to control him, and by doing so, put you in danger. This will be the last time she ever makes a mistake in regards to your safety.”

“How do you know that?” Bella asked.

“Spoilers,” the voice said warmly.

And then Bella Swan woke up.

~~~~~

“Bella?” Alice was saying as Bella’s eyes flickered open. She was on her back. Fingers were stroking through her hair. Her head was in someone’s lap, and she was...she was laying on the Cullen’s couch. “She’s waking!”

Bella groaned and slowly sat up. She had been laying with her head in Alice’s lap, who quickly moved with Bella, gently putting her hands on Bella’s shoulders and helping her sit up. Carlisle was nearby and quickly moved in to start checking her over, and as Bella blinked her vision back from the fuzzy static that had taken over she could see the rest of the Cullens scattered in various places around the living room.

Esme was closest. She was sitting on the floor nearby where Bella’s head had been, and for some reason Bella knew it must have been her fingers in her hair. Emmett and Jasper weren’t too far either, with Jasper sitting in the nearest armchair, leaning over and intently staring at her, and Emmett standing frozen in the middle of the room mid-pace.

Rosalie had moved too. She was no longer at the base of the steps but was perched on the arm of the same chair Jasper was sitting on. There was a book in her hands but nobody in the room believed she was reading it. Her grip on it was slack and though she was facing angled away from Bella, her eyes were just as loudly on her as the rest of the room.

“How long was I out?” was the first thing Bella asked, groaning and rubbing her eyes. “What time is it?”

“It’s about two in the morning,” Alice replied quietly. “How are you...how are you feeling?”

“Did anyone get the plate number of the semi that ran me over?” Bella groaned. Rosalie snorted, rolling her eyes when Esme and Alice gave her reproachful looks.

“What? She’s alright enough to crack jokes, so she’s fine,” Rosalie snapped.

“Glad you think I’m funny, Hale,” Bella grumbled.

“What!? I do not – that was - “ Rosalie sputtered, and Bella felt a swell of pride in her chest for catching her off guard.

Turning to Alice, she looked at the face of her best friend. She had been upset with Alice still for not listening to her, but...the way Alice was looking at her made all her irritation melt away. Alice’s face was creased with worry and her eyes were incapable of lying, full of concern and a fear that Bella recognized all too well. Fear of rejection, fear of someone you cared about turning their back on you.

So instead of the short, gruff words that had bubbled up in her throat, Bella lifted her arms and pulled Alice into them, a hand on the back of her head as she let out a long, slow exhale. Alice sagged in relief and clung onto Bella’s shirt, pressing her face into her shoulder.

“So. Vampires?” Bella grunted.

Alice nodded into her shoulder.

“Okay. Okay. That’s fine. This is fine. Just...let me get my bearings a little bit, yeah?”

“Of course Bella. Take all the time you need,” Alice whispered.

Bella sighed and patted the back of her head lightly.

“I’ll be okay,” she mumbled. “It’s just a lot.”

Alice nodded and pulled away after a few moments, and Bella could see visible relief on the Cullen’s faces.

“So you’re...you’re chill?” Emmett asked hesitantly. “We’re still buddies?”

“Yeah, man,” Bella croaked, massaging her throat a little. It felt raw, like she had just spent time screaming and sobbing. Had her panic attack really been that bad? “I mean, someone’s gotta make sure you know what your place is in the Mario Kart hierarchy.”

“I’m going to let that slide because I’m glad you’re okay and that we’re chill but don’t think I’m gonna go easy on you,” Emmett warned.

“Bring it on,” Bella said with a weak grin.

Carlisle finished his inspection of her and stood up, nodding to himself.

“You’re fine. Showing some signs of exhaustion and I’d imagine your blood sugar is quite low, so one of us will run out and grab something for you, but other than that you’re perfectly fine. Oh, you’ll have a sore tongue though. You bit it rather hard. By some miracle you didn’t draw any blood.”

Bella stuck her tongue out experimentally and made a face. It was really sore.

“What kind of candy do you like?” Alice asked. “You need sugar.”

“I don’t really eat candy,” Bella said idly, pushing her hair out of her face. “Uh, fruit would be good though. Strawberries? Or like, something like that.”

Carlisle nodded and Esme got up, straightening herself out.

“I’ll be right back,” she said to Bella, reaching out and patting her cheek. “You sit tight, okay?”

“Um...thanks,” Bella mumbled, ducking her head. Wasn’t she supposed to be angry with the Cullens for lying? Why was she feeling all mushy?

Grr. Angry face.

Bella tried to frown really hard, but she was too tired to put a proper mad face on, so instead she just sighed and rubbed her eyes again.

“Okay. I’m just going to get this out of the way. I’m kinda peeved that you all pulled wool over my eyes, but I guess I can kinda get it. It’s not like you can just come up to a girl and be all like ‘hey we’re a group of vampires is that cool with you?’.”

Alice nodded vigorously.

“I wanted to tell you so badly. You have no idea. It was so hard to lie to you even though I knew I had to and I feel really really bad about it,” Alice babbled, grabbing Bella’s hand with both of hers. Bella marvelled at how cool her hands were, now that she knew the reason. Being a vampire was way cooler than crummy circulation.

“There were rules mentioned,” Bella said. “Aside from the whole, I probably wouldn’t have believed you right away thing.”

Carlisle nodded.

“Our people do not have a traditional...government, as you might put it,” Carlisle said slowly. “But it is known that we must keep our presence hidden from humanity. We are stronger, faster, more durable, but even the most powerful vampires in the world could not stand up to the entire human race if it were to be decided we needed to be...eradicated for human safety.”

Bella nodded. That sort of made sense.

“I’m guessing you have questions,” Carlisle said with a half-smile.

“Oh gee ya think?” Bella laughed.

“Ask away. I may not be able to answer everything, but I will tell you what I can,” Carlisle said, sitting down in an empty armchair and folding his hands in his lap.

“Okay. Well. Obvious question. Blood? Drinky drinky?” Bella asked.

Alice giggled.

“We do need to consume blood, yes,” Carlisle said with a dip of his head. “It’s not quite a one-to-one with your need for food, though. A vampire cannot starve to death, but the craving for blood will eventually dominate our minds if we do not feed often enough, and can set us on a rampage of satiation.”

“Obvious follow up question. Human blood?” Bella asked.

Carlisle paused before answering this one.

“Do you recall that I told you that my family has been described as a cult?” Carlisle asked. Bella nodded. “It is because we do not drink human blood. We feed on animals only. Most of our people do feed from humans, but we choose not to.”

“Huh. Why?” Bella asked, tilting her head to the side. “Like, why is that a big deal?”

“There are...many philosophies on the matter,” Carlisle deferred. “Too many to get into tonight. In short, there are trade-offs. The vitae of animals is far less potent than that of humans. Compared to those who partake in human blood, we are slower, weaker, and our gifts are not as robust as they could be.”

“Gifts?” Bella asked.

“Some of our kind are in possession of what you might call ‘superpowers’,” Carlisle said, chuckling. “We commonly refer to them as ‘gifts’. Abilities that are beyond that of the normal benefits bestowed upon our kind.”

“So magic powers,” Bella said with a nod. Carlisle laughed softly.

“I suppose you could call it that, yes,” he said quietly. “Whether or not our species is, as you say, ‘magical’ or simply a more advanced form of nature and science is quite a rigorous debate but...again, there are only so many hours in this night and you have more pressing questions, do you not?”

“Do you guys have powers?” Bella asked, looking around the room.

“I do!” Alice chirped, bouncing in her seat. “I told you! It’s not my fault you didn’t believe me! But I can see the future!”

Bella slowly turned towards Alice, her mouth dropping open slightly.

“What.”

Alice nodded rapidly, her face blurring a little.

“I get visions,” she explained. “If I concentrate I can force them, but sometimes they just happen. Usually they’re about people I know, but sometimes they’re about events that will affect me or the people I care about in the future.”

“Huh,” Bella said. She thought for a few more seconds and snapped her fingers. “When we met, you said...you said ‘things don’t always happen to me the way I want them to’. With that funny word. Verisiwhatsitude.”

Alice giggled again.

“Verisimilitude,” she said with a nod. “It’s actually quite accurate. It’s not like I’m sitting in my own mind watching a television screen, my visions are very...visceral. Very real. A lot of the feelings carry over.”

“So when you were talking about it then…” Bella said slowly.

“I’ve...seen you. In my visions, yes,” Alice said, suddenly seeming quiet and unsure.

Bella was quiet for a moment before continuing.

“How...like, for how long were you uh, seeing me?” she asked.

Giving an embarrassed half-grin, Alice shuffled nervously in her seat a little bit.

“Ah, well, uhm...f-five years? I think?” she said awkwardly. “To be honest I’ve lost track a little. And the visions themselves were all over the place, spanning a very long time so I knew you would be with us for a long time and, well, I suppose I grow quite fond of you in the future and...and things bleed over, so when you finally arrived for real I um…”

“You got excited,” Bella said softly, a small smile on her face as she remembered the first proper conversation they had. “But instead of maladaptive daydreaming, you were seeing like...future me. Future us?”

Alice nodded, squirming with embarrassed discomfort.

Bella leaned back. She wasn’t quite sure what to do with that information. Fate was always something she thought was a bit of a silly concept, but if she was willing to believe everything up to now…

She wanted to dismiss the idea. Vampires were one thing, and the weirdness she had seen and experienced with her senses around the Cullens lined up with that, at least. But future visions? That was almost too much.

But she couldn’t. She knew Alice wasn’t lying to her.

“Well okay,” she sighed. “Are all vampire gifts that insane…?”

“No I’m quite special,” Alice said with absolutely no shame whatsoever. Bella barked out a laugh.

“You got that right,” she laughed.

“Thank you!” Alice chirped. Then she frowned and thought about it for a moment before turning and swatting Bella’s arm. “Hey! Not that kind of special!”

Bella’s laughter doubled and Emmett joined in, his laugh booming through the room. Jasper and Carlisle weren’t immune and Bella could see slight smirks on their faces, and even Rosalie’s roll of the eyes seemed to contain more amusem*nt than irritation.

“What about the rest of you?” she asked curiously.

Jasper held up a finger and Bella turned to him. He was already answering the question before she could ask it.

“I can sense the emotions of others. It was actually quite difficult to learn how to differentiate my own emotions from what was coming off of others, but once I learned to control it I also learned I could influence the emotions of others, to a degree.”

Bella blinked.

“I’m so sorry,” she said automatically. Jasper frowned, and she got curious glances from the rest of the family. “That you like, have to be around me. My emotions are f*cked.”

She felt actually quite guilty and awful now. How many times had Jasper been in the vicinity when she had a panic attack? When the dark clouds that still hung around the edges of her mind got a little too loud?

“Oh,” he said, looking a little taken aback that she was apologizing. “Well you actually have nothin’ to apologize for. I...can’t actually feel you. At all.”

Okay.

Bella couldn’t really tell if she was relieved or insulted.

“I’m not that dead inside,” she grumbled.

“No, I mean,” Jasper said, pausing for a slight grumble under his breath. “My gift simply doesn’t work on you. I’ve been trying to figure it out since that first day when you arrived at school, and I got even more confused when I saw you have a panic attack for the first time and felt...absolutely nothin’.”

“Huh,” Bella said. That definitely made her feel better, then. “Blessing in disguise honestly,” she said with a shrug. “You really don’t want to get all up in here. Why can’t you, though? Did you figure it out?”

“We have a theory,” Carlisle hummed.

“...do I get to hear it?” Bella asked.

Carlisle organized his thoughts for a moment and spoke.

“When a human is turned into a vampire, that is when their gift manifests,” he began. “Most of the time.”

Bella raised an eyebrow.

“Occasionally...very, very rarely, there are reports or accounts of humans displaying...anomalous behavior or abilities. When those humans come into contact with the supernatural and are brought into that world physically, as in, changed so that they themselves are no longer human, those abilities are...significantly amplified.”

“Are you building up to say I’m an X-Man?” Bella asked bluntly.

Carlisle paused and stared blankly at her.

“...you know…” Bella prompted, looking around the room. “Marvel…? The X-Men? Mutants with superpowers? Wolverine and Professor X and Magneto and all that?”

None of the Cullens gave any indication that they knew what she was talking about.

“Emmett?” Bella asked, looking aghast in his direction. He pointed at himself.

“Me? Why me? I don’t know what an X-Man is.”

“How do you not know what an X-Man is,” Bella said, flabbergasted. “You play video games and you know who Mario is but not Wolverine??”

“I don’t keep up with all pop culture!” Emmett whined.

“I...okay,” Bella laughed, shaking her head. “Anyway, sorry Carlisle, continue. You’re going to tell me I have magical juju shenanigans happening.”

“I...yes, I suppose,” Carlisle said with a light cough, seemingly a tad bit peeved that his dramatic buildup had been deflated. “You appear to be a shield of some kind. You cause interference or outright blockages towards all the gifts in the family.”

“Huh. Neat. Who else?” Bella asked, looking between Carlisle, Emmett, and Rosalie.

Nobody answered her, which got weirder the longer it went on. Bella frowned and looked around again.

“It’s...Edward,” Alice mumbled with a sigh. “He’s the last one.”

“Oh. That’s disappointing,” Bella sighed. “What’s his gift? The gift of being a creepy weirdo?”

Carlisle grimaced at Bella’s words and Alice shrank into her seat a little bit, but Jasper had a wry smile on his face and Rosalie had a brief smile of her own cross her face before it was plastered over with a look of irritation, as if she was upset with herself for agreeing with something Bella said.

“No, he can read minds though,” Emmett said casually.

Bella’s eye twitched.

“He can what?” she yelped.

“Read minds, yeah. Well like, he can’t just pull whatever he wants out of your head,” he said, frowning. “You have to be like, actively thinking about it at the moment he reads you. He can sort of passively hear everything going on around him, sort of, so like, really loud thoughts he can hear anyway. And if he focuses on you he can get a little deeper into whatever you’re thinking about, like two weeks ago he knew I wanted to eat a bear instead of a deer that day so he just led me to where he had last seen one even though I didn’t say anything but I was just thinking about how bummed I was that we were going to the deer spot instead of the bear spot.”

Bella blinked several times as she tried to process that information.

“S-so that creep has been in my head?” she gasped. “Ugh! Yuck! Gross! Disgusting! How is that not like, a massive invasion of privacy!? What the f*ck dude!?”

“f*cking finally!” Rosalie snapped, throwing her hands in the air. “Someone besides me said it! Yes, Bella, it is a massive invasion of privacy, thank you.”

Bella’s heart fluttered when Rosalie said her name, which almost completely derailed her train of thought about Edward. She stared at Rosalie for several seconds, who was returning the glare she was currently receiving from Carlisle, but her Edward train was firmly re-railed when she heard Alice mumble next to her.

“He can’t help it….” she said quietly. “It’s not his fault...he can’t turn it off, just like Jasp can’t turn off his gift.”

Rosalie snorted.

“That’s a weak excuse,” she grumbled, crossing her arms. “And even if it’s true, which, doubtful, he’s still an ass about it.”

Alice opened her mouth again to presumably keep defending Edward, but then she slumped back into the couch and snapped her jaw shut.

“I hate the thought that he’s been in my head,” Bella groaned.

“He hasn’t,” Rosalie said quickly. “Just like Jasper can’t feel your emotions, Edward can’t read your thoughts. He says it’s like trying to read the thoughts of a brick wall.”

Bella sighed in relief that Edward hadn’t actually been rooting around in her head.

“Okay,” she said after a moment. “I think those are my immediate questions about the vampire thing. I have more but they can wait. My other questions are about the current topic’s subject actually. What the f*ck is Edward’s deal?”

Carlisle sighed and hung his head, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes. Rosalie’s nostrils flared and it looked like she was gearing up for a rant, but Jasper glanced her way and shook his head slightly.

Then Rosalie physically seemed to relax a little, but given her twitching jaw Bella could guess it wasn’t quite her first choice.

“Edward is...complicated,” Alice said haltingly, staring, for some reason, at Rosalie. “And some things got...messy.”

“That explains very little,” Bella said plainly.

“Something else you must know about us,” Carlisle said with a pained sigh. “Is that vampires mate for life.”

“Like penguins,” Bella said, nodding.

Carlisle looked at her for a moment before chuckling, his shoulders actually shaking a little bit. It was actually the hardest she’d ever seen him laugh, and it was still very reserved and quiet. But he didn’t stop for nearly a full minute, and the entire room seemed to be mirroring Bella’s slight surprise at seeing him do that.

“Yes,” he eventually said with amusem*nt thick in his voice. “Like penguins.”

“So what did Edward like, go all penguin on me?” Bella said, frowning. “Why?”

Carlisle sighed.

“In Alice’s visions of you, which she naturally informed the family about as they occurred over the years, she saw you as a member of our family. As one of us.”

“You mean like…” Bella said, eyes widening. She opened her mouth slightly and pointed at one of her canine teeth.

“Yes,” Carlisle said. “Exactly.”

“...Okay. Huh.”

Bella didn’t quite know what to think of that. She supposed it made sense, why the Cullens had approached her. Why they all seemed so...for lack of a better word, taken with her from the get-go. Well. Except Rosalie.

If they ‘knew’ she was going to be a member of their family someday, she supposed she could see the logic behind it.

“We, at first, did not know the how of your arrival to our family. Namely...whether or not you would be human when we first met.”

Bella nodded.

“Theoretically, I am more than willing to accept any kindred into our family who is willing to follow our rules and stick to our diet,” Carlisle continued, steepling his fingers. “So, at first, we thought that might be the case. That perhaps you were a nomad, or a curious member of another coven who wished to try our lifestyle and simply...stuck around.”

“But…” Bella prompted when Carlisle went quiet.

“Alice’s interpretations of her visions eventually led us to the conclusion that you were brought not just into our family, but into our entire world by us. That, through some series of events, we would be the ones to turn you. And this narrowed down the potential circ*mstances of such a thing dramatically. There are very, very few situations in which I would consent to the turning of a human being to be brought into our family, let alone our world at all,” he said with a heavy sigh. “It is not a small matter to consider, nor is it a flippant choice to make. A choice like that affects us all.”

Bella thought for a few moments.

Carlisle had stopped talking again, peering at Bella with curious eyes. She once again felt tested, like he was trying to see if she could put it together herself.

“I’m guessing one of these unique circ*mstances is that, like, if one of you finds your uh, penguin, in a human,” Bella said, awkwardly stumbling over her own simile. Carlisle chuckled and nodded. “So Edward got it in his head that Alice’s visions of me joining the family was because I must be his penguin?”

She turned to Alice for confirmation, but found Alice staring daggers at Rosalie, who was returning the glare with equal force. She looked back and forth between the two sisters.

“Uh. Did I miss something?” she asked.

“No,” Alice snapped lightly. “Everything is fine.”

“You look and sound like you want to strangle your sister,” Bella pointed out.

“She’s my sister. That’s normal,” Alice grumbled. Rosalie just huffed and rolled her eyes, turning her head away from the couch.

“...ooookay,” Bella said, choosing to let it drop. “Am I right though?”

“Essentially, yes,” Jasper confirmed with a sigh, casting his own slightly confused glance between the two sisters. “You see, with a vampire’s mate, it’s not as simple as it is for humans. Humans make a choice to go on dates and if they’re compatible they might eventually choose to get married. We...don’t have much of a choice.”

Rosalie snorted loudly and tossed her hair.

Bella looked quizzically at her.

When Rosalie caught her eyes she paused, and almost seemed to be debating something internally. Then she shrugged irritably and turned away again.

“That’s according to someone who claims to be mated,” Rosalie said pointedly. “It’s not a shared belief.”

“What do you mean?” Bella asked, looking around the room. Everyone looked awkward except Alice, who still looked pissed.

“A vampire’s mate isn’t chosen,” Carlisle said. “It’s a connection beyond the body and mind. A meeting of the souls, almost. We might have dalliances with others, temporary relationships like humans do, but when we find our mate...we know. It’s not something that can be ignored, or mistaken. It can be the first time you’ve met someone and you’d know.”

Bella stopped actively listening the moment Carlisle said ‘meeting of the souls’. Her mind went back to the first time she properly ‘met’ Rosalie, and they had a lovely little hissy fit at each other. That is, until Bella got in her car and…

She shook her head.

There was no way.

If that was how it worked, Rosalie would know. Right? She must.

“I think it’s bull,” Rosalie interjected. “It’s just love. We have heightened emotions. The same thing that makes us faster, stronger? It also makes us more...volatile,” she explained, grimacing and gripping her upper arm slightly. “Your emotions run so much hotter, like an engine being overclocked all the time, twenty-four seven. It makes sense that love would befall the same fate, and make some of us believe in this soulmate nonsense.”

“It isn’t nonsense,” Alice sniped. “It’s not just love, there’s a connection. There’s more to it.”

“Girls,” Carlisle said softly. They quieted down, with Alice crossing her arms and turning around on the couch so her back was leaning against Bella’s side; facing fully away from Rosalie. Rosalie just rolled her eyes and muttered something Bella couldn’t hear.

“I heard that!” Alice snapped.

“You were meant to!” Rosalie fired back.

“Girls!” Carlisle said. He didn’t yell. He didn’t snap or shout. Bella wasn’t even sure his voice went up that much in volume. But it practically thrummed through the room and everyone around him immediately fell silent, and Bella wasn’t quite sure anyone could talk even if they wanted to.

She shivered slightly. Carlisle was really intimidating when he wanted to be.

Her mind returned to her previous train of thought, and again her thoughts were rejected. Nothing happened with Rosalie. She clearly didn’t even believe in this stuff, and the way the others were describing it, Bella was pretty sure Rosalie would know if it was really that strong.

Stamping out the small part of her that still giggled like a schoolgirl whenever Rosalie so much as looked in her general direction, she turned back to Carlisle.

“So...Edward,” she said, trying to get back on topic.

“Yes. Edward,” Carlisle sighed. “He’s...Edward has always been moody. He...he struggles, you see. With the nature of our existence.”

“Once a year like clockwork he goes off on a big fat rant about how we’re all damned to an eternity in hell and that our existence is doomed,” Emmett nodded sagely. “Then he goes to sulk in the wilderness for two weeks before coming home and acting like nothing happened.”

Carlisle coughed.

“Yes. Well. He was raised a certain way as a human and he’s never quite been able to escape his past,” he murmured. “But he’s always been...troubled. And I believe, through a combination of the inherent secrecy of our existence and his own...troubled thoughts putting him in a cage, he became very...lonesome over the years.”

Bella narrowed her eyes slightly, but she didn’t say anything.

“At first it was myself and Esme,” Carlisle said, a soft, distant smile coming onto his face as he clearly was recalling old memories. “I remember the day I first saw her. Everything changed in a moment, as if my entire perception of reality had immutably changed. But Edward...he was never quite the same, after that.”

“Wait, Edward is older than Esme?” Bella asked, frowning. Carlisle laughed slightly.

“Yes,” he said with a nod. “Physically, he is and always will be seventeen. But his life past his humanity has spanned over a hundred years. Esme hasn’t quite hit a century yet.”

“Huh. I mean, I figured the whole adoption thing was a sham to cover up the whole ‘coven of vampires’ thing but I guess I didn’t actually process that it meant you are all probably drastically different ages,” Bella said with a wry chuckle.

“I am the oldest,” Carlisle said with a nod. “After myself I believe it’s you, Jasper?”

Jasper nodded.

“He and Alice are the newest to our family,” Carlisle continued fondly. “But Jasper has been around nearly as long as I have. Only in...much, much different circ*mstances.”

Bella gave him a curious expression and Jasper gave her a crooked smile.

“Give it a few decades, an’ maybe I’ll have a story or two for ya,” Jasper said, his Southern drawl a bit heavier than normal.

“Yeah. Okay,” Bella said with a small smile before turning back to Carlisle.

“Edward is next I believe. He was actually...I suppose, the first real Cullen besides myself,” Carlisle mused. “At first it was just us. I never even really expected us to grow to what we are now, and I don’t quite think he did either. And...I’m unsure that he’s adapted to the changes as well as I have, over the years.”

Carlisle was quiet and contemplative, and Bella almost felt like he was talking to himself more than her.

“When I met Esme, everything...changed. We were three, now, and Edward would fret endlessly about it. Constantly worried that if our numbers increased, our ability to hide would in turn go down,” he said, a vague, distant expression on his face. “I always told him he was merely being paranoid but now...now I wonder if it was something else.”

Bella didn’t know what to say, and seemingly neither did anyone else. Jasper and Emmett were listening with rapt attention, and Alice had actually turned all the way back around, her irritation at her sister forgotten in lieu of the words of her...father? Yeah, Bella was just going to keep going with father.

“He would question me endlessly,” Carlisle continued. “About the bond. What it felt like, what did I think of it, asking me to...describe it to him in as many details as I could. Being scientifically minded myself I simply...I assumed he was curious. I myself had questions about it when peers of mine had met their own mates, and I assumed that he, like I, had taken a purely academic interest in it.”

He went quiet again and nobody in the room dared to interrupt.

“But I fear that I have been...mistaken. Mistaken for a long time,” he whispered.

“What do you mean?” Bella asked.

“...I believe Edward grew obsessed with the concept of the mate-bond,” Carlisle eventually said with a heavy sigh. “The way he would speak about it occasionally, I would brush it off and...justify it, explain it away, but he seemed to believe that when he became mated it would solve his problems. That the reason he was so lonely, so...miserable sometimes, was simply because he lacked a mate.”

Ah.

Bella understood that.

While it wasn’t the same at all, she remembered feelings from the earlier stages of her depression. That maybe falling in love would fix her. That having a girlfriend to hold and talk to and kiss and love and be loved by would be enough to fill in the gaping maw of nothingness inside of her.

It was a hard lesson to learn, and one that Bella did not envy Edward over. She was just upset that she had gotten wrapped up in it.

“When you arrived in Forks, Edward could sense you,” Carlisle continued. “He described a ‘pull’ to you, and a desire to...forgive me, to ‘claim’ you. He was almost...no, he was manic about it, that first day.”

Bella grimaced at his words, and Carlisle mirrored her expression.

“And it is here where I believe I owe you a significant apology,” Carlisle sighed. “I was...blinded by the desire to believe in my son. I wanted him to be happy. I’d watched him torture himself with his own loneliness and obsessions that...I suppose part of me was just happy to hear that it would be over. That he had found his answer. I looked past the actual content of his words and simply allowed my own biases to fill in the blanks.”

Bella blinked as Carlisle leaned forward.

“Bella,” he said seriously. “On behalf of my family, but most significantly myself, I sincerely apologize for the distress Edward has put you through tonight. I am the leader of this coven and the behavior of its members falls on me, and tonight Edward has behaved abhorrently. I will not ask for your forgiveness, and all I ask is for the consideration of my words.”

She didn’t know quite what to say at first, but eventually she just nodded and managed to push out a few syllables in reply.

“S’no big. Edward’s a big boy,” Bella mumbled. “You shouldn’t have to apologize for him.”

Carlisle gave her a grateful smile.

“I am glad you feel that way, even if I disagree with you,” he said, relief tinging his words.

Bella nodded and thought for a while before coming up with another question.

“So...okay, so, if Edward and I actually were...like, bonded, I would’ve felt it too?” she asked. Carlisle nodded. “So the fact that I’m not interested in him whatsoever and he just gives me the heebie-jeebies is like, a definitive ‘no’ that we aren’t penguins?”

He chuckled again.

“Correct,” he said. “Even as a human you would also feel the pull. Muted, possibly, but you wouldn’t be able to avoid him in your thoughts, and you’d find yourself trying to engineer situations in which you could at least be around him. The fact that you’re actively trying to avoid him speaks volumes.”

“Okay. So. Follow up question,” Bella continued. “Why does he think that?”

“Singers,” Jasper said. Bella blinked and turned to him when Carlisle leaned all the way back in his armchair, content to let Jasper explain this one it seemed. “I’ve seen them often and I know what they can do to a vampire.”

“Singers?” Bella asked.

“You’re familiar with the siren song?” Jasper asked.

Bella nodded.

“A singer is a human whose blood is particularly enticing to a specific vampire,” Jasper explained. “Think of it like...think of it like your favorite food, except to the factor of a thousand. You could gorge yourself and still want to eat more until you physically were unable to.”

Bella grimaced.

“So my blood is like...singing to him?” she asked, sticking her tongue out. “Ew.”

Jasper laughed.

“That’s the gist, yes. For someone like Edward with his obsessive thoughts and his particular brand of...stubborn, I can absolutely see him misinterpreting the lure of a particularly potent singer as that of a mate-bond. That in conjunction with Alice’s visions is what probably sealed the deal though. Without the visions, he probably would have assumed that you were a singer on his own.”

“So...how do we de-idiot him?” Bella groaned. “Because like, he’s your brother and all that and I’m guessing that if I’m gonna join your family one day the ideal situation is for us to all get along.”

“It isn’t...mandatory,” Carlisle said, giving Rosalie a pointed look. “But it is highly encouraged, yes.”

“And I mean, if I’m joining your family,” Bella sighed.

Alice poked her ribcage.

“The visions are still there. So far it’s still happening,” she said firmly.

“Is that how that works?” Bella asked, frowning.

“My visions are based off the decisions people make,” Alice said with a nod. “I can see several different outcomes to a situation if I simply change my mind to make a new decision, and then the vision changes accordingly. Or not, if that particular decision doesn’t change that vision. The visions I have are all...stored in my head until they either happen or change, in a sense.”

“Like a shelf full of DVDs,” Bella said with a nod.

“...sure,” Alice said with a quick smile. “But the ones I have of you as one of us are still there. They haven’t changed. At all.”

For some reason Bella was quite sure she wasn’t the only one being spoken to with that sentence.

“Okay. But you still don’t know how?” Bella asked.

“Not the exact moment, no,” Alice explained with a sigh.

“But if you aren’t Edwards mate…” Jasper said with a grimace. “That only really leaves one option…”

“...which is…?” Bella asked, not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

Carlisle was the one to respond when nobody else did.

“Sometime in the near future you...will die,” he said sympathetically. “And we care too much about you to let you go.”

Chapter 9: I'll Let It Rush Through Every Window, And Get Ready For The Flood ('Cause This Is What Happens When A Heart Wakes Up)

Chapter Text

“I sense deception to come,
Honestly, truth and I are never one.

‘Cause I am the lying man,
And I have made you my next victim.

Oh, I need you to see through my act,
To tell me I’m wrong, to take off the mask.

Or else I’ll be left in the lie,
And I’ll deceive my way straight to demise.

‘Cause I’m not in a right state of mind,
I just wish I had strength to admit it.

My stubbornness will put up a fight,
But I don’t deserve to win it.

I’m left in the dark pondering my mistakes,
But in the light, I swear I will…

Deny it all.”

~

“Liar”
-
The Arcadian Wild

~~~~~~~~~

“But if you aren’t Edwards mate…” Jasper said with a grimace. “That only really leaves one option…”

“...which is…?” Bella asked. Her face was slightly twisted, her lips turning down. It did not make Rosalie’s gut twist, and if it did, it was simply out of frustration and perhaps a tinge of sympathy.

Nobody responded, and the only thing Rosalie could hear in the room was Bella’s halting breath, quiet and erratic.

Carlisle was the one to respond eventually.

“Sometime in the near future you...will die,” he said sympathetically. “And we care too much about you to let you go.”

Bella’s expression was, at first, shock. Her eyes widened and her nostrils flared slightly, and the sharp intake of breath sent a crawl through Rosalie’s spine. Her hand slowly went to her hair, pushing it slowly back as she began to blink rapidly.

Rosalie could see her eyes begin to shine, and she stood up.

She didn’t want to be here anymore.

No longer needing to hide her abilities she fled from the room at her usual blinding speeds, and she could hear the jump in Bella’s heart rate at her first time seeing a vampire’s speed. But then Rosalie was gone.

She didn’t know where she was going. She just needed to no longer be in that room.

Into the woods she ran, leaping over rocks and logs and debris, weaving and ducking through branches and avoiding birds in flight. Eventually she reached a spot she had come to know as ‘hers’, a small clearing deep into the woods. The ground was already hard in the early winter, with little but the wilting remnants of the clovers and honeysuckle flowers that would populate the floor of the clearing in the spring and summertime.

Rosalie marched over to the biggest tree and leaned against it, her fingers splayed out as she pressed her palms against the trunk. She hung her head and closed her eyes, taking a deep inhale through her nose. She pulled in the scent of the early-winter forest around her, the clear, sharp air pricking her lungs. She didn’t need to breathe anymore, but the smell of the forest calmed her.

The heady, earthy smell of decomposing plant matter half-frozen by the nighttime chills was first, followed by the various traces of animals that had been near recently. A small group of deer, birds and various rodents abound.

Then came the smell of the trees themselves, a subtle tone that Rosalie could never quite put words to. But it was the underlying anchor to it all that kept her grounded, kept her calm. Her ears pricked with the sounds of insects and birds all around her, a sound she had never truly been able to learn how to tune out.

Instead over time it became a comfort to her, being able to hear the gentle buzzing of the small insects and the fluttering of wings, the small tik-tap of a songbirds feet on a tree branch as it settled in to relax.

The clearing was illuminated by moonlight, casting a gentle silver glow over the frosted ground beneath Rosalie’s feet. It made crisp, crunchy sounds as she stepped on it, her shoe grinding the tiny frost crystals into nothingness beneath her.

She took another breath.

Beneath the earth and wood and rot and life and frost and air, there lingered the gentle fluttering of strawberries. Not the cloying, artificial smell of strawberry candy, but the smell of ripe, freshly-crushed strawberries being simmered into jam.

She could almost taste the sweetness on her tongue.

But it was only a memory of a feeling of a taste, an echo. A copy, of a copy, of a copy.

A lie.

Her fingers flexed and she could feel the bark of the tree creaking slightly under the pressure of her grip, so she let go. She didn’t want to hurt the tree. Turning around she slumped onto the ground. Her back felt uncomfortable from the knotted, twisted bark pressing into it, but she didn’t move. She just pulled her knees up to her chest and looked up into the sky.

The moon and the stars greeted her, shining as they always did. Tonight the moon was a little over halfway full. Stars smeared across the sky like glitter freshly-blown out of the palm of a hand floats through the air, and Rosalie’s head made a gentle thunk on the tree as she tilted it back.

She was probably getting bits of bark and dirt in her hair.

She didn’t particularly care at the moment.

“You know,” she said to nobody in particular, her voice barely audible even to herself. “This isn’t particularly funny, anymore.”

At first it had been a prank. Mean-spirited, perhaps, but a prank. Rosalie could handle pranks. Emmett would play them all the time. He would do silly things like turn the shirts on Rosalie’s collection of stuffed bears inside out, or switch her shampoo bottle out with an identical one he had filled with slightly soapy water so no matter how often Rosalie tried it wouldn’t lather.

She would scoff and roll her eyes before fixing whatever he had messed with and maybe swat the back of his head later for the small ones, and shout his name at the top of her lungs and chase him into the woods before tackling him and pulling his hair until he conceded for the big ones.

Alice didn’t normally play pranks on her though. It wasn’t particularly her style. She was mischievous yes, but practical jokes weren’t in her wheelhouse of humor. She liked to verbally poke fun at her siblings, and wasn’t above snickering in glee at the latest victim of Emmett’s pranking habits (he could never get her because of her visions, although he never stopped trying), but performing the act herself was beneath her.

So when Alice had told her of that vision, Rosalie had been caught off guard. Taking solace in the fact that Alice had only heard a voice that was similar to hers, she brushed it off. It was easy to ignore after all, it was just a voice.

Alice had tried pestering her about it, and Rosalie had responded by pushing her away further each time until she stopped.

It wasn’t until the arrival of Bella Swan to Forks that Alice had really started to push her buttons, though, and Rosalie had been thoroughly convinced this was some kind of elaborate joke.

~~~

“I feel pity for her,” Rosalie scoffed when Alice brought to her attention that Bella had arrived in Forks and that Edward had convinced himself that they were mated. “I wouldn’t wish Edward as a mate on my worst enemy.”

“Rose this is serious,” Alice snapped, taking a step closer into her personal space. “If you keep ignoring this, if you don’t step up and put a stop to his ideas, this goes very badly. Okay? So can we please talk about my vision?”

“First of all, even if I wanted to,” Rosalie started, glaring at Alice when she made to interrupt her. “Once Edward gets an idea in his head, it’s not coming out. You know that. Second of all, it’s irrelevant. If Bella is supposed to end up with some woman, whatever he does here won’t matter.”

“Why are you so in denial about this!?” Alice hissed. “This should be good news. You should be jumping and leaping with joy, you should be vibrating with anticipation to see her now that she’s finally here, but instead you’re just going to let Edward go after her!?”

Alice was lucky that she had the foresight to take Rosalie away from the house to speak to her. If she had spoken that within earshot of the family, Rosalie might have snapped.

Instead Rosalie simply felt a flare of anger and gave Alice her best venomous glare, expecting her to balk and cower from it like she always did when she pushed Rosalie’s buttons a bit too much and got bit.

But she didn’t.

Alice just crossed her arms and stuck her chin in the air, taking Rosalie’s glare with a set jaw and eyes burning with barely-contained frustration and...disappointment.

In the end, Rosalie was the one to look away.

She didn’t run away.

She just...had better things to do.

“You can’t avoid this forever!” Alice hissed at Rosalie’s retreating back. “I’ll keep it secret because I know that telling the others would be worse. You’re the only one that can change this. Your decision can avoid a lot of pain, and if you don’t...if you let this happen because you can’t accept that someone might fall in love with you and be your mate, I’m going to be so angry with you!”

Rosalie didn’t respond verbally. She just held up a middle finger over her shoulder.

But she didn’t even get a sense of satisfaction when she heard Alice stomp her foot and huff before turning and running off in the opposite direction.

Instead all she felt was a gnawing pit in her gut that she was desperately trying to ignore.

~~~

Rosalie had simply decided to avoid her.

Both Alice and Bella.

It was easier than answering the questions inside her.

So she shut them down. She occupied herself with thoughts of cars and dresses and everything she knew Edward would expect her to think about whenever he was around. Not that it was particularly difficult for her to avoid her own thoughts, she just put extra effort in when Edward was around.

And she was only avoiding it because it was annoying. Alice didn’t know what she was talking about and Rosalie didn’t feel particularly enthused about informing her, but the little nagging thoughts she put in Rosalie’s mind were simply irritating.

Nothing else.

At least, it was much easier to think that way until Alice decided to drag the stupid human home.

Rosalie remembered that argument quite clearly.

~~~

“Are you all insane!?” she had blurted out during the family meeting where Alice had revealed that she gave Bella an invitation to come over. “This just puts all of us at risk, for no good reason!”

“She’s my mate, Rosalie. That’s the only reason we need to bring her closer to us,” Edward spat.

“Stuff it,” Rosalie snapped. “Sorry I’m not catering to your pathetic needs, I’m trying to keep our family safe. Something the rest of you seem to have forgotten how to do!”

“Rose,” Jasper said patiently. “This is Bella we’re talking about. The Bella Alice has been seeing for years as one of us. She’s going to find out about us one way or another. Isn’t it better to have some sort of control over it rather than leaving it up to fate?”

Edward nodded in agreement, crossing his arms and sneering at Rosalie.

Alice was also glaring at Rosalie. Her attitude had resulted in a few brief looks of surprise from the rest of the family, Alice wasn’t usually one to openly support conflict, but here she was openly siding with Edward.

At least, that’s how Rosalie assumed they saw it.

She knew what Alice was glaring at her over. But she wasn’t about to start entertaining that idea now.

“Yes, we should control it,” Rosalie said carefully. “And that means keeping her at an arms length until we know what we have to do. Alice already said multiple times that she doesn’t know how Bella gets turned. We don’t even know for sure that we’re the ones to do it.”

“It’s the only option that makes sense with how my future self feels about her,” Alice muttered.

“And she’s my mate. Rosalie, I share your misgivings about choosing to turn a human. I do,” Edward said placatingly, muscling through Rosalie’s eye roll of irritation.

“You’re worried that her soul is going to hell if we turn her, not about our safety,” Rosalie said pointedly.

“Be that as it may,” Edward said firmly. “It is still important that she become closer to the family so we can protect her. I am, personally, still advocating against turning her at all. Better to have a short life with her and live the rest of mine with the satisfaction of knowing her soul remained pure rather than damning her along with us.”

“We are not letting Bella die either!” Alice snapped, crossing her arms. Now she was angry with Edward too, which at least made Rosalie a bit happier. “I’m not letting you take my best friend away from me because you can’t accept that our existence isn’t doomed.

“That isn’t your choice to make. She isn’t your mate,” Edward said, his voice tight and laced with acid. Jasper stood up and moved to Alice’s side, putting an arm protectively around her shoulders.

“Isn’t your choice either, Ed,” Jasper said.

“She’s my mate! It is absolutely my choice!” Edward snapped.

“She’s a person,” Jasper said smoothly. “A person who will be more than capable of making her own decisions once she knows everything.”

His voice was as soft as ever, but the menacing glint in his eye was enough to make Edward think twice about pursuing the argument further.

“Regardless,” Edward huffed, deflecting the conversation. “It’s a topic for later, one way or the other. It’s not important right now. Whether or not she becomes...turned, we need to be able to protect her without her asking too many questions or saying too much to the humans in her life. She needs to know.”

“And what will you do when the Volturi come knocking on our door asking why a human knows about us and isn’t turned yet?” Rosalie asked. “They’ll either make us turn her or kill her, or they’ll wipe us all out. That’s why we keep her at a distance. Maybe we aren’t the ones who turn her. Maybe she gets attacked. Maybe a nomad comes through and decides to have a little snack. Maybe it’s not us that turn her, but our family can be there to pick up the pieces.”

Alice huffed loudly, and Rosalie resisted the urge to snap at her. She kept her eyes locked firmly on Edward.

“We keep her here. Safe. They have no reason to find out. They don’t control this country,” Edward said firmly.

“No but they control us because of him,” Rosalie said firmly, pointing at Carlisle.

Carlisle coughed lightly.

“The Masquerade, the Camarilla’s...set of rules on human knowledge of vampires is...much less strict than the Volturi’s. There are conditions in which a human can become aware without their own life suffering,” he said carefully. “And while our coven is, theoretically, bound to the laws of the Volturi through myself, as long as we do not flagrantly disregard the Volturi laws they cannot simply show up and enforce them. If we are able to inform Bella in a way that gives us enough plausible deniability...it won’t delay them indefinitely, but it will buy us time should the worst happen.”

“It’s still risky,” Rosalie insisted.

Carlisle dipped his head, his voice infuriatingly patient and understanding.

“Indeed. But one way or another, risk will be involved. Either for ourselves or for her. And, forgive me Rosalie, I know you’re trying to keep us safe. But if she is to become involved in our world someday, I would prefer for that to be through us and not through an attack by some passing nomad or being saved from certain death through turning without knowing what is happening. I would accept the risk the former entails to avoid the latter.”

Rosalie felt the bottom drop out of her stomach when he spoke. Her shoulders sagged and she blinked a few times in shock as Emmett stood up, coming to her side and wrapping his arms around her. Carlisle was giving her a pained smile, and she couldn’t even bring herself to be mad at him for his obvious pity.

Because he was right. What was she even thinking? Had she let her irrational dislike of this random girl grow to such a point where she would choose to put her through something like that, given the option of either that or take a little of that risk for herself?

That didn’t sound like her at all.

The discussion continued without her and Emmett's presence as he led her out to the gardens towards her favorite reading spot. Esme was growing absurdly tall tomato plants, and they grew up and around elaborate twisting vines carved from wood.

Emmett sat her down in her reading chair before settling on the floor next to her, looking around with squinted eyes at the tomatoes.

“What do you think she’s even growing those for? We can’t eat them,” he said casually, leaning back and propping himself up with his hands.

Rosalie blinked and looked at the plants herself. The greenhouse gardens could grow year-round, even in the cold and wet Forks winters. Esme had spent a fortune on them.

“I think she gives them away,” she murmured softly, reaching out and placing a hand on Emmett’s shoulder. His presence was comforting to her, and she squeezed his shoulder as she spoke. “She goes to the PTA meetings with a new foodstuff to give away each time, remember?”

“Ohh, yeah. One of the girls in school came up to me the other week and asked if I could pass on to Esme that the brownies she had given her mom were really good. Esme was really happy to hear that,” Emmett said with a wide grin.

“For someone who can’t taste the food she makes, all the humans she gives it to seem to love it,” Rosalie sighed.

“Maybe it’s a mom thing,” Emmett supplied. “Like she’s part of some like...big mom hive-mind that gives her information on how to make brownies and stuff.”

Rosalie snorted.

“Given some of the packed lunches some of the children in this town bring to the school I sincerely doubt such a hive-mind exists. Some of those lunches are grounds for child abuse,” Rosalie grumbled.

Emmett guffawed and threw his head back. Rosalie smiled softly, the corners of her lips turning up ever so slightly. He always knew how to make her feel better.

After his laughter died down they sat in silence for a few moments before he spoke up again.

“So...when are you gonna wanna talk about it?” he asked quietly. Rosalie’s shoulders stiffened and she pulled her hand away from his shoulder.

“Talk about what?” she replied shortly.

“Bella,” Emmett said simply, not looking at her.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” she hissed.

Emmett didn’t give any indication that her anger affected him. It was one of the reasons he was so effective at calming her down. No matter how angry or moody she got, no matter what insults she flung at his direction in her frustrations, he remained unfazed through all of it. He was the one person she could never rattle aside from Carlisle.

He simply leaned forward and adjusted his position so he was facing more directly towards her, but not quite. He faced away just enough to avoid making Rosalie feel crowded, a skill he had picked up somehow over the years without her saying a thing about it.

She never mentioned that she hated feeling physically boxed into a conversation, but he somehow just knew and worked around it.

“Rose,” he said gently. “Don’t make me call you out for lying. That’s not us. We don’t lie to each other, yeah?”

Rosalie frowned and pulled inwards a little bit, shrinking under his gentle voice.

“You’re right,” she said quietly after a moment. “I’m sorry.”

“All good,” Emmett said dismissively. “Why does she rile you up so much? You haven’t even met her yet. It seems like you don’t even want to. Are you that against a new member of the family? You didn’t make this much of a fuss about Alice and Jasper.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Rosalie grumbled.

“Better. At least you aren’t lying to me about it,” Emmett chuckled. “That’s fine. You don’t have to. But you know I’m here if you want to, right?”

Rosalie didn’t reply to him verbally. Instead, after he turned away from her again and started talking about asking Esme if he could use any bad tomatoes she didn’t want to give away to have a food fight with Edward, Jasper, and Alice, she simply returned her hand to his shoulder and squeezed.

He didn’t stop talking, but the subtle change in his expression to something slightly softer let Rosalie know her message was received. She knew. She just...couldn’t.

Yet.

...If ever.

~~~

Of course as soon as she thought about him she smelled and heard him coming.

When they would hunt as a family or in smaller groups, Emmett liked to be big and loud, crashing through the undergrowth and smashing through trees and rocks, his booming laughter scaring all the animals for miles around until someone scolded him into being quiet.

But when he wanted to be, he could be as quiet as any of them. Rosalie only knew it was him because she knew how he ran. He had a unique way of running compared to the rest of them, and his footsteps were uneven.

He emerged into the clearing whistling, with his hands in his pockets. She rolled her eyes when she saw him, and he grinned his big doofy grin at her. Spinning around, he stuck his arms out and fell backwards so his head landed right in front of Rosalie’s toes, and he looked upside-down at her with a smile.

“Fancy meeting you here, pretty girl,” Emmett said in an exaggerated ‘suave’ voice. “What d’you say you and I head back to my place?”

He waggled his eyebrows to punctuate his question.

“Ugh,” Rosalie made an exaggerated gagging noise and kicked his head lightly.

“Hey! This is abuse!” Emmett said, laughing as he rolled to the side to avoid the wrath of Rosalie’s feet.

“You’re disgusting,” Rosalie snapped at him.

“P’shaw. You love me,” Emmett snorted as he settled onto his back, putting his hands under his head and staring up at the moon. “Moon’s getting full. Or is it getting empty? I haven’t looked at it lately.”

“It’s waxing,” Rosalie mumbled.

“Which one is that again?”

“It’s getting bigger.”

“Oh, cool. Why’s it called waxing instead of, I dunno, embiggening?” Emmett asked, frowning.

“I...because it is. And because ‘embiggening’ is stupid,” Rosalie said, exasperated.

“You don’t know, do you?” Emmett asked, his frown immediately replaced with a sh*t-eating grin.

“Shut up,” Rosalie grunted.

“Kay,” Emmett said. And he did.

The silence lasted all of five minutes before the words couldn’t stay stuck in Rosalie’s chest any longer.

“She was just...she was going to start crying,” she muttered quietly, wrapping her arms around her shins and resting her chin on her knees. “And I didn’t want to see that.”

“Yeah. I don’t like watching girls cry either,” Emmett sighed. “Especially when I can’t punch whatever made them cry.”

“...is she - “ Rosalie started.

“Alice is with her,” Emmett interrupted softly. “She didn’t even get a chance to start crying, actually. You ran out of the house and she immediately started asking if you were okay. Alice said you were fine and you’re just moody and flighty, but she kept glancing at the door until I said I’d come check on you.”

Rosalie’s gut churned again and she didn’t look at him or speak.

She couldn’t decide if she was offended or not at Bella worrying about her. Either way she was upset. Bella shouldn’t worry about her. Frankly, nobody should worry about her. She had a hard enough time accepting that Emmett was going to worry about her whether she wanted him to or not, and that was only because he was unnervingly good at making her feel like it was okay to be worried about a little bit.

But only a little bit.

“She said something. Earlier,” Emmett continued after a few moments. “I heard her over the phone with Alice, when she was trying to convince Bella to let us come get her.”

Rosalie didn’t react to his words.

“She said, and I quote; ‘But then that f*cking weird sh*t happens with your sister’. And I know she wasn’t talking about you randomly dashing off as soon as Alice had that vision about her in Port Angeles, which I’m respecting your space and not trying to get you to talk about but everyone is asking me questions about it and I have nothing to tell them right now.”

“...how do you know that wasn’t what she was talking about?” Rosalie asked.

She could feel Emmett’s eyes lingering on her for a second before he sighed and continued.

“Because she mentioned that directly after. After the ‘weird sh*t’ she said ‘who just so happens to show up when I’m in trouble’. So...what’s this other ‘weird sh*t’?”

“Nothing,” Rosalie said quickly. A bit too quickly.

“Rose,” Emmett said.

“Emmett,” she mocked.

He was quiet again for a few minutes and she heard him shifting around. Then he sat next to her, leaning against the trunk of the tree so their shoulders were touching.

“You try to scare her off or something? Give her a shotgun talk?” he asked wryly. “I mean, I know it was before we found out she’s not Edward’s mate but I’m surprised you’d care enough about Eddie to do that.”

“That is not what happened,” Rosalie snapped, turning to glare at him. He met her glare with a grin.

“A-ha! So you admit that something happened!” he said triumphantly, poking her nose.

“I...shut up!” she fumed, turning away from him.

“What’d she do? What’d you do?” Emmett asked, chuckling. “Is it embarrassing?”

“I gave her sh*t over her stupid truck, that’s all!” Rosalie nearly shouted, slamming her fist into the tree. A loud crack echoed through the woods as the wood splintered.

“...Jeez, Rose, her truck isn’t that bad that you had to take it out on the poor tree,” Emmett mumbled, patting the tree. “Sorry tree. She’s moody.”

“Shut up. It was that bad, first of all,” she grumbled. “And second of all I’m not moody.”

“You’re brooding in your Moody Clearing and punching trees,” Emmett said pointedly. “You’re moody.”

“I – my what clearing!?” Rosalie asked, flabbergasted. “And I do not brood.”

“Yeah. I mean, you only come here when you’re all upset about something and need some space,” Emmett said with a shrug. “Sometimes it’s like, cus Edward said something stupid again and pissed you off and if you look at his face you’ll try and claw his eyes out so you come out here to cool off, which is chill. But sometimes you come here because something is seriously bothering you and that’s when I have to come pull your brain out of the mud. Ergo, this is your Moody Clearing.”

“...do you even know what ‘ergo’ means?” Rosalie grumbled after a few moments of silence.

“I think so? Did I use it wrong?” Emmett asked, frowning.

“I...no. You used it right. I’m just…” Rosalie mumbled.

“Being moody,” Emmett finished, nodding.

Rosalie sighed irritably.

“Fine. I come here to cool off when I’m upset, yes, but can we please not call it my ‘Moody Clearing’? You make me sound like a child,” she grumbled.

Emmett snickered but didn’t say anything else. He just reached up and snapped a low branch off the tree and dug around in his pockets for a knife. He always carried a pocket knife with him. He pulled it out and started to strip the bark from the branch, shaving little strips of wood off.

Rosalie turned her body slightly to watch him.

He had picked up wood carving and whittling about twenty years ago and didn’t exactly practice consistently, so he was still rather rough with it. But she enjoyed watching him. Even when whatever he was doing didn’t turn out exactly the way he wanted it to, she still found it rather fascinating to watch something...new emerge from what was once just a piece of wood.

When he had shaved most of the bark off he started whittling it down to the vague approximation of a person, with a round face and vague shapes that looked kind of like a torso and legs beneath it.

“Can’t I just be allowed to not want to be around her?” Rosalie sighed.

Emmett paused his whittling only for a second before continuing.

“Sure. You can be allowed that,” he said with a shrug. “But we both know that’s not really true, so something else is clearly going on.”

Rosalie scowled.

“What do you mean by that?”

Emmett shrugged.

“When Alice had that vision that she was going to be attacked in Port Angeles by those weirdos you ran before she even finished explaining it. Even Edward was so surprised he didn’t say anything mean. And when she passed out earlier you kept inching across the room to get closer to her.”

“I was just changing where I was sitting,” Rosalie huffed.

“Yeah. By getting closer to her an inch at a time every few minutes until you were only a yard away,” Emmett chuckled.

“I hate you sometimes,” Rosalie grumbled.

“Yeah. I know,” Emmett sighed. “But that’s not special. I think everything and everyone that has been in your presence has been the victim of your hate at least once.”

The simple statement hit surprisingly close to Rosalie’s chest, and she felt herself physically wince. Emmett didn’t look the slightest bit apologetic even as he saw her face twist up for a moment as she shrank back from him for a second, and she took a slow breath.

Neither of them spoke again for a while.

“D’you like her?” Emmett asked.

Rosalie shot to her feet and stomped several feet away from him, balling up her fists and wrapping her arms tightly around her torso.

“What!? No! What the f*ck, Emmett!? What on earth makes you think that!? I feel the exact opposite, for your information,” she shouted, whirling around and staring daggers at him.

“Why?” he asked, a curious frown on his face.

“Are you stupid?” she asked. “She’s putting us all in danger just by f*cking existing. She should be running away from us, not asking a bunch of questions about us and making us all even more f*cked,” Rosalie spat.

Emmett’s expression didn’t change. He kept whittling the little figurine.

“I don’t think so,” he said. “Alice’s visions already told us she was going to be part of the family eventually. And like Carlisle said, it’s better if it’s us. I certainly don’t want her to get hurt if she doesn’t have to.”

“She’s abusing her truck! You know how much it pisses me off when people don’t take care of their cars!” Rosalie shouted, throwing her hands up in the air.

“But why not just teach her how to take care of it?” Emmett asked, puzzled. “It’s not like she’s some stranger who’s mistreating their car that you’re never going to see again. And, I dunno, I think she’d be interested in learning if you offered.”

“If you think she’s so fascinating why don’t you just ask her out then,” Rosalie hissed. “Since Bella’s so f*cking great and all.”

“Because that’d be weird,” Emmett said. “I don’t feel like that about her. I mean, yeah, she’s cool, and I like that she played Mario Kart with me and that she wants to keep playing video games with me. I think she’s funny, the way she talks with Alice is great. You should hear them together at lunch, the way they bounce off each other is hysterical.”

Rosalie’s eye twitched at the mention of those lunches. Ever since Bella had been by the house, Emmett and Jasper had taken to joining Alice for lunch at school with Bella, despite Rosalie’s protests that it was a bad idea.

“And she’s really nice,” he continued. “I mean, I can tell she’s way more comfortable with Alice than me or Jasp. But she always tries to talk to me as much as she does to Alice, and she asks me about the stuff I like and says really nice things to me. Y’know, she’s the only person who ever calls me smart?”

Rosalie blinked.

“I was talking to her about Halo,” Emmett shrugged. “And how I could beat the hardest difficulty without dying once now. She said that was really cool and I must be pretty smart to do that, and when I tried to tell her that I’m not really that smart, I’m just good at video games, she did this scoff that kinda reminded me of you and said ‘There’s multiple ways to be smart, Emmett’ and patted my knee.”

“Okay, whatever, so she’s nice,” Rosalie muttered, looking away. “That doesn’t mean I have to like her.”

“Yeah. I guess,” Emmett said quietly. “It just feels like part of you likes her and wants to be near her because you keep doing it, but the rest of you feels like you’re ‘supposed’ to not like her for some reason.”

“What on earth have I done to give you that impression!?” Rosalie asked, completely befuddled.

“You mean besides running off to her rescue before the rest of us could even blink?” Emmett asked with a wry chuckle. “You watch her. At school.”

“I do not!” Rosalie yelped.

“Please,” Emmett said dismissively. “You’re the reason most of the boys stopped trying to go up to her after the first few days.”

Rosalie went quiet at that. He wasn’t supposed to have noticed that part.

“At first I thought you were just hating on teenage boys on principle again,” Emmett laughed. “But every time one of them would try to walk up to Bella in the halls while you were nearby, you’d glare at them until they wet their pants. People at school think its because you’re protecting your sister’s best friend. Jasper thinks you’re just happy for an excuse to make teenage boys uncomfortable, and Edward thinks...thought, that you were helping protect his mate for him.”

“...who says it isn’t any of those things,” Rosalie whispered.

Emmett shrugged.

“Me. My gut. The way you’re acting about it. Pick one, I guess. I had suspicions, and then the way you ran off to help her that day made me really certain that something weird was going on. Then she rejected Edward, which was like, whoa. And then I heard her over the phone, and now you’re acting...like this,” he finished, gesturing vaguely at Rosalie’s...everything.

“What are you trying to say?” Rosalie hissed, her eyes burning a little.

Emmett was quiet for a moment.

“Can I ask you a question and get an honest answer? Just answer this one question, and I’ll drop the whole thing,” Emmett said, standing up and tossing the finished figurine in his hand a few times.

“Depends on the question,” Rosalie muttered.

“Rose.”

“...fine.”

Emmett came up to her and stood facing her directly. His hands were in his pockets, and he was looking at her with a soft intensity that made Rosalie feel like he was looking straight through her.

“That ‘weird sh*t’ Bella was talking about...did you bond with her? Is Bella your mate?” he asked.

Rosalie lifted her chin up and stared directly into Emmett’s eyes, ignoring the burning from tears that could never come. She clenched her fists.

“No,” she said firmly.

Emmett stared back into her eyes for what felt like a long, long time.

“Okay,” he said simply, with a nod. “Okay.”

“You believe me?” Rosalie asked hesitantly.

Emmett shrugged.

“I don’t think it matters whether or not I believe you,” he said quietly. “I think what matters is whether or not you believe you. I asked for an honest answer and I’m gonna trust that you gave me one, and drop it.”

His words formed a fist around Rosalie’s heart and squeezed, and she resisted the urge to speak. He stared at her for another few moments before pulling something out of his pocket and tossing it at her, walking out of the clearing as he did so.

“That’s for you, by the way. I’m gonna head back to the house and let everyone know you’re still in the country,” he said with a slightly hollow chuckle. “Seeya, Rose.”

Rosalie caught the thing he had tossed at her and opened her mouth to reply, but he was already gone.

She was alone.

Opening her hands, she looked down to find a carved wooden figurine in her hand. It was crude and rushed, but she recognized it for what it was; a small wooden representation of the human girl currently sitting in Rosalie’s living room.

Emmett had carved a little face on her, with a wide grin. She had her hands in her pockets, because Emmett couldn’t whittle hands yet.

Rosalie stared at the figurine as she slowly began walking, further into the woods. Away from the house.

Away from everyone who could hear.

Eventually she came to a small cliff, overlooking even more woods as far as she could see. Still staring at the figurine, she slowly sank to her knees and held it in her hands. Unconsciously, she ran a thumb slowly across the face and hair of the figurine, feeling the rough nicks and marks of Emmett’s knife.

Then she clutched the figure to her chest, and screamed.

Her eyes screwed shut as they burned. The sound pierced the air around her, sending birds fluttering from their perches on the trees around her and small rodents scattering for cover. If she were still human, she vaguely wondered if she would have torn her own throat open from the force of it all.

She screamed until the air in her lungs ran out, and then she took a heave of breath with a dry sob before screaming again. And again. And again.

Finally, she lifted her arm and flung the figurine over the cliff with a final, throat-rending scream before doubling over, her face in her hands as dry sobs wracked her entire body. Her heart was wailing inside of her, and she wished beyond wishing that she could crack her own ribcage open and tear out the traitorous muscle in her chest, set it ablaze, stomp on it until it couldn’t speak.

And through it all, gentle beneath her nose lingered the faintest smell of strawberries.

~~~

When she finally returned to the house, the sun was barely beginning to rise. She carefully closed the door behind her, pushing a hand into her hair and grimacing as she felt bits of bark and pine needle. She needed a shower.

Rosalie turned around and walked into the living room, immediately pausing upon the sight she walked in on. Bella was laying on the couch, fast asleep.

None of the other Cullens were in the room. None of them were even in the house, except Carlisle and Esme. Carlisle in his study, where she couldn’t hear him and he couldn’t hear her unless either of them were particularly noisy. But she could occasionally hear his footsteps as he moved around, perhaps walking a little louder than was necessary in order to make sure his family knew where he was.

Esme she could hear humming softly to herself somewhere in the kitchen, and she could smell something being baked. It was something chocolate, she could tell that much. A dull thought pushed forward an odd factoid that Carlisle must have told her at some point towards the front of her mind, that chocolate contained a chemical that made humans happy.

Rosalie wondered if Esme was making something for Bella to cheer her up. She expected to feel irritated by the fact that her family was coddling the human so much, but instead she only felt a dull ache in her chest and a small stab of jealousy.

It was smothered immediately as she cast another slow look around the room.

She supposed the others must have taken the opportunity to hunt before Bella woke up, with Carlisle and Esme staying behind in case Edward came home. None of them were expecting it, but Rosalie certainly wouldn’t put it past him.

Slowly, quietly, hoping to avoid being noticed by her parents, Rosalie approached the girl sleeping on the couch.

She knelt onto the floor by her head and watched her.

Bella’s breathing was even and soft, and she could see her eyes fluttering slightly from the deep sleep she was in. Her heartbeat was gentle, a steady, even pitter-pat. She looked at her, really looked at her for the first time since...that.

Her eyes were closed, but Rosalie knew exactly what they looked like.

She looked a little more pale than usual, and Rosalie realized for the first time that Bella had faint freckles scattered around her nose and cheekbones, only now visible upon close inspection. She wondered if they would come out more in sunlight.

Her hair had fallen in locks around her face and before Rosalie could stop herself, she reached out a hand and with a tenderness she did not know she was capable of until now, carefully tucked the errant hair away from Bella’s face and behind her ear. Bella let out a soft, contented exhale and Rosalie felt her heart break all over again.

Rosalie didn’t know what she was doing.

She didn’t know what was happening to her.

She hated everything about it.

She hated Bella’s hair and how it fell around her shoulders and framed her face perfectly.

She hated Bella’s nose and how it sat perfectly on her face.

She hated Bella’s hands and how delicate they looked.

She hated Bella’s eyes and how she somehow managed to contain so much beauty in a simple pair of brown eyes.

She hated Bella’s lips and how they formed a perfect little pout whenever she was concentrating on something or was thinking particularly hard.

“Why?” Rosalie whispered subsonically, so low that not even Esme could hear it from the other room. “Why me? I was...I was doing fine. Why did you have to do this to me? I hate you. I hate you so much….”

Bella, of course, did not respond. But she did shift slightly in her sleep, a soft hum in her throat as she shifted slightly closer to Rosalie. Freezing up, Rosalie couldn’t make herself move as Bella’s head slid off the pillow she had been given just enough so that her forehead gently bumped against Rosalie’s collarbone.

Soft breath brushed over Rosalie’s skin and it nearly set her on fire.

She grit her teeth and clenched her jaw, screwing her eyes shut as she flexed her fingers. She wanted to rip Bella to pieces, to sink claws into her and – and – and…

A soft hiccup came from Rosalie’s throat as she gently, oh so gently, cupped Bella’s head in her hand and shifted her back onto the pillow. Her skin was so soft that it nearly made Rosalie want to cry, and she pulled her hand away before she did something stupid like stroke the idiot girl’s hair again or run her thumb across her stupid lips.

Rosalie carefully got to her feet.

She took one last agonizing look at the peaceful sleeper below her before whirling around and moving as quickly and as quietly as she could up the stairs, to lock herself in her shower and not come out until she had extracted every last bit of warm water from the pipes.

And as she sat under the pounding heat of the shower head, she couldn’t help but compare the warmth of the water to the warmth of Bella’s breath and skin, and was angry when she discovered that the water was severely coming up short.

She had been fine.

Rosalie had been perfectly content living her greyscale life, keeping herself safe behind layer after layer of protective gray padding and wool and steel blast doors that would keep anyone who could hurt her out.

She had been fine.

She had been safe.

She had even begun to start appreciating the nuances of gray, and telling herself that it was alright that it was all she would have for the rest of her existence. She didn’t need what Alice and Jasper had, what her parents had.

Better to learn how to live with the gray than let herself be hurt again.

And then Bella Swan, with her black hair and brown eyes and pale skin and gray-white-black t-shirts and her dark jeans had somehow, for the first time in decades, given Rosalie a singular, infinitesimally small droplet of color in her sight again.

She hated it.

It was terrifying.

It was painful.

She wanted it to stop.

She tried to force it back to gray again. Tried to stop the traitor in her chest from functioning properly, tried to kill it, smother it, drown it.

But no matter how long Rosalie sat under the shower, she could never stop smelling the strawberries.